3 - 82 - 3 weeks ago

My gf is seriously into BDSM yet I'm not... I don't want to abuse her..but it's the best way she get on. What do I do cope with it or just not do it .... (Never tried it yet she just tells me about it )

Jaylin - 18yo - level 9

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1 week ago

If it is really a turn on for her then I would think you should try. Start in small doses. Don't go gag balls and whips on the 1st day. Maybe just tie her hands with a piece of cloth and give her a spanking. You never know, it could be something you end up enjoying as well. Just start small. She will appreciate that.

Jim - 48yo - level 26 -
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1 week ago

If you’re not into it, don’t do it. If you’re worried about her safety, or your conscience, don’t do it. There’s a lot wrong with sex culture and its consumption these days, and the normalization / glamorization of sexual violence is one of the most harmful things about it. Basically, you don’t have to give in to the fad and you’re right to be hesitant about it. But if you want to compromise, try discussing sexual boundaries and new things you can try that don’t have to do with abuse/“pretend” abuse etc. Bondage for example is a part of BDSM that doesn’t have to do with aggression or anything and can be quite gentle, like blindfolds or silk scarfs etc - if novelty is what she’s looking for. Have a talk with her and ask her think critically about what exactly it is that draws her to BDSM. If what attracts her to it is the intensity, there are plenty of intense things you could suggest that aren't related to this area, even simple stuff like handholding or edging or prolonged eye contact. If it’s the dominance, suggest orgasm control etc. Try to find something that she finds a turn-on that doesn’t bother you morally. You can find lists and articles of things to try all over the internet, maybe do a checklist of things you’re both okay with doing. Always make sure whatever you end up trying is safe to do for beginners (or anyone). Be careful and make sure trust is established before you try anything crazy. Hope this helps! Good luck.

Mariam - 21yo - level 5 -
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2 weeks ago

Have you done any other research or reading about it? You say you don't want to abuse her, which is perfectly understandable, but the main tenets of bdsm are: safe, sane & consensual. Open, honest, constant communication is a must for this type of relationship, as well. So, you would only be doing what she has consented to and discussed with you beforehand. Abuse is strictly off limits & is just as frowned upon in the bdsm community as in "normal" circles, if not more. Trust is the cornerstone of these relationships. I would suggest you read up on the dynamics of bdsm relationships, the different kinds & levels of participation & keep an open mind about at least trying out a few things to find out if perhaps it's a lifestyle you might enjoy, or something you might be willing to indulge her in on occasion. Good luck to you!

Jessamyne - 30yo - level 1 -
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