69 - 1267 - 4 months ago

What do you do if you find out that your spouce of 14 years was in a secret relationship with her ex for the past 3 years?

Boog - 30yo - level 20

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4 months ago

Find out why she’s been doing it. Most likely nothing will be a good enough answer, but 14 years is a long time to spend with someone. If she truly expresses shame, guilt, or regret, and is willing to end it with the ex, look into a marriage and/or sex therapist. Good luck and I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

Jaclyn - 36yo - level 20 -
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4 months ago

End it. Change the locks. Drain the bank account. Give their clothes to good will.
Chances are because this has been going on they have made plans leave you high and dry.

Paul - 53yo - level 33 -
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4 months ago

Agree.

Carine - 32yo - level 27 -
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4 months ago

Haha! Yeah I'd do the same, stuff staying around. What an absolute slap in the face

Gemma - level 6 -
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4 months ago

Don't do that, sounds super immature. Act like a grown up man

Madgscherly - 26yo - level 36 -
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4 months ago

👆 someone had to say it.

Mary - 36yo - Living together - 2 - Moravian Falls, United States - level 16 -
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4 months ago

👊

Mary - 36yo - Living together - 2 - Moravian Falls, United States - level 16 -
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4 months ago

Quietly leave. Never return

Ken - 42yo - level 11 -
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4 months ago

Tough decision to make, maybe find a partnership and get ur own secret relationship, less open minded is to use that opportunity to win the divorce easily if you can prove she cheated. 14 years is a lot and deserve a chance to adapt or find problems and fix them

Alexy - 28yo - level 23 -
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4 months ago

I agree ☝🏽

Isis - 26yo - level 2 -
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4 months ago

First feel betrayed.. Then wonder and ask where it went wrong and for what reasons she decided to make this choice..Then depending on the answer and circumstances, consider a divorce. Most likely since it's 3 full years... But I won't say it's impossible for a recovery. Trust will be lethaly damaged, so it would be a challenging thing to go through.

Ruben - 24yo - level 8 -
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4 months ago

Find out the reason why so I can fix the issue and then i would have to leave them because 3 years is a LOT OF DECEPTION and lying and sneaking around! Then I would get a lot of counceling so that I do my absolute best to not carry the trust and insecurity issues into the next relationship I get into.

Christina - 37yo - level 4 -
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4 months ago

Leave. Get a divorce. It's very difficult to recover and trust me ... You will have a hard time getting it out if your head. I wish I had left the first time at 32. Instead I stuck it out, had a beautiful daughter with my ex, and ended up divorced anyway at 38 (now with a kid in the middle of her mess). She's marrying the other man anyway after all that. I wasted years of my life trying to hold onto something. Once they leave the marriage ... They've left you. Don't wait. You have the best years ahead of you. I found the woman of my dreams and had a lot of fun looking for her. You'll be okay. Respect yourself first.

Jeff - 43yo - level 40 -
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4 months ago

Thank you

Boog - 30yo - level 20 -
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4 months ago

Agree

Cindy - 44yo - level 8 -
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4 months ago

Pack up your sht and leave when she's not there.

Selena - 19yo - level 27 -
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4 months ago

Somebody getting fu**** up

Michale - 31yo - level 12 -
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4 months ago

I couldn't be with this person anymore. Im not sure how I would react. I think I would pack my things and leave when he's not home.

Patrycja - level 5 -
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4 months ago

Move on

Crystal - 40yo - level 8 -
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4 months ago

Leave

Gloria - level 12 -
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4 months ago

Murder

Marci - 28yo - level 12 -
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4 months ago

Leave and don't look back. Take what you can

David - 41yo - level 41 -
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4 months ago

First thing I would empty the bank accounts if we had joint accounts,then I would get what dirt I could on her for court purposes.then I would wait until they was together agin and drop in on them with my side peice

Rusty - 40yo - level 18 -
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4 months ago

Fucking leave the slut

Sharna - 34yo - level 17 -
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4 months ago

I would plan revenge and burn both of their lives up. Change bank accounts, drain them, ( you’ll end paying some of it back but it’s a pain for her to deal with ) change the locks, donate clothes, let her work now. That’s awful and I’m petty obviously.

Kaydee - 30yo - level 16 -
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4 months ago

You have to be true to yourself as they are being to themselves. It is not an easy thing to swallow but letting go might be the best thing that happened to you. 3 years is a long time for an affair. Let go and move on. Cheaters are cheaters today and tomorrow.

Cindy - 44yo - level 8 -
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4 months ago

All woman give classy advice but guys go hard, that's really disappointing to see how guys are scared of cheating. My friend I would tell you to get out when she is not home or leave all her stuff outside for her and changed all the lock. Marriage is a big deal, divorce affects kids and parents. Good luck my friend, don't let her find anything bad to say about you and win the divorce if possible take the kids away. She is not a good example but look for what you did wrong to avoid the same happen to you in your life again.

Madgscherly - 26yo - level 36 -
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1 week ago

Just because someone cheated that has no correlation with how they would be as a parent. We have no idea why she cheated. And not saying he caused it but there are always two sides to a sorrystory. Her cheating does not mean she would be a bad mother or a bad influence. That is terrible advice to be spiteful and use kids in doing so by taking them away from their mother just cuz you are mad and hurt. If you have kids you figure out the best way to co-parent and do so amicably no matter what happened to end it. Because nothing that you both did Is the kids fault and the child should not suffer having one parent taken out of the picture just because of stupid adult decisions.

Christina - 33yo - in a relationship for 1 year - Dating - level 12 -
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4 months ago

Leave

Mia - 39yo - level 13 -
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4 months ago

I’d confront my spouse, ask what led to the affair, but after 3 years, the marriage may be over. How do you rebuild trust when your spouse has lied that long? So sorry to hear of this.

Lauren - 52yo - level 40 -
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4 months ago

Simple - BYE

Dina - 40yo - level 25 -
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4 months ago

Pack the car get the cash hit the road

Lynn - 38yo - level 29 -
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4 months ago

Cheating is NEVER ok and that it was with an ex is a bullet in the back

Keith - 53yo - level 33 -
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4 months ago

Bye, Bitch!

Kristi - 33yo - level 11 -
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4 months ago

I dont deal with cheating very well. I dont think anyone does and if I were to find that out knowing me I'd probably eat everything out of house and home and end it and move on

Heather - 19yo - level 2 -
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4 months ago

Ask why? If there is still any love there? If they would be willing to drop the other? Fight for the relationship but if she ain’t coming around... it’s time to DIP BABY DIP!

Dami - level 12 -
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4 months ago

Leave.

Candace - 41yo - level 25 -
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4 months ago

Leave her

Sumanth - 26yo - level 4 -
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4 months ago

Get counseling immediately if you want to save the marriage.

Duane - level 20 -
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4 months ago

Leave the marriage, he already did!

Siouxzie - 46yo - level 16 -
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4 months ago

I would start the divorce precedings.

Adrian - 28yo - level 44 -
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4 months ago

Try talking with her, but probably better to judt end it

Anja - 21yo - level 9 -
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4 months ago

I'd pack up n leave

David - 39yo - level 12 -
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4 months ago

Dump her bro. Trust is so important in a relationship and she broke it

Bri - 20yo - level 44 -
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4 months ago

I wiil go and say I know everything and wish them happy life and finish my relationship. Of course I am upset. Now I think like that maybe it will be change.

Kane - 20yo - level 6 -
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4 months ago

Lose my shit. Flip out. Have an emotional break down

Amberly - 26yo - level 4 -
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4 months ago

Tell her to go fuck off. Or talk to the ex and surprise her with a dp

Derreck - 39yo - level 14 -
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4 months ago

End it

Dasith - 21yo - level 27 -
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4 months ago

Kick her the fuck out. I wouldn't be nice about it. I would grab her by the hair and drag her out if she didn't leave immediately.

Roger - 55yo - level 5 -
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4 months ago

I would shit in a bowl of chili, and serve it up warm and hot, then tell her, now that I have shared you with your ex, now he can kiss you and see how my shit really taste, because a piece of shit is always going to be a piece of shit... DEUCES...!!! HAH..!!!

Dave - 46yo - level 24 -
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4 months ago

BYE FELICIA....!!!

Dave - 46yo - level 24 -
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4 months ago

Fuck that, id have to end things no matter how much I love her. Id just walk out of the door and leave. Then send her a message later after i calmed down some. Letting her know i found out and it was over

Austin - 18yo - level 4 -
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4 months ago

Done just done

Vivian - 43yo - level 5 -
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4 months ago

Divorce and take everything. Trust has been shattered.

Lea - 34yo - level 13 -
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4 months ago

Walk away and not look back

Lynette - 38yo - level 33 -
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4 months ago

Oooiuuhhj bitch might get 👏 that 5 finger discount. The boot needless to say

Jrashid - 38yo - level 29 -
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4 months ago

Do my best to work through the issues that have caused the unfaithfulness, but be heartbroken at the betrayal.

Sarah - 28yo - level 8 -
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4 months ago

I will be out of control in the first days , but i will forgive her and raise our love high ,and after she really felt in my love i will do the same , cheating and let her know

Masoud - level 3 -
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4 months ago

what spouse?

Tony Sun - 20yo - level 17 -
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4 months ago

Right

Boog - 30yo - level 20 -
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4 months ago

Its over

Heather - 29yo - level 12 -
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4 months ago

Ditch em both...

Matthew - 34yo - level 15 -
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4 months ago

Bye

Tim - 41yo - level 27 -
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4 months ago

Run 🏃🏼

Luke - 30yo - level 16 -
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4 months ago

End it.she is worth nothing.

Adam - 25yo - level 14 -
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4 months ago

Scream!

Blair - 54yo - level 34 -
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4 months ago

Find an empty plot in the woods and bring a shovel cause his a** would be grass!!!
Not seriously but I would be. Beyond livid!!!

Janet - 36yo - level 15 -
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4 months ago

I would break up with her imeaditly and start having sex with my ex and throw it back in her face and never look back!

Chris - 39yo - level 3 -
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4 months ago

I would personally leave them, but I suggest reading Esther Perel's The State of Affairs if you need guidance on what to do if you plan to stay. In either case I suggest you read the book as it's really therapeutic for someone who's been cheated on.

Ariel - 31yo - level 46 -
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4 months ago

I would tell them I found out face to face. Cut off all communication. Drop their things off at a family or friends home. Change locks and security codes. Block their number and email. Erase them from my life and move on.

Denise - 37yo - level 18 -
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4 months ago

DIVORCE!!

Sherry - level 31 -
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4 months ago

Stab both of them in the neck.

Mitch - 44yo - level 22 -
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4 months ago

Frame them both for your murder and run off with the insurance money.

Bruce - 32yo - level 18 -
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4 months ago

easier said than done but I will leave them

Auro - 40yo - in a relationship for 5 years - Married - 2 - level 6 -
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4 months ago

Kill her

Samy - level 17 -
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4 months ago

Definitely cut the relationship off all kind of disrespect had happened for too long, which means there is no feelings of remorse there. It will take a lot of love, willingness, therapy trust and time to get over this together. But that's only my opinion I wish you the best of luck

Auro - 40yo - in a relationship for 5 years - Married - 2 - level 6 -
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4 months ago

learn how to spell "spouse"

celly - 33yo - level 29 -
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4 months ago

Haha fuck off

Boog - 30yo - level 20 -
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4 months ago

I agree with Paul I would just leave him, but to each its own. 3 years is a long time. That's not a mistake in my book because he continued to do it and didjt stop to think about me or the kids. He isnt stupid. He is a grown man and he knows right from wrong so " deuces."

Zenya - 43yo - level 34 -
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4 months ago

She cheated not me

Boog - 30yo - level 20 -
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4 months ago

Duce's. I don't have time for a faithless manwhore.

Johnny - 44yo - level 8 -
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4 months ago

A few weeks ago I would have said throw his ass out. But now after going through this myself and knowing how much I miss my soulmate I'd have to say I'd be shocked and hurt. But I'd also try to forgive and work it out as long as he showed true remorse and ended the affair. No sense in throwing away something good because of one mistake.

Candice - 41yo - level 1 -
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4 months ago

The past 3 years cheating,no way

David - 39yo - level 12 -
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4 months ago

I agree. A one-time mistake under extenuating circumstances might justify Candice's answer... but 3 years cheating, I'm with David!

Harry - 44yo - level 30 -
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