4 - 124 - 4 months ago

Recently every time I've been sad or upset my long distance boyfriend makes absolutely no effort to make it any better. Today I was telling him about how I secluded myself inside all day and felt like I was getting depressed because I was lonely and he said "well I don't know what you want me to do about it". I feel like this isnt an issue when we're together but we've been apart for about six months and are looking at about two more years. it's to the point where I don't want to or feel like I can really go to him when I'm upset, even though he's the one person that I want to go to. I also feel like I can't ask him to do something specific to make me feel better because then what's the whole point of it even? I don't know how to make it better without saying you need to care about me more!! If it's really to the point where I need to say that I don't know why or if I can still be in a relationship.

ali - 21yo - level 14

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4 months ago

I’m in a similar position, same time frame too - weird. It seems everything I do annoys her. When I express my concerns it feels like she silently punishes me by sharing less about her life and becoming more busy. She keeps telling me she loves me and it is starting to hurt. I feel so used. It’s hard to think we will ever go back to normal after the long term damage being caused. I feel like she is fundamentally changing the foundations of what our relationship was. Long story short. I reiterate the narrative to myself that you should be happy with just yourself. In the end everyone else will hurt you. Try to stop obsessing and caring so much about him/her - if they want to include you in their life they will make the effort. When they don’t and you are a side item then it’s clear what’s really important to them (hint, not you). My advice is to care for yourself, seek professional help else where for depressive tendencies. Treat yourself to Yoga & meditation, reading, more sunshine & exercise. Chances are your new found independence will make them more attracted to you...if it isn’t too late for them. Stay strong.

Ernie - 33yo - level 30 -
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1 month ago

Sometimes my mind makes me believe my partner doesn't care at all. It's part of my "evil side" that causes my depression so the more depressed I get the less I think he cares. I obviously can't tell if that's your situation but it's something to consider. Sometimes we might misinterpret what others say because we just can't find a way out of that situation. No matter what he says at those times, it will upset me and I will be so rude to him it hurts me just to think about it. Then I come back to my senses and see that he actually cared but there wasn't much he could do.

Of course that might not be the case, and if your partner really doesn't care, then I suggest you try to explain your feelings in more detail. Sometimes people really don't get it.

But if your guts are telling you they really don't care, then consider taking some time away from them to take care of yourself. Hugs!

Gabi - 30yo - level 8 -
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4 months ago

In a similar situation I feel you :/ Best thing you can do is ask him what does straight out and also you decide what you want out of the relationship. It can't just exist for the sake of existing if there is no sharing of emotions. Just a customary call at night to check in isn't enough. Relationships are hard enough without distance and with distance both people need to pro-actively try a lot harder to maintain that bond with different activities done together online etc. Tbh it's very easy for the emotions to fade otherwise :(

Poushali - 22yo - level 21 -
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4 months ago

You have to tell him what you want or its not going to happen. You cant expect anyone really to know what to do if theyve never dealt with that situation. Its just logic and thats what men usually think with. He just doesnt know how to help you. I dont mean to be rude but it kinda sounds like youre overreacting and just need to talk to him.

Katherine - 18yo - level 17 -
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