27 - 750 - 3 months ago

When we have arguments with my bf he never reconciled with me first. Even when it is his fault. He just starts ignoring me and he can keep silent for a few weeks not talking to me. This time it was obviously his fault and I am not going to make up first. How to sort out this situation?

anonymous - 33yo - level 27

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2 months ago

That's abusive behaviour. Walk away from him and find a healthy relationship where you are respected.

Jesse - 37yo - level 19 -
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2 months ago

That’s abusive behaviour. He needs to change it.

Steven - 41yo - level 19 -
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2 months ago

This is gaslighting and mental abuse. You deserve someone willing to work through the hard stuff. If he's not willing to work on that part of himself he's not ready for a relationship with you

Ayanna - 28yo - level 20 -
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2 months ago

Put up a boundary for yourself, of what your will)in yo put up with, and what your not. Talk to him and clearly outline to him what your boundary is andcthw consequence for crossing it.

If he respects you enough he will show some effort of honouring this.

Jamie - 38yo - level 12 -
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2 months ago

Yes, you are right. It is his fault, but it is also yours. Your boyfriend is full of pride and I agree that he needs to change his behaviour and how he treats you. But the arguments that you both discuss, confidential or not will always be both of your problems and it's for both of you to solve not just individually. Who cares who's fault it is? Who cares who made the first move? YOUR MAIN OBJECTIVE IN AN ARGUMENT IS TO SOLVE IT NOT TO WORSEN IT. Remember... ITS NOT YOU AGAINST EACH OTHER, ITS BOTH OF YOU AGAINST THE PROBLEM and you can't do that when both aren't in the same page. If this still continues and your bf is still in the same behaviour.....THERE ARE PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA...dont be afraid to open your heart out again. Giving chances is different when you give your bf TOO MANY chances. Solve the problem together and stop fighting what youre not supposed to fight- and that is each other.

Elyza - 14yo - level 18 -
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2 months ago

That’s emotionally abusive

Maggie - 41yo - level 6 -
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2 months ago

That sounds like he has a difficult time facing fears of rejection or that he made a mistake. He could a lot of work. It may be worth evaluating whether he is worth continuing to have a relationship with as that sounds very one-sided.

Collin - 33yo - level 20 -
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2 months ago

*chants* dump him dump him dump him

Amy - 19yo - level 18 -
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2 months ago

Honestly

Mariam - 21yo - level 13 -
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2 months ago

Don’t walk, run!!!

Sara - 39yo - level 12 -
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2 months ago

Do not put up with it. Ignoring you like that is emotional abuse and completely unacceptable.

Tim - level 30 -
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2 months ago

Dump him

Jen - 32yo - level 28 -
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2 months ago

Real men apologize when they know their wrong, find some who loves you unconditionally

Billy - 60yo - level 25 -
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2 months ago

Get a real man.

Steven - 35yo - level 8 -
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4 days ago

If you want him to make the first move to apologise and he knows that you want him to apologise... depending on how much you know him cause my bf is the silent hates me and don't talk to me for weeks ....so you know your right then you should tell him that he is wrong and since he isnt apologizing try the no contact and I mean it no matter what you want to don't text him at all or answer any calls for a few days and then he will have time to wonder what is going on and if he doesn't get it flat out say I wanted an apology and he wasn't going to be able to give it to u so why talk to him... He will be thinking about you every unanswered text or call until he has to go see what's going on

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1 month ago

I think you both need sometime to be with yourselves and think about it. Think why are you with him at the first place and if you love him why is all so stressful for you to talk to him even when its his fault. You need to let go and save your relationship if you love him. Best of luck

Fasiha - 20yo - level 14 -
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2 months ago

Time to move on

Tracy - 49yo - level 21 -
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2 months ago

I'd do exactly the same thing and not give in first ....men can be stubborn.. but women have more patience to out wait there stubbornness ...

Karina - 41yo - level 3 -
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2 months ago

I experienced this before and like others have said, that is abusive behavior. It's one thing to need time to collect your thoughts and settle your emotions before having a talk but refusing to talk at all or accept any responsibility is not adult behavior by any means.

Jolene - 26yo - level 1 -
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2 months ago

Set boundaries and make it clear that this is unacceptable, immature behaviour that shows his lack of respect for you.

Mariam - 21yo - level 13 -
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2 months ago

Be the bigger person and apologize first

Brandon - 22yo - level 15 -
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2 months ago

Lol no. That’s horrible, ignorant advice. She always does. If she is always apologizing first that’s a sign of emotional abuse and an immature partner - who she is better off without.

Mariam - 21yo - level 13 -
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2 months ago

I deal with the same problem mine can ignore me for like a week to two weeks before he starts to acknowledge that I'm alive

Summer - 41yo - level 25 -
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2 months ago

Be the mature one and act in a mature fashion meaning communicate regardless of his silent treatment. If necessary be the parent in the relationship. Hopefully he will realize how poor and childish his behavior is by your example.

Duane - level 18 -
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2 months ago

get super mad probably bring up a bunch of stupid shit from the past and make the fight alot bigger then it needs to be

Chantel - 25yo - level 8 -
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2 months ago

I have learnt the fact that men are tough and can go along without talking after fights. We women simply can't do that. It's not an ego issue but more of emotions. Men can hide their emotions pretty well while women can't. And it's better that you initiate the talks and reconcile with him. Later on you can always tease him that he should also do that sometimes, don't be sarcastic but playingly tell. Remember, nothing can come between you two. Ego, certainly shouldn't either.

Nimisha Sharma - 20yo - level 11 -
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2 months ago

The first few sentences here are very stereotypical and just plain untrue. You can’t speak for every woman/man with generalizations like this, especially unhealthy ones that excuse a lack of effort/maturity.

Mariam - 21yo - level 13 -
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2 months ago

My husband was highly abused as a child and emotionally scared. Apologizing is hard and a difficult concept for him. But once we talk about it he does okay. Is it more important for him to submit and do it the way u want or for a reconciliation? Thats what u have to decide. Is the We more important than the Me??

Cammi - 37yo - level 14 -
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2 months ago

That’s not even remotely the same situation. Don’t excuse or diminish immature/abusive behaviour in other men just because your husband went through trauma as a child.

Mariam - 21yo - level 13 -
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2 months ago

Most men aren’t generally clueless. Although it’s obvious to women that it’s the man’s fault, they can’t always see it. They might not be wired that way, and sometimes, we have to admit when we are over reacting. If you genuinely think it’s his fault, and he will continue to be silent no matter what, you need to call him out on it. Tell him he’s being a jerk. You don’t have to make up with him, but the silence will kill you eventually.

Christina - 35yo - level 6 -
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2 months ago

Accept the fact that you're going to have to be the one to apologize. Do it and move on, even if he refuses to talk to you, keep living your life. You don't have to apologize for the specific wrong, especially because it isn't yours, but you can apologize for the argument or the way you handled it. If you can't handle it, get out of the relationship now. Don't get married. It won't get better, it will only intensify. If it is something you can live with, chooae your reaponses carefully and then go about your days knowing you did the best you could.

Aimee - 39yo - level 8 -
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