14 - 365 - 1 week ago

My fiancé and I have a great sex life or what I say to me is a great sex life, but at times I can sense that he gets a little upset if I don’t have sex with him. I work 50 hour weeks which is not at all an excuse but I can get away with maybe having sex twice a week, but it always seems as if he wants more. I understand a guy has needs, but I’m the primary bread winner. Am I wrong for not at least trying more or giving more?

Ambreka - 23yo - level 2

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6 days ago

Working 50 hours a week must be very tiring. You saying you "get away" with less sex does sound like there's something not working in your relationship though. I don't believe you should sleep with him if it feels like a chore, since it won't be the real thing to either of you. Maybe you can cut back on some work (since I imagine even without the sex issue it gets in the way of the relationship) or he could try and help you with some of what you have to do so you have more free time? Otherwise, it sounds like a serious problem at least to me, since him not being satisfied won't work as a long term solution. Maybe even consider counseling.

anner - 18yo - level 5 -
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1 week ago

I wouldn’t address it as being right or wrong. In relationships we need to be able to compromise as well as understand what we need from each other. I’m not sure how your day is scheduled but maybe you can try sex before your shift so you’re not too tired for him.
Yes a guy has needs but your body also has a need to rest after a 50 hour work week. Hopefully an arrangement can be made that suits you both.

Erica - 36yo - level 8 -
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14 hours ago

Yikes. Sounds like he doesn’t understand the meaning of consent. Sex is a two way street. If you don’t want to have sex at any time, for any reason, then he should respect that. Don’t let him rope you into something you’re not enjoying. He has a right hand and an imagination, and access to other energy-spending outlets.
I am concerned now, because he is your fiancé and already is not respecting your limits or boundaries. Please be careful ❤️

Mari - level 8 -
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14 hours ago

And you never owe anyone sex

Mari - level 8 -
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3 hours ago

We all know that work isn't an excuse when it comes to the couple life, but truth being said it does makes you more tired, my advice is instead of sec surprise him with a little something made by you or any fun idea to make him see although tired you're still engaged in the relationship.

Regina - 25yo - level 2 -
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6 hours ago

A relationship is about give and take. So sometimes whether u feel like it or not i feel that you should give in. If u want to keep him happy sometimes its worth it to take one for the team. Now there will b times where its just impossible to even want it. Those days are very understandable but other days he just may want to be close to you. So its worth the compromise. Just my opinion

Tasha johnson - 35yo - level 2 -
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6 hours ago

No I don’t think you are wrong . Your body and mind are physically and mentally tired . So it is difficult to just be in the mood when you do work so much . Perhaps you should ask your partner to tell you a bit in advance when he really feels In the mood for sex, so that you are prepared rather than just getting home and him assuming that you are in the mood for that . I don’t think there is much you can do about this apart from talking to each other before hand and perhaps planning a little bit so that you are prepared to satisfy him. You can also discuss with him when is best for you to have sex, when would you would not be so tired so that you are showing consideration towards his needs.

Anilda - 25yo - level 28 -
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6 hours ago

But ofcourse he does need to understand that you won’t be in the mood for it every time he is. So there needs to be a mutual understanding of each other’s needs.

Anilda - 25yo - level 28 -
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10 hours ago

No

Aaron - 21yo - level 1 -
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11 hours ago

You working like that is tiring he should understand that sometimes you to tired.

Shyla - level 5 -
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15 hours ago

Decrease the hours and increase the sex Time
I think it's the best solution

Masoud - level 1 -
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16 hours ago

Hi Ambreka, is it?

My wife and I have been married 35 years next month, and dated for 4 years through High School, and as someone who's worked 60+ hour weeks for most of our life together, I can sympathize with you "tiredness". However, I personally STILL have a higher sex-drive than my wife, and it has been a point of contention for much of our marriage, until I finally just accepted a sexless marriage. As others have pointed out, this is definitely something you guys need to talk about and decide together if this is going to work for you long term. Inevitably, one of you will be unhappy if you can't, and it may mean an end to your relationship down the road, unless one of you is willing to continue to sacrifice their own desires/needs.

I love my wife, and I accepted long ago that her needs came first, even if I wasn't happy, but not everyone is going to be able live like that for the long term. It may be a difficult conversation, but better to have it now than after having kids or being together for so many years.

Best wishes to you both.
Lynn

Lynn - 55yo - level 3 -
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12 hours ago

I completely agree....it may not seem that big of a deal right now but I guarantee as soon as the "I do" happens...things will change and it will become a major problem and stressor in your marriage. That is not how you want to start a marriage for sure. I would for sure have that talk with him

Angela - 39yo - level 2 -
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16 hours ago

You should be having sex with your fiancé because you want to. Sometimes working a lot can bring on fatigue and stress and sex is the last thing on your mind. If you haven’t already, discuss that with him. Maybe he can think of ways to help you relax a bit more from work that could change your mind or put you in the mood. But if your fiancé makes you feel like you’re obligated to have sex with him, that is a big red flag. You are not by any means expected to or required to have sex, and he needs to respect that if he already doesn’t.

Carolyn - 30yo - level 23 -
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17 hours ago

I think that partners should understand that people are different and have different needs. You think that “you have a great sex life” because it is perfectly enough for you. He maybe needs some more, but that is not a reason for you to make a compromise. I personally think that sex is meaningless if it doesn’t bring you happiness and pleasure. Avoiding conflict and making him happy doesn’t mean that you should be forced to do things you don’t want to. Doesn’t matter if you are tired, sleepy or just not in the mood, sex is about mutual good feeling, not some way to consume your relationship. If that really bothers him I can suggest to find some other things you can both do that will bring both of you happiness and good time together. (:

Ани - 19yo - level 18 -
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3 days ago

You’re wrong for including that you’re the primary bread winner in your question and if you were a man I’d tell you the same thing. The fact that you mentioned it says that you think that entitles u to some higher worth. So first thing, lose that attitude. If indeed you are too tired then be honest with him. Since you’re not married yet, you both will need to look a long way down the road and ask yourselves if sexual incompatibility is not that important to you both. If it is, then compromise is the only option. Just how you’ll find it is up to you both. There are sex toys for men as well. All over Amazon. If you’re open to using one on him, ie manipulate a vibrator remote, or using a flesh light, great. It may be less exhausting than intercourse. Bottom line is you need to find common ground before legally bound. Good luck.

Dave - level 1 -
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5 days ago

I agree to not look at it as wrong, but try to find a compromise. Are there things he can take off of your plate to free up time at home for intimacy? Are there times when you can adjust your schedule to have alone time? Do you need intimacy from him elsewhere to encourage physical intimacy?

Tara - 42yo - level 5 -
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