26 - 1096 - 5 months ago

My husband and I haven't been intimate like we used to be. I've tried talking to him about it and he seems defensive and hurt and nothing changes. He doesn't respond to my efforts, either, and I feel rejected. It's frustrating. How can I get him to understand that I see things differently than he does and that my needs aren't being met?

celly - 33yo - level 30

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5 months ago

There could be a lot of other things going on with him. If you are arguing a lot, that could be a major turn off. If either of you have gained weight, he isn't feeling confident for whatever reason, he's stressed at work or about family, or he's got a medical condition, he could be less into intimate action because of it. Sit him down and tell him you're worried about him. Ask him what's going on and if/ how you can help. Sometimes, being supportive is just as much of a turn on as being sexy.

William - 37yo - level 34 -
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4 months ago

Thanks so much! I hadn't thought of it that way.

celly - 33yo - level 30 -
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4 months ago

I have learned the hard way that when men turn down sex they are probably getting it elsewhere. Good luck to you guys

Babygirl - level 4 -
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4 months ago

That's not always the case.

Naya - 38yo - level 1 -
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4 months ago

That is incorrect. Men ,just like women,(I suppose) have deep feelings also and just because they turn down sex does not mean infidelity. I for one turn her down to prove a point.

Robert - 49yo - level 2 -
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4 months ago

I tend to think it's infidelity as well because how can a guy just go without sex unless they are 90? A week or so is one thing but a month or longer I'm going to presume cheating until you show otherwise

Jade - level 3 -
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4 months ago

I had almost the exact same issue between myself and my husband. Today he and I are separated, we have been for almost 2 years. Never really got him to see things from my point of view. He ignored my warnings that he was pushing me away. He did have his own struggles that indirectly affected these issues. Though he seemed to have no desire to work on his own or ours. I met someone else. I am very happy today. My needs are met, I'm satisfied, and he understands me. From my experience, sometimes compatability changes or we grow apart from those we love or had chose to spend our lives with. I empathize with your feelings of rejection. Don't let that define you. Seems its not you, but its his own lack of concern about your feelings. I hope he will pay attention before its too late. If he doesn't. again don't let it drag you down. When the time Is right you'll meet someone who will complete you as I have. Good luck.

Monica - 50yo - level 3 -
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4 months ago

Try doing things that turn him on, or let him walk in on you enjoying yourself and he will get it lol

Amber - 25yo - level 6 -
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4 months ago

This would work for me!

Ernie - 33yo - level 30 -
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4 months ago

He could be having sexual difficulties.... Too embarrassed to talk to you or a doctor about it. It could be from some kind of health problem!!! I don't understand people being so wrapped up in their sexual desires to not look at the whole picture of what is happening with their partner.

JoAnna - 40yo - level 37 -
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4 months ago

How do you know shes not looking at the whole picture? If hes not going to talk to her or a doctor is she supposed to read his mind or never have sex???

Jade - level 3 -
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4 months ago

Hello, I would encourage you to to write him little notes of encouragement. Compliment him about what you admire about him and ask him to go on a date with you or go do something that you will enjoy together. He will come around.

Jesse - level 8 -
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4 months ago

If he is struggling with his sex drive either physically or mentally it could lead to some embarassment which could come across as hurt and defensive. Try to approach it gently and in a supportive way also don't be too pushy or it could make the issue worse.

Susan - 32yo - level 23 -
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3 months ago

Keep talking and trying. Try sparking something new

Heather - 42yo - level 1 -
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4 months ago

Tell straight up

Trea - 40yo - level 11 -
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4 months ago

Ask him if he is cheating. I feel that more often than not when a person is withdrawn, frequently defensive, and generally annoyed at you it’s an expression of dissatisfaction in the relationship and embarrassment that they have gone somewhere else for an aspect of it. It’s happened to me, potentially more than once now, and really hurts.

Ernie - 33yo - level 30 -
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4 months ago

Sounds like there are other things going on in him for sure or perhaps there is something you are doing, whether consciously or otherwise, that could be affecting him.

Duane - level 20 -
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4 months ago

No matter what the situation is, being intimate is a big part of a relationship. Couples should always try & discuss what each other wants & try to come to a conclusion, me personally, I get turned on when my better half is yelling at me, I Know it sounds weird but it's a big turn on for me.

Tj - 49yo - level 16 -
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4 months ago

I've been married to my husband for ten years and going and we are sometimes trying new things and I will put a sexy outfit on too , sometimes it works for me but not all the time.

Tiffany - 37yo - level 36 -
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4 months ago

He knows. Knowingly or unknowingly he is pushing you away. He gets defensive because he is guilty of something or hiding something. Just my opinion through past experience. Good luck

Becky - 39yo - level 11 -
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4 months ago

See if you can change the focus to physical activity together. Maybe he is experiencing some medical problem or performance problem that he is scared and defensive to share with you because he does not want to be rejected. It might help to also take a peace of paper and wrrite down 3 concerns you have about the relationship and 3 things you deeply appreciate and ask him to do the same so it can help with your communication then discuss these things or request responses from one another for each point. You can also suggest speaking with a counselor.

Stephen - 30yo - level 3 -
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4 months ago

I have luckily been blessed with a super hot, super sexual woman in my life. I in the past however have had experience with significant others that did the bare minimum. I will say this. If you try to spice things up, and it doesn't help, and you communicate your needs to him respectfully, and it still doesn't help. I'd say he's really stressed out, and or there is someone else. Good luck to you.

Adam - 38yo - level 3 -
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4 months ago

What William said!!! 🙌🏻

Soha - level 7 -
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4 months ago

Well as soon as you know oks pass it along! Iam hitting 26yrs this mth with my husband and for the life of me he can NOT GET IT WHEN I SUGGEST something. I mean we would do it like rabits, every night, but when mine acted like your husband is, i learned to listen to my GUT, now for my situation i found out he was on multiple sex sites and seeking Craigslist skanks out with fake emails. Just always ALWAYS LISTEN TO YOUR GUT, or how some people say women's intuition. Good luck! And just bkow him away by sneeking in garage grab him now words and just pull his pants down and BLOW AWAY!! because he will be 😁😉🌬️

Evie - 48yo - level 1 -
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4 months ago

Is it possible he has low T? That can affect sex drive and overall drive.

Rachel - 25yo - level 36 -
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4 months ago

Try something spontaneous with him.

Tim - 36yo - level 1 -
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4 months ago

Ask him why without bringing up your needs. ( Only for this conversation ) Concentrate on him, this once, and find out why things changed. Once you know what his thoughts are without him shutting down, then you can figure out how to fix it.

Emi - 40yo - level 4 -
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4 months ago

Be honest with him about it. Yes it might start an argument but at least the two of you will know where you stand. I have had some huge arguments with my wife about nothing because we never talked about anything. We both would hide what was on our minds just to avoid arguing. And at the end of it we became closer and more responsive to unspoken problems with each other. The first step is always hardest.

Lucas - 44yo - level 10 -
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4 months ago

I think you should be patient but do not withdraw. Maybe you can do other stuff for him that communicates your unconditional love and commitment that will let him know that you are there for him and need him. Most of the times when we seek how to serve our spouse first, we will get back what we need most.

EliZbe - 29yo - level 25 -
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4 months ago

Approaching things from an I'm sorry stance can get their guard down quick. Apologize for how you may have made him feel by approaching him that way before and let him know you know he's got alot on his plate but that yall gotta figure out how to ensure that you're still sitting on his plate,too When I wasnt feeling pleased in the beginning I bought a toy and had him watch until i handed it to him to use. Boom, problem solved

Jess - 31yo - level 3 -
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4 months ago

Have you considered the possibility of him having a problem with porn? Having gone through it, the situation you describe seems remarkably similar. Even if you don't think it's an issue maybe consider asking him to stop using it for a while?
Good luck

Facundo - 34yo - level 12 -
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4 months ago

I would second this. If he is watching porn it rewires the brain to need more and more stimulation and makes it so eventually you only find fake things to "get you going" he may not even realize this is what is happening but stopping the porn and working on getting his brain wired correctly again is possible and if it is the issue will help immensly.

Jarom - 25yo - level 46 -
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