12 - 462 - 3 weeks ago

My husband and I haven't been intimate like we used to be. I've tried talking to him about it and he seems defensive and hurt and nothing changes. He doesn't respond to my efforts, either, and I feel rejected. It's frustrating. How can I get him to understand that I see things differently than he does and that my needs aren't being met?

celly - 33yo - level 21

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2 weeks ago

There could be a lot of other things going on with him. If you are arguing a lot, that could be a major turn off. If either of you have gained weight, he isn't feeling confident for whatever reason, he's stressed at work or about family, or he's got a medical condition, he could be less into intimate action because of it. Sit him down and tell him you're worried about him. Ask him what's going on and if/ how you can help. Sometimes, being supportive is just as much of a turn on as being sexy.

William - 37yo - level 20 -
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3 days ago

Thanks so much! I hadn't thought of it that way.

celly - 33yo - level 21 -
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1 day ago

If he is struggling with his sex drive either physically or mentally it could lead to some embarassment which could come across as hurt and defensive. Try to approach it gently and in a supportive way also don't be too pushy or it could make the issue worse.

Susan - 31yo - level 3 -
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3 hours ago

Is it possible he has low T? That can affect sex drive and overall drive.

Rachel - 24yo - level 25 -
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4 hours ago

Try something spontaneous with him.

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4 hours ago

Ask him why without bringing up your needs. ( Only for this conversation ) Concentrate on him, this once, and find out why things changed. Once you know what his thoughts are without him shutting down, then you can figure out how to fix it.

Emi - 40yo - level 3 -
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4 hours ago

Hello, I would encourage you to to write him little notes of encouragement. Compliment him about what you admire about him and ask him to go on a date with you or go do something that you will enjoy together. He will come around.

Jesse - level 1 -
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8 hours ago

Be honest with him about it. Yes it might start an argument but at least the two of you will know where you stand. I have had some huge arguments with my wife about nothing because we never talked about anything. We both would hide what was on our minds just to avoid arguing. And at the end of it we became closer and more responsive to unspoken problems with each other. The first step is always hardest.

Lucas - 44yo - level 2 -
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14 hours ago

I think you should be patient but do not withdraw. Maybe you can do other stuff for him that communicates your unconditional love and commitment that will let him know that you are there for him and need him. Most of the times when we seek how to serve our spouse first, we will get back what we need most.

EliZbe - 29yo - level 6 -
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14 hours ago

Approaching things from an I'm sorry stance can get their guard down quick. Apologize for how you may have made him feel by approaching him that way before and let him know you know he's got alot on his plate but that yall gotta figure out how to ensure that you're still sitting on his plate,too When I wasnt feeling pleased in the beginning I bought a toy and had him watch until i handed it to him to use. Boom, problem solved

Jess - 31yo - level 3 -
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14 hours ago

I had almost the exact same issue between myself and my husband. Today he and I are separated, we have been for almost 2 years. Never really got him to see things from my point of view. He ignored my warnings that he was pushing me away. He did have his own struggles that indirectly affected these issues. Though he seemed to have no desire to work on his own or ours. I met someone else. I am very happy today. My needs are met, I'm satisfied, and he understands me. From my experience, sometimes compatability changes or we grow apart from those we love or had chose to spend our lives with. I empathize with your feelings of rejection. Don't let that define you. Seems its not you, but its his own lack of concern about your feelings. I hope he will pay attention before its too late. If he doesn't. again don't let it drag you down. When the time Is right you'll meet someone who will complete you as I have. Good luck.

Monica - 50yo - level 3 -
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15 hours ago

Have you considered the possibility of him having a problem with porn? Having gone through it, the situation you describe seems remarkably similar. Even if you don't think it's an issue maybe consider asking him to stop using it for a while?
Good luck

Facundo - 34yo - level 4 -
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31 minutes ago

I would second this. If he is watching porn it rewires the brain to need more and more stimulation and makes it so eventually you only find fake things to "get you going" he may not even realize this is what is happening but stopping the porn and working on getting his brain wired correctly again is possible and if it is the issue will help immensly.

Jarom - 25yo - level 46 -
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19 hours ago

Rape him.

Raymond - 40yo - level 1 -
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