30 - 1155 - 1 month ago

If you had an issue with your partner about their past sexual experiences i.e. inviting a 3rd person into the bedroom. And opposed to the idea . Even the very thought makes you sick. But can tell it's something you're partner is into and although tells you it's not something needed but you can tell it may be more of an issue then they are letting on how would you go about resolving the situation?

Matt - 36yo - level 17

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1 month ago

I think honesty in these types of situations is key. It is each person's responsibility in a relationship to be honest with their partner on their preferences, what makes them unhappy or unhappy, etc. If you have been honest with your partner about strongly opposing the idea, it is your partner's responsibility to be honest about whether or not having a 3rd party added to your sex life is detrimental to their happiness or sexual fulfilment. Your partner has told you that it's not a necessity. This should be taken at face value because relationships should have a solid foundation of trust and honesty.

If you truly believe your partner is being dishonest about their true desires, try approaching the situation from a place of love, curiosity and understanding. They may not want to open up about this if they know you are so strongly opposed due to fear or embarrassment. Once someone feels as though they have a safe space to talk about their desires or vulnerabilities, they will feel more comfortable with opening up because they won't fear rejection or worry about disappointing the person they love.

Alicia - level 19 -
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1 month ago

I know myself and I know I am very emotional when it comes to insecurities such as this in a relationship. I usually like to completely understand why I feel this way about his past. I always remember never to "blame" him, because he has not done anything wrong, I focus more on why I feel this insecure, and when I better understand that he is with me for me and I have calmed down, then I just explain calmly to him what I am feeling and we have a deep conversation about it l.

Rhiannon - 19yo - level 5 -
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1 month ago

Definitely not happening, if that's what they want then they must not want to be only with you. To me a relationship is 2 people period. No exceptions.

Dakota - 26yo - level 12 -
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1 week ago

Agree 100%

Danielle - 42yo - level 5 -
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1 month ago

Honestly the past is the past... it's my future as well... if she wants a 3rd party involved, then by all means, go back to your ex... I want my soulmate that I satisfy completely... having a 3rd person would cause conflicts... I know my worth, and I could find someone with those same feelings. If trusting comes with different sexual partners... and I agreed, then I need my head examined... maybe if I was 20yrs old to try, but I'm older now, and want my life partner to settle down with and grow old together...

Dave - 46yo - level 13 -
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1 month ago

You should have talked about that before you got into a relationship. If you didn't take the time to find that out. What else is it that you don't know?

Leroy Williams - 36yo - level 13 -
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1 month ago

You may be reading into it a little more than they intend. Your partner has lived out that fantasy and although enjoyed it, that doesnt mean that she will be unhappy if she doesnt do it again. Going along with something, especially sexually, with your partner that you feel so strongly about, just to make them happy even though they are telling you it's not needed, will only lead to eventual resentment and disdain. Trust me. For years I just did what my ex wanted in order for h to be happy bc I thought he just "deserved" whatever it was to make him happy. It ended in a very ugly way.

Trust that your partner is happy and satisfied in your relationship if that's what they have told you. And don't allow yourself to focus and linger on things from the past.

Katie - 37yo - level 8 -
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1 month ago

Don't if you don't feel comfortable with it.
But if you considering it, start small. There are places you can go naked and watch other people do it with their partner and others, you don't have to join. You can go there with your partner and agree upon not doinf anything with anyone else. Just try out the vibe. Even going there might strengthen her feelings for you ;)

Kelly - 23yo - level 20 -
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1 month ago

Leave. It will only get worse from there.

Wytefella - level 13 -
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4 weeks ago

I think I would definitely feel uncomfortable at first knowing that I’m not enough, but maybe talk to them about why they want to add an extra person?

Gabrielle - 18yo - level 1 -
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1 month ago

the self side if me wants a threesome but the sefish side of me dont share well so no way i would be to jellous afterword and have problems with it so. for me i want to fuck another but i woudnt want her to be shared. so its no go for us..

tim - 41yo - level 22 -
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1 month ago

I know that I'm that kind of woman like your partner. But I would accepted if I honestly knew what is the problem that my partner see in threesome for example. So I would never show how much this idea means to me if I know he doesn't like it. But if he would come to me and said that he just cannot bear the idea of me seeing with someone else I would understand. And I would hope that maybe he is open for something else I would like to try. So I advise you to thing why this idea makes you sick and then tell her and you can find some other alternatives she likes and you can accept it. (sorry for my english)

Anja - 21yo - level 9 -
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1 month ago

Unfortunately, that gut feeling that informs you of your partner’s desires is no different then the feeling of intuition that alarms you of infidelity or deceit. If your partner has only a desire that they have NOT acted on and most likely do NOT want to indulge or encroach (our of respect for you) speaking about their desire to engage in a threesome, then you are relegated to working on your insecurity only, as further prodding will most likely lead to denial- and a slight desire without any action is on it face, non-offending. As with all things in a relationship, communication is key, one day the topic should be encroached, and a hopefully a compromise can be reached. As a tip to self-improvement, try putting yourself in your partner’s shoes. If there was something you desired but refrain from acting on, maybe that can inform your growth. Keep in mind people change and this desire may grow in your partner, as they change, and so should you. If your partner desires for a threesome grows they should feel a discussion at the very least, is possible.

Lex - level 18 -
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1 month ago

An honest but loving conversation is a good start. My partner is A LOT less open minded than me, but we work, because he trusts that I won't push him into situations he's absolutely opposed to. I think if you trust her, you should try to be as open as you can without betraying your core values. If sex and intimacy with you two needs work, then any of that fetish stuff will become unhealthy. A kinky relationship needs to start with a strong sexual relationship between the two of you, before you invite others in. Trust me! I was in such a one for 7 years, but it wasn't that I wasn't comfortable doing the things he wanted me to do, it was because our own sex and emotional connection didn't work. He cheated on me throughout, so I didn't trust him. But my current relationship isn't like that, I'm still my own kinky self but now I feel safe in the bedroom so I'm open to it all again, but I respect that there's certain things my partner isn't into. All I ask is that he try certain things, or we find a compromise that works for both of us (ideas for a threesome without doing a threesome: shoot a video for someone else, or just yourselves, go to a swingers club just to play with the idea, you can agree on what your both comfortable with, I. E. just dancing, maybe kissing, maybe that's it). All I think you need to let her know is that your open to trying things, and that you want to build trust between the two of you first and I think she'll work with you. If she pushes it, then she's not respecting your boundaries, and then you'll have to go from there, but it's give and take right? Just be willing to dip your toe in and she'll appreciate it. Hope that helps!

Catherine - 33yo - level 12 -
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1 month ago

Fuck it, where's the 4th?

Matthew - 25yo - level 4 -
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1 month ago

When it comes to what is probably jealousy, I always remember that jealousy is not actually an emotion in and of itself - it's a combination of emotions, and I try to get to the bottom of what my jealousy is really about. Am I afraid that my partner will leave me for this other person? Am I afraid that my partner will compare us, or that my partner will find the other person more attractive, funnier, sexier, better to be around? Or am I afraid that asking for a threesome is my partner's way of starting to drift away from me? Am I afraid I will lose my partner? When I dig deep and find the root emotions driving my jealousy, then things get easier for me to communicate.

There are also gender dynamics to consider here. Are you a heterosexual couple, and is it the woman or man asking for a third? Do they want that third person to be a man or a woman? Are you afraid of doing something homosexual, or of your partner doing something homosexual, and enjoying it? Or is it a man asking for another woman to join, in which case there is a host of potential questions about objectification, misogyny and so on.

Either way, I hope that through honesty and being very blunt about each others sexuality and trust and boundaries, you get to the bottom of the difference and can move ahead together as a team :)

Di - 29yo - level 10 -
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1 month ago

I'd try to find some sort of compromise or suggest we both do something for each other that we are against.

Quincey - 28yo - level 5 -
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1 month ago

Relationship is built on trust and understanding. And if its a question of morality for you then I would never expect a compromise in that situation. That said if you think you can handle it and are sure that it’s just sexual fantasy which in no way makes you or your relationship vulnerable then you can try to be the brave heart here. But if your consciousness tells you otherwise then stand by it and expect your partner to respect your decision. There can be urges there can be fantasies but being strong and standing by what you truly believe matters. In my opinion third party in any situation, be it conversation, argument, debate, love or war it is always very risky.
Remember the story where two monkeys are fighting for a piece of food when a cat notices them and comes by and monkeys asks for its help. Cat tries to divide the food but ends up making a wrong Ratio division. So to balance it the cat eats that extra piece. But then the other half looks too big this time the cat eats the extra on this side.
So on and so forth eventually the cat eats the entire thing and monkeys end up getting nothing out of it.
Morale of story, you tell me.
Hope this helps.

Sumanth - 26yo - level 4 -
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1 month ago

I should be enough for him and he should understand and respect my feeling. that's love.

Auro - 40yo - in a relationship for 5 years - Married - 2 - level 6 -
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1 month ago

Let partner go. Needs don't match.

Beth - 47yo - level 19 -
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1 month ago

In a monogamous relationship this would put doubt in the other person's mind.

Carolyn - 38yo - level 18 -
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1 month ago

In a open relationship that probably be fine but in one that's monogamous it's very disrespectful in my opinion

Bart - 39yo - level 15 -
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1 month ago

I love this woman to much to share. If she really needs that she can find it somewhere else and I will be content alone knowing she found happiness. But I could never share her. And I would never in all seriousness make her share me either. We should be enough for each other and if we're not then we must not be as good of a match as we tend to think.

Mathew - 22yo - level 1 -
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1 month ago

Sorry but I don't share. I'm in it for the Long haul. Maybe were not a good fit..

Beth - 36yo - level 8 -
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1 month ago

Your not into that so don't make her think your okay with it cause relationships are built on trust

Ernest - 25yo - level 38 -
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1 month ago

Desiring a third person in the sexual relationship is considered extreme, could be sought by a bipolar or borderline person. Rule this possibility out. Either way one thing is sure, they need more than "normal" to be turned on. It's not gonna be easy for you and they won't change easily either. Good luck

PurpleM - 31yo - level 26 -
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4 weeks ago

Hi, this is a very interesting outlook. Ie it’s. It just a sexual fantasy urge but goes way deeper. Eg mental related issues or other things. Can I ask for more info on this. Is this your experience? Or something you saw somewhere else. I would love to get more info on this please.

Monica - 38yo - level 4 -
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1 month ago

If it makes you sick to think about it. Then your partner must make you sick, exspecially if you can tell it's something they need. If it's not for you tell your partner. Tell them you can't be that person and they just won't be able to make them truly happy in that department , and then you should walk before the both of you wind up hurt.

Larry - 41yo - level 32 -
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1 month ago

If it's something that you think is definitely not your thing and even though you think your partner us still into it, you have to stop and decide whether YOU can let it go or not and then decide whether or not you even trust your partner because all good relationships are based on trust and honesty. If your partner says they dont need it then you should be able to trust their honesty.

Crystal - 40yo - level 6 -
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1 month ago

Would talk to them about why I feel the way I do so they have a better understanding

Ashley - 28yo - level 39 -
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1 month ago

Well said Ashley

Ernie - 33yo - level 22 -
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1 month ago

Similar to another post. Try asking from a place of love. They know you are disgusted with the idea of a third person involved. Maybe they are not seeking it but unstead embarassed about what you think of them since this is somethinh they have done in the past. Did you judge them when they told the story of the experience? Did you immediately provide your disgust with that sort of thing? Because that would upset me if I was sharing intimate details of something I did and my partner immediately says how gross or disgusting they think that behavior is. Like, what do they think of me now that they know I did this?

Anthony - 34yo - level 22 -
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1 month ago

If your partner said it’s not a big deal then all you can do is believe them until they prove you otherwise. If they are constantly dropping hints then you should also drop hints that it’s not something that you’re into.

Re - 23yo - level 23 -
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