21 - 960 - 1 year ago

Major advice or experience needed-😭 My question is has anyone moved on forgave, have a healthy marriage now after adultery emotional & physically??? Together 13 years, married 9- 3 children... Therapy for both of us individual and together. Reading books, self care & help apps also. Willing to try anything to save us(we both are) possible to have a new chapter in our story? β™Œβ™‘πŸ’πŸ†˜πŸ˜£πŸ’

Brandi - 31yo - level 24

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1 year ago

My brother-in-law had a 6-month affair 15 years ago. They have the strongest most wonderful marriage that I know. But they were both willing to see what led to it. She fully accepted her part in him needing to find that, and he fully accepted how wrong it was for him to do so in the first place. But you will not find a couple more close then them now and they credit that to having to go through that. It took a lot of humility on both sides to get there, a lot of work, but they're marriage would not be what it is today without that having happened. Praying for you both

Tim - 47yo - level 21 -
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1 year ago

I would like to know what she did for him cheating

Jeanette - 37yo - level 4 -
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1 year ago

Sorry for your hurt, but I'm glad you're both wanting to work on it.
No advice or experience, but I pray God would restore a hundredfold what the enemy tried to steal.

Ntuthuko - 31yo - level 23 -
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1 year ago

First and foremost, you have to be willing forgive 100% if you want to move forward. You have to treat the relationship like it’s a new one and completely start over with each other. Your hopes, dreams, fears..everything has to be laid on the table, then take it day by day. Sometimes it’s gonna feel like one step forward and two steps backwards but it is possible to get through and come out even stronger as a couple. I wish you all the luck and strength in the world.

Christen - 34yo - level 17 -
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5 months ago

Yes

Kay - 30yo - level 1 -
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1 year ago

Dear brandi, if you can truly find it in your heart to let it go or forgive yes it is possible. But it will only happen if 1. He is remorseful and actually means to change his ways and 2. It has to be gone from your mind. Meaning when you have a fight it's not the first bit of ammo you use against him. I had some issues in my relationship and we are doing better then before because we both wanted it. I wish you the best and I hope things work out for you.

Plumm - 35yo - level 16 -
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1 year ago

I am going through the same thing. Married for 13 years in December, with 3 children. I have been dealing with it for a few years now. He started with random conversation, then moved onto meeting other women for coffee and having long drawn out conversations through the night while I was at work. Eventually, he moved on to a physical relationship with an acquaintance of mine and dear friend of his mother's. I did not see any issues in our marriage. If he wanted it he got it, wether that be a new boat or motorcycle, attention or cuddles, love or sex. His wishes were my commands, but mine were not his. It came to a head this past December two weeks before our anniversary. I now find myself very insecure and jealous, where he doesn't seem to have any issues. He says he is sorry for what he has done and will never do it again...but I don't want him around other women period, the trust is gone. When I tell him how I feel I'm "overreacting". We tried marriage counseling a couple years ago, when I suspected but didn't know, he went and blew it off, we haven't been back. I'm still stuck in the "maybe I am the issue phase" but am still giving it all I have. I wish you the best, know you aren't alone. If you need someone to vent to, well I'm here, patiently hoping things work out for the both of us.

Stephanie - 31yo - level 31 -
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5 months ago

Thank you help me pleaseπŸ˜­πŸ˜’πŸ˜“β€

Kay - 30yo - level 1 -
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1 year ago

Haven't remarried yet but am in a healthy relationship now and am open to the possibility of remarriage. It is possible with time, honesty and of course the right person. Praying for you!

Laura - 30yo - level 13 -
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1 year ago

Go see a hypnotherapist and write your questions and get the hypnotist to ask them while your awake then do the same other way round to see true thoughts and feelings

Stefan - 30yo - level 13 -
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5 months ago

Wow I didn't know this was possible well should I say I never heard of it. Thanks for the info

Kay - 30yo - level 1 -
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1 year ago

I am going through the same thing now. 13 years together, married 8, and have 2 kids. She cheated on me. We were apart nearly 6 months. Finally, after having some space from each other, we realized how much we missed and appreciated one another. It was hard and took a lot to find any kind of forgiveness, but it happened. We talked about everything, no matter how painful it was to hear and know. We both became open books to each other. Now we stay that way and make sure our communication is always open, even for the little things. The biggest thing is to always speak up when something is bothering and talk it out right away. Never hold on to the crap and let it build up. Make an effort everyday to tell the other what they mean to you and compliment them. No body wants to feel needed, they want to feel wanted. If it's something the two of you truly desire, then y'all will make it happen.

Cordell - 33yo - level 14 -
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1 year ago

10 years twin boys and found out he had been unfaithful tryed again and still lies to had to call it . And now I’m so much happier and met the love of my life

Hollie - 32yo - level 17 -
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1 year ago

Anything is possible with God first in any relationship. You have to decide to forgive and not bring it back up once you forgive. I am hoping for the best and be bless.

Ms. Robinson - 45yo - level 19 -
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1 year ago

Soooooo true, put him first in all endeavors and things will all fall into place!

Plumm - 35yo - level 16 -
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5 months ago

Yes

Kay - 30yo - level 1 -
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1 year ago

I'm on the same boat... She was in a relationship with her ex who is also married for 3 years... Were still together but I'm not the same person and I cant find myself to leave and lose all I have.. I hope it works for you both.

Boog - 31yo - level 20 -
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1 year ago

It is possible if you are both willing to work on your marriage. You will both have to be 100% honest with each other. Continue with the therapy and talk to each other about everything. It can definitely work, but only of you are both 100%committed to making it work. Good luck and may God bless you both and help you through this so you can one day help someone else.

Marinda - 33yo - level 47 -
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6 months ago

Years ago my husband cheated and we worked on our marriage through couples counseling . We had 3 young sons and I felt it would be better for them to grow up with both parents in the same house. There was no arguing and fighting around them and my husband was a really good dad. I worked so hard for years to get over my hurt and heartbreak. To forgive and forget this particular type of betrayal is so very hard. Honestly it took several years and he did his best to never give me a reason to distrust him for the next 20 years. Our marriage was better than ever and really strong. Then I found evidence of him going on dating sites ,messaging women ,arranging meetings ,etc . I wasn't snooping because I hadn't needed to . He lost his phone and i found it in the car between the seats. When I was getting it out the screen came on and there it was . I was devastated.
No one ever talks about all the hard work that goes into "Forgiving and Forgetting ". It's exhausting! It's constant! It's all consuming! Twenty-four hours a day ,seven days a week,365 days every year until you finally accomplish this almost impossible task. Oh ,did I mention that it's the Victim that does all this work not the one who committed the crime. Yes I did say crime !! At this point I wish I'd left the first time. Back then I was thirty and hot . Now I'm 63 and luke warm .πŸ˜ͺ I believe there were good years in between but I wonder if he was really happy with me and the kids or just suffering through it all.
One of the messages to a friend of his was " e pu__y gonna get me divorced ". I'm not sure if he was bragging or complaining. I think he was too chicken sh_t to tell me he wanted out. What do you think?
.

Kathy - 64yo - level 19 -
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1 year ago

So my husband was having an emotional relationship with a girl he meet for 2 months. I just found out. We started therapy last Wednesday and will be continuing. He is the one that wants to fix and found out what went wrong in our relationship and I’m willing to give him a chance.

Sydney - 23yo - level 14 -
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1 year ago

Yes, but only IF you can forgive, and FORGET. It takes time, and effort, but it is possible. I personally, asked VERY, VERY detailed questions. Questions most wouldn't want to know. Therefore, I had no "what ifs," bc I had all the answers. I even kicked the door in on him once, and all the hurt from that time of our lives is completely healed.

Heather - 31yo - level 2 -
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1 year ago

Iam going on 26years this mth and im not sure if there actually is a healthy marriage afterwards
i can say for mine its lije im either on a Rollercoaster ride from HELL. OR IAM SCREAMING ATVTHE TOP OF MY LINGS IN THE MIDDLE IF A TORNADO πŸŒͺ. I find my self beung mire knumb then anything. Take it from me DONT LOOSE YOUR AELF WORTH LIKE I HAVE A FEELING I HAVE πŸ˜”

Evie - 48yo - level 1 -
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1 year ago

So sorry Evie... This was never God's idea for (your) marriage.
Praying for you.

Ntuthuko - 31yo - level 23 -
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8 months ago

I dont think there is anyway to have a healthy relationship after cheating

Wade - 44yo - level 1 -
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1 year ago

That is completely situational. Personally I could not and would not forgive my wife if she cheated on me. If you are already struggling with affection and intimacy only to find out that your spouse is a lying cheat, I would say good riddance.

Nicholus Baker - 33yo - level 18 -
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1 year ago

Personally no but I have heard of it making couple's even stronger than before.

Queen D - 29yo - level 1 -
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1 year ago

Actually , it cuts like butter Everytime never had time to scare

Cindy - 30yo - level 31 -
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1 year ago

I surely hope so because I just can't start over again u forgive but can't forget , the first cut is only the deepest but it's not the final blow , each time it's. Harder to heel but tougher to break the skin

Cindy - 30yo - level 31 -
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