10 months ago
If you’re not into it, don’t do it. If you’re worried about her safety, or your conscience, don’t do it. There’s a lot wrong with sex culture and its consumption these days, and the normalization / glamorization of sexual violence is one of the most harmful things about it. Basically, you don’t have to give in to the fad and you’re right to be hesitant about it. But if you want to compromise, try discussing sexual boundaries and new things you can try that don’t have to do with abuse/“pretend” abuse etc. Bondage for example is a part of BDSM that doesn’t have to do with aggression or anything and can be quite gentle, like blindfolds or silk scarfs etc - if novelty is what she’s looking for. Have a talk with her and ask her think critically about what exactly it is that draws her to BDSM. If what attracts her to it is the intensity, there are plenty of intense things you could suggest that aren't related to this area, even simple stuff like handholding or edging or prolonged eye contact. If it’s the dominance, suggest orgasm control etc. Try to find something that she finds a turn-on that doesn’t bother you morally. You can find lists and articles of things to try all over the internet, maybe do a checklist of things you’re both okay with doing. Always make sure whatever you end up trying is safe to do for beginners (or anyone). Be careful and make sure trust is established before you try anything crazy. Hope this helps! Good luck.
Mariam - 21yo - level 13 -