4 - 73 - 1 month ago

Ok I am 41 years old and I have never been a jelous person . But I have also never looked for or even wanted to be in a relationship . But now I have been with the same man for over a decade and I don't know what is going on but I am suspicious of EVERYTHING he does alot of things he does just don't make no sense. So I am now obsessed with finding out what is going on. I have trust issues always have but I have never felt so strongly about someone cheating and I can't stop being suspicious or accusing him and it is making him very angry and acts like I'm insulting his character. Is there anyone that has any advice ? I don't know how much longer u can stay in this relationship cuz I feel like its making me more unstable than I am already

Nikki - 41yo - in a relationship for 10 years - Living together - 1 - Coon rapids,Mn, United States - level 19

Your reaction:

Reactions (4)

3 weeks ago

Full disclosure: I had an affair and am currently working with my wife on fixing my marriage.
Trust and jealousy ain't no joke. But slinging accusations tends to build walls and close doors between people, and it sounds like you need the opposite. I think he might listen to what you have to say if you literally just tell him how you are feeling. "I'm jealous and I don't like it, but I don't understand when you do X or say Y act like Z. Can we talk about this, so I can trust you the way you deserve?" Or whatever fits you and your relationship. If he really has nothing to hide, he shouldn't be holding anything back from you if you ask directly. He needs to be able to talk about his own emotions and needs, and you need to be able to listen to him as much as you need him to listen to you. I say this as someone who lived through the results of broken communication and is trying to make sure the same mistakes are never repeated.

Michael - 37yo - level 21 -
2
- Report
1 week ago

Thank you so much and yes I have brought it to him directly and he just denies and says everything he does is normal and I have a screwed up way of seeing things ....which is true but other people that have been around have said things he does is not normal so I dunno he swears hes not a list and that he is sick of me getting attitudes and accusing him

Nikki - 41yo - in a relationship for 10 years - Living together - 1 - Coon rapids,Mn, United States - level 19 -
Report
Add a comment Send
3 weeks ago

I know one thing... Trust your gut feeling

Tiffany - 33yo - level 27 -
1
- Report
1 week ago

Ikr but Everytime I find anything he has a lie well I think is a lie but no solid proof !! If I could afford a private eye I would dedinydo that route

Nikki - 41yo - in a relationship for 10 years - Living together - 1 - Coon rapids,Mn, United States - level 19 -
Report
Add a comment Send
1 month ago

Dang lady, that's gotta be... very... stressful. Going from just living for you and not letting people have that kind of power over you. To BAM! Wait... um... is something else happening. I'm 30... and have always known the signs of a liar and cheater cause of my older brother. So, I definitely could sense that kind of drama better than most. But, my man now, hes got me fooled.....i think. And not having specific legit proof really puts a down on the whole invention. Lol. I'm hoping to find the strength to leave soon. Cause my man doesnt care to try to console and play my heart or put my mi d to rest on the subject. I usually can leave guy who throw a fit and calls me names, and my favorite defense mode a cheat has is turning it around on ne... like.... that's not logical if were the ones with the ones just trying to ask a simple question.

My man said porn was cheat when we first started dating... I was like "well then we have a problem cuz I watch lesbian porn. I dont cheat. And I'm as open S they can come. "

Needless to say, I came across his pornhub bookmarks... lol I wasnt even mad. But, it made me aware that he could be trying to screw eith my head. And I've been through some shady times with ppl manipulate me and try to make me look insane...and it's so funny to me, cuz I'm lucky to have had a fucked up brother. So I know all the tricks and lines. I've watched him cut himself for his wife saying hed die before cheating. But... I had a girl send txt and pics of them. And I forwarded to my brothers now ex wife.... and it's crazy absolutely insane... what people do to oneanother.... it hurts me heart. And my mind.... I hate feeling crazy. I hate when I am wrong to and makes me feel like I could be wrong about everything.... but... lately.....my gut.... is yelling at me to run and break free.... but.... here I am... still waiting for his attn, and for his love.... but.... I. Alone when bes here and when hes gone. Like.... 💔

NovaBunnie - level 5 -
1
- Report
4 weeks ago

Girl that's horrible I'm o sorry you re going through it ...I hate to judge someone I don't know but it sounds like he is trying to make you go crazy on purpose !! DO NOT let him win DO NOT let him control you !! If your gut is telling you to go then you need to listen to it !!

Nikki - 41yo - in a relationship for 10 years - Living together - 1 - Coon rapids,Mn, United States - level 19 -
Report
3 weeks ago

That's some real gaslighting psycho shit you're describing. I hope you find the courage to confront him and leave (and stay gone from him).

Also hope his jerk-off lotion gets spiked with itching powder.

Michael - 37yo - level 21 -
Report
3 weeks ago

Confront him everytime it happens. I been trying to leave Back home to Chicago. But, still waiting on my friend to have the time. It's hard. I've known him 12 yrs. And never knew he could be so awful. Yday I wanted to kill myself. Feeling like there's no one to help. But, I made it through.

NovaBunnie - level 5 -
Report
3 weeks ago

You should contact me... somehow. Our situations are weirdly fucking similar. I'm just a little more... um.... progressed? in mine.... I'm sorry dude.

Mary - 36yo - Living together - 2 - Moravian Falls, United States - level 16 -
Report
3 weeks ago

Ladies!! I'm right there with the both of ya! I'm so tired and wore the hell out. I have out 29 yrs of my life into this and him. Yet anything is a total blow up fight and he goes nuts. It's like I'm living with a stranger. I'm almost 45,he's almost 50. We have 3 beautiful adult children and 1 grandson that is the air I breath and the reason I'm still on this planet. The only time I'm happy,is when I'm away from him. I have told him countless times what the issues r. He says things will change.lol And every single damn time,it gets a little worse.

Melissa - 44yo - level 43 -
Report
3 weeks ago

First and foremost I would like to give you props for opening up to us strangers on here. I have gone through the same situation with my past relationships and while my husband of 13 years this September, we have also had such a tumultuous relationship. There is lies and infidelity still going on his side of the fence. Just recently a month ago I found out that he was texting and sending d*** pics to his "ex" from years ago. This is the 4th time I found messages on his FB and phone. Nowadays you can't be too trusting. I gave the benefit of the doubt because I have done my dirt too. When I found out he cheated, before when we were younger in our 20's I would put his shit on BLAST. This last time I had to get some kind of vindication so I screenshot all the messages that the ex sent me to his aunt whom he is very close to and respects so much, his sisters and my mother. I was following my gut. I do all the time and it hasn't failed me yet.
A Man who act like a boy will usually try to get away with ANYTHING he can and will treat you the way you allow him to, from what I learned from experience. I can go on and on with the shit I have chosen to live and deal with. I have some crazy sad stories. You have every right to question anyone you are in a relationship with if you "sense" that something is "off". If the person gets hostile or defensive that is definitely a red flag. Trust your intuition.

Ashley Roberts - 33yo - level 3 -
Report
1 week ago

Yep i agree but we also have a none year old and I don't wanna screw him up anymore so if anyone knows a private eye for cheap let me know please

Nikki - 41yo - in a relationship for 10 years - Living together - 1 - Coon rapids,Mn, United States - level 19 -
Report
Add a comment Send
2 weeks ago

In any relationship you need to communicate about the way you're feeling and if y'all aren't capable of doing that then it's not just a problem in y'alls trust department. Only you can decide whether or not its worth fighting for.

Candice - 35yo - level 2 -
0
- Report
Add a comment Send

Trending discussions

Recent discussions