17 - 851 - 1 month ago

My LD-bf and I are complete opposites when it comes to personality. He's emotional and sensitive, while I'm rational and don't open up so easily. We've had serious clashes because he thinks I don't demonstrate affection with words (the way he would like), so I have to make sure to keep calling him pet names so that he won't think there's something wrong between us. Couple days ago he complained about it again, while implying there was a problem (when there wasn't), so instead of starting an argument over the same old thing again, I simply decided to be lovey dovey all the time, being sweet to the point of almost vomiting. Turns out he's super happy now and apparently I'm finally who he's always wanted me to be. That concerns me because what I can conclude from this is that he doesn't like the way I am and I will never fulfill his emotional needs. My next visit is scheduled for July and I'm seriously concerned. Anybody else struggling with different personalities with a good advice?

Thais - 24yo - level 33

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1 month ago

Me and my bf are the same way. I had read the 5 Love Languages a long time ago and from what I remembered I knew we had very different love languages... he had never heard of love languages so he just felt like I didn't love him as much as he loves me and I wasn't meeting his needs. So I bought a new copy of the book and we both read it. It was really helpful... just knowing that people tend to expess love and want to be loved be in different ways has put his mind at ease that nothing is necessaryly wrong if I'm not acting all lovey lovey touchy feely. We are still working on things, but it's a lot easier because we aren't so stressed because he's worried I don't love him and I'm irritated that he can't understand how much I actually do love him!

Fish - in a relationship for 3 years - Living together - 3 - level 1 -
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1 month ago

You might look into the concept of love languages. Everyone has a certain way that they feel loved and a certain way they express love by default. It's easier of you are matched, but not impossible if you aren't. My wife and I have seen a lot of improvement in our relationship after a conscious effort to make sure we are showing love in a way the other can understand. You can imagine it as though you two spoke different languages. Eventually you would have to learn to speak a little BF, and he would learn to speak a little GF, it would be a challenge but if you really wanted to make it work you could.

You should also let him know the ways that you feel most loved so he can do the same for you. Relationships are a two way street after all. Sometimes relationships are work. If it isn't sustainable you should work with him to compromise and find something that works for everyone.

Don't worry about being different, you won't always love everything about each other, and the differences add spice! Good luck!

Chris - 34yo - level 17 -
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1 month ago

How funny... we had the same idea and posted at the same time!

Fish - in a relationship for 3 years - Living together - 3 - level 1 -
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1 month ago

Difference add spice!

Heng - level 8 -
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1 month ago

I definitely suggest you BOTH learn the different Love Languages to get a better idea and understanding of how you each give and receive love.

Arlyce - 47yo - level 9 -
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1 month ago

Love languages are Important and need to be understood to have a successful relationship

Aneshia - 46yo - level 12 -
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1 month ago

Def take the love language quiz. It leads to deeper understanding. If he can't accept, love, and cherish you as you are, then just be friends. You can't pretend for long, and it isn't fair to either of you.

Sara - level 19 -
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1 month ago

It's more likely to be your attachment style not your personality. He sounds like the anxious type and you sound like the avoidant type. Google it, you may find it very interesting.

Sherry - level 22 -
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1 month ago

The long distance aspect is a big part of the issue, I think. He may be basically jonesing for your attention by the time you guys finally are back together and person. If you two are going to stay together in the long term, the long distance part of your relationship needs to be short term. His sickeningly sweet affection may be irritating to you now, but he will probably mellow out when you guys are in the same town. Also, long distance and hyper-affection on his part may also signal some insecurities he has about the relationship. At the same time, ask yourself if you are being "rational" or not opening up to him because you have doubts of your own. Ultimately, don't try to be someone you are not and don't ask him to be someone he is not. No one can pretend to be someone they are not for a life time. The real person inside of each of you will eventually come out and one partner or the other gets resentful when that happens. And once resentfulness takes root, that's a real bitch and not easily overcome.

Jim - 48yo - level 26 -
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1 month ago

I am the same and found this v difficult. It has taken a long time but making little compromises by saying things that will make him happy every now and again really makes a difference & its a small thing for me to change. 🙂

Laura Maguire - 33yo - level 14 -
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1 month ago

Well maybe you should try to take those extra steps,it doesn't seem awful, that is if you don't want someone else giving him the attention that he seeks. If you are in to him. If you aren't in to him at all, keep going like you are or head out.

Larry - 41yo - level 32 -
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1 month ago

No struggling but I encourage trying and adjusting. It seems his love language is affection and words of affirmation. If you can get the book the 5 love languages it may help. I loved it.

Audrieanna - 27yo - level 2 -
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1 month ago

My boyfriend and I are like this, I'm definitely not the words kind of person and he just reminds himself that actions speak louder than words and my actions are clear.

Katherine - 36yo - level 16 -
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1 month ago

I think once couples are together for a stretch of time these types of differences arise. The irony of your situation is that it sounds like both of you have the exact same issue with the other. You will need to work on meeting in the middle and establishing cues in order to appreciate one another. It may seem formal buy in the long run you will both be happier if a long term relationship is your goal.

Duane - level 13 -
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1 month ago

It's really hard to do long distance and if his love language is words of affirmation, that's very crucial. It may not be what you are used to but if a relationship is worth it you'll make some compromise for the better

Ayanna - 27yo - level 15 -
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1 month ago

I just hope you’re feeling lucky each time he does choose to talk to you about these touchy subjects. My boyfriend and I have been dating for four years now, and been arguing for half that. I’m 28 and he’ll be 25 this year, and I’m beginning to see our ages being an issue. Which, by the way, something I never thought hindered a loving relationship. Just know that you shouldn’t have to change who you are either. I think if you continue to conform to the way that he’d like you to be, you may be psyching yourself out. It’ll become tasteless your relationship. I understand not separating though. So instead of changing into what he wants, talk it over with him and search for some wiggle room. Remember there will always be someone out there just waiting for you and your lover to end things, waiting to make you happy and excited to know everything about you; along with love it. I’ve been playing happy couple alone lately and I believe it’s now been 410 days since he’s answered anything in the app. I hope I helped a little, and take care of yourself, and each other.

💋prncess_mononoke

Milly - 28yo - level 8 -
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1 month ago

Love is sharing with each others and understanding each other.. Try to understand him and make him happy and viceversa happens... Be happy

Nivitha - 21yo - level 20 -
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1 month ago

Get the five love languages app because you both obviously have different Love Languages as well and then he needs to be aware of and pay attention to your needs as well

Bryan Pittenger - 42yo - level 27 -
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1 month ago

It sounds like y'all have different love laguages if you want to work on this relationship sit down with him and go through all the love languages. Make a list and put them in order from the most relevant to the least relevant to your feelings. If your concerns out weigh the comfortability in the relationship then you need to be transparent about how you're feeling to try and figure out if this is something that's going to work for you or not.

Sammie - 20yo - level 27 -
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