26 - 624 - 2 weeks ago

He absolutely will not talk to me. I feel like I’m drowning, but choose to stay. I made everything living in his goddamn town and with him my whole life, I really do think I’d be more miserable if I left. We have good days, sure. But I’m beginning to hate him. Seriously. He has to be right and if I talk about ‘one more negative thing’, he’ll leave or ignore it. I falling to pieces and suck at taking advice; mostly cause I won’t. I know a lot of responses will enforce dumping him and thats fine. I just wanna know what others would do in my situation. Are there any words of wisdom that’ll change my distorted view, anything? I’m falling to pieces, while he sleeps like a baby every night.

Milly - 28yo - level 8

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3 days ago

Relax. Focus on YOU and doing things you enjoy. Invite him to join you or not. Find what makes you happy all by yourself. He will want to be part of it if he cares for you. If he doesnt then he will eventually fade our of the picture as you find yourself. By then you wont even care anymore because you love yourself.

Jenn - 46yo - level 2 -
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1 day ago

Yeah not a good reply not everybody that cold-hearted

Norm - 42yo - in a relationship for 11 years - Married - Defiance Ohio, United States - level 44 -
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2 days ago

It sounds like you need to focus on you a little more and go back to the place when before the relationship and ask yourself what makes you happy. Its seems like you have been together for a while because for you to say you maybe more miserable if you left sounds like youre comfortable. When you tired of something the what ifs and optimism isnt pressing instead you just act and come to a conclusion.
I think first you should pray depending on your religious beliefs, second start going back to figuring out what makes you happy and stop depending on people others (even your man) to do that. Your happiness is based on what you make of it and you have to ask yourself just like they say how can you love someone else if first you havent taken the time to love you.
Once you have done this then take the time to approach him differently and more subtle but talk to him. He is only one source of your concern when the timing is right and when he is ready he will talk. I wouldnt say run away or dump him because if this is in a marriage you couldnt just leave you work it out.
Also stop being negative your life becomes what you consume and you only have one life to live so wake up get your goals or plan of action and act on it. You will be happy when you at least try to do different. Good Luck

Bae - 34yo - level 7 -
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2 days ago

Try not to focus so much on him. Try to do more things just for u. It won't be easy but it will tell u if you should stay there for the long run or if you would be better else where.

Rachel - 34yo - level 21 -
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3 days ago

I was in your shoes. We did couples therapy. He wasn't willing to change, and I wasn't willing to deal with it anymore so I left. It was difficult, but things have majorly improved without my mental health suffering because of my broken marriage.

Rose - 28yo - level 43 -
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2 days ago

It's ok. It happens more than often in relationships. I'd say that take out some "you" time and focus on yourself for some time or at least till you gain a better perspective of your relationship.
Sometimes, we overthink or are unable to think positively because of many things that happen in the relationship or in our own personal lives . You need to think about yourself but at the same time need to realise how much strong your love and affection is towards your boyfriend. It's all about realising the important things in the relationship that count. Take some time, clear your mind.

The same thing happened with me. I am in a long distance relationship. I was in a very tough position in my life and things seemed overly complicated. My relationship withmy boyfriend was suffering because of it and I was having all the pessimistic thoughts about our relationship and everything in my life. At one point, I even told him that it wouldn't work like this. But then, I decided to take a little break from our relationship. I know it's a long distance relationship, but we keep on texting each other throughout the day and keep on telling each other what's happening, how we're feeling, etc etc.
So, I decided to take a few days off. He has always been optimistic about our relationship despite the distance and differences, but because I was not at the right place in my life, I was feeling this way.
And let me tell you, every moment furing that break, I missed him so bad. I couldn't do it for more than 3 days and when I talked to him again, I realised that I really love him a lot and can't think of being without him.

Sometimes, all you need is some time off from the relationship to focus on yourself and sort out your priorities. I won't say that breaking up or being in a relationship that seems toxic is good, but it's important to be selfish and think about yourself. Ask yourself if you're happy, give yourself some time And you'll realise what

Priyangi - 19yo - level 5 -
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2 days ago

I was in your shoes. I moved to a city where I knew no one to be closer to his family. Leaving will not be easy. It will be hard at first. Every bone in your body will tell you to go back. But something in the back of your mind will tell you that’s not right. Listen to that voice. Go to individual therapy to find out why you let yourself stay in a relationship you hate. I know for sure that with time the greatest day of your life will be the day you decided to leave

Shay - 27yo - level 15 -
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2 days ago

I agree with Jenn. If you aren’t sure about leaving, find something that will make you happy until you all get on the same page. You seem really miserable and unhappy. It’s so sad because everyone has been there.

Erica - 30yo - level 8 -
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2 days ago

Try to practice mindfulness everyday, even as simple as keeping a journal with three things you are grateful for. I'd also try to minimise negative responses or comments towards him (I know it's easier said than done) just for a few days even, and thank him and praise him for things that he does right. Hopefully he'll start being a little less hostile towards you and you'll have a chance to try and bring up your concerns and offer a solution.
Eg- "i feel overwhelmed when I don't get the chance to express how I'm feeling to you. Please know I'm not attacking or blaming you for how I'm feeling, I'm just trying to explain to you where my head is at. You don't need to say anything and I'm not expecting you to answer my problems, sometimes its enough for me that you to know and understand my headspace"

Jennifer - 23yo - level 2 -
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2 days ago

I was in a similar situation for 7 years, he still hasn't changed. You can't expect them to either. There's plenty of fish in the sea who will work at giving you what you want and need. Just ask yourself honestly, if he never changed, could I deal with it forever? If not then get out! You only have one life to live and you should be living it to its fullest! ❤️

Catherine - 33yo - level 9 -
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2 days ago

I know it can be hard to live in a situation like that, I was in one that was similar and it took me going out one day and watching other people interact to see that I am not where I should be. So my advice to you is if you are not happy and he will not change or try to work it out with you it is time to be alone and spend time on yourself. If you do this you will be happy maybe not at first but you will be, as well as less stressed.

Joe - level 26 -
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2 days ago

I was in that situation. We were young and he was my first. But it seemed like he loved me but also wanted other girls. I was 18 and he was 20. It went on for some years. Finally I did things for myself, had my own hobbies and own life. It was really hard but eventually I cared a bit less about his precense. And that was what made me happy and less negative about myself, that was the key for the solution. I stopped living for him and started to do things that made me happy, regardless of how much I missed him while being without him. (recently I found out he just had a hard time handling my depression and didn't know how to act)
Now I'm 23 and we live together and are better than ever :D

Kelly - 23yo - level 20 -
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2 days ago

Maybe try spending some time on your own? You could stay somewhere else for a week or two (if possible) and see how you feel. Could give you both an indication of how you’re feeling about each other.

Luke - 30yo - level 10 -
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2 days ago

Focus on what will make you most happy and relaxed with yourself today and try not to worry about what tomorrow may be. Things have ways of working themselves out. One thing may leave your life but another one comes in to fill that void. Things balance out you just need to decide what side of the scale you want. Staying could get better or worse just as leaving could be better or worse. But doing nothing is still making a choice. Hope the best for you all.

Norm - 42yo - in a relationship for 11 years - Married - Defiance Ohio, United States - level 44 -
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2 days ago

In the end you have to find out what will make you happy. If being with him makes you happy, be with him. If m
oving somewhere else or changing jobs or anything else will make you happier then do that. I think making a pro con list is the 1st tool and finding happiness. The 2nd tool is your feet.Set your feet in the direction you need to go and take at least one step every day that you can.There are no excuses in life just less happiness and then you deserve.

Wesley - 39yo - level 7 -
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2 days ago

Also, do you know what a rut is? It's a grave open at both ends. If you're in a rut, get out. You can be so comfortable there then you find yourself years older waking up dead.

Wesley - 39yo - level 7 -
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2 days ago

Do you. Slowly detach. The unknown is usually better than being dragged down.

Joshua - 36yo - level 6 -
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2 days ago

There are certain bedrocks of a relationship, mutial respect, trust and communication are most important of those. In your case you need to sit and talk to your partner. Sit and actually talk. In case he isn't willing to talk write out your end of the story and wait for a response. If there is still potential in continuation you will get a response. In case the bedrock has crumbled, moving on makes more sense. No one deserves to be in a place where darkness is your constant friend.

Sahil - 28yo - level 4 -
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2 days ago

Try to plan more things that involve interaction as a couple that way it won't seem like an interrogation but a way to become even closer

Bart - 39yo - level 15 -
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2 days ago

If he doesn’t put you first, then it’s not the right guy. yes, couples are suppose to fight but their also supposed to
think of each other instead of just themselves.

christina - 19yo - level 4 -
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2 days ago

Have you done couples therapy? I think until you’ve done that, you’ve owned your part, and then if he still hasn’t changed, doesn’t try then it’s fair to walk away.

Kaydee - 29yo - level 4 -
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3 days ago

Leave.

Paolo - 29yo - level 7 -
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3 days ago

Focus on yourself for a little while. Then sit down and have a talk with him about how you're feeling. Ask him exactly what he feels and I'm sure he'll tell you.

Stacy - 21yo - level 1 -
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3 days ago

Idk.. I sort of feel you..
I know that feeling when you see someone you truly love, start losing interest in you, you see it all crumbles in front of even if it didn't actually happen
And even if they try to be nice and hide it, you'll know it and you'll always have that stomach pain 24/7 and you'll feel like you a big rock drowning you whenever you remember them.. you'll hate yourself every second for not being the person they would like.. and you'll know that it's your fault so you'll hate yourself even more..
And since leaving is never a solution, and neither death is.. you have only to wait and suffer in silence so that doesn't accelerate the process of losing them, and once they "officially" leave, you go to live your miserable life without them.. and keep hating yourself till the last second of your life.. till you naturally die, without committing another crime against yourself

Guiscard - 19yo - level 1 -
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3 days ago

Hey, it sounds like you might be experiencing depression or anxiety or another mental health issue that needs addressing. That's OK. It sounds like you might not have the most supportive environment around you right now - and with a partner that threatens to dump you if you're feeling negative, that can't help at all. I would recommend leaving the "what about us" stuff alone for a while, so you can figure out what's happening inside you. You can't control what your partner does, but you can control how you look after yourself.

Di - 29yo - level 4 -
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3 days ago

Just adding - it sounds like you may need some space. Maybe try to get some space without necessarily making it an all-or-nothing event. Maybe you can go visit someone you trust for a few days, or maybe he can. And when you're both feeling less charged and emotional, you can have a proper discussion.

Di - 29yo - level 4 -
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3 days ago

You DO have a lot of “negative” there. You’re resentful, bitter, pessimistic, etc. But... admitting that to yourself if the first step to making things better.

Sure, he probably has his own flaws. Everyone does.

Figure out who YOU are... then figure out why you’re so unhappy with life in general.

Do you really need to stay in that toxic relationship?
How come you don’t feel you could find happiness elsewhere?

No matter what the solution ends up being, it’s going to start with you.

Michael - 43yo - level 29 -
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3 days ago

If it gets so bad that the idea of leaving is the only alternative then you have to do it.

Lex - level 16 -
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1 week ago

First thing, be truly honest with yourself about why you are unhappy. Don't start out with "He makes me feel..." No one can "make" you feel anything. You feel the way you do because you feel it. Those are your feelings, no one else's. He did not put those feelings inside you. Second, do you have children together? If not, then that makes your decisions a lot less complicated. However, if you have kids together, then you two are connected for life... no matter where you go or where he goes or what happens in this relationship. Finally, remember that every relationship is a two way street. Nobody runs the thing 100% alone. Some may put in more work than others, but in the end it takes two to fail just like it takes two to succeed. I am also strongly encouraging you to seek out some a therapist and just talk. Don't take him with you. it sounds like he won't be intrested in discussing the issues anyhow. It is very concerning that you say you would be more miserable out of the relationship when you are already so unhappy in it.

Jim - 48yo - level 25 -
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