13 - 1061 - 5 months ago

Hello, I've been dating my gf for almost 2years now and it's been a long distance relationship for 6months. to break the distance we both plan she furthers her education in my region for 4years then we get married thereafter.
Suddenly she informed me bluntly she won't be schooling in my region,days after issues, she opens up she doesn't have the funds for that school.
I'm in my final year in college with a side hustle,she knows my account and she also knows about my plans for our future of which I'm working on.
I agreed to going to another school in her region (not really happy with it, more stress for another 4years) or working and schooling while I support her. but she kept sounding like I have failed to play a role by not agreeing to be a part of the weight of the school so we can be together.Saying I'm building a future without her.i love her,she loves me.i am & can handle other needs, be of support,but at this point not education. I feel pressured; please help. Thanks.

THOR - 23yo - level 12

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5 months ago

Long distance is hard. But one benefit is it gives you time to work on yourselves apart before living together. Maybe you’ve each gotta do what you’ve gotta do before you move together? My partner and I are facing this now and we’ve decided that if a different uni is better for me then we’ll do another 2 years long distance.

I know this isn’t the right choice for everyone, but you shouldn’t feel like you’re sacrificing everything for your relationship. Can you make it work while you’re apart? Can you find a compromise where you both sacrifice a little bit? Unfortunately, especially when you’re young, studying and starting your career, I think you have to each be able to put yourself first a bit. Wait until marriage and kids to make real big sacrifices - then you won’t have the freedom of choice.

Hope this helped in some way, sending love and support to you guys!

Alanna - level 37 -
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5 months ago

During my 25yrs in this world I have learned that sacrifice in a relationship is key from both sides! I dont know the background of your whole relationship, but that seems like an unbalanced amount of sacrifice on her end! She seems to want you to make all the sacrifices! Remember you get one shot at school, yall will have a lifetime together if she is the one! I personally am finally coming home to my girl after being in Iraq for a good amount of time making money in the private industry, and we have both made sacrifices for eachother

Mitchell - 25yo - level 27 -
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5 months ago

Hi Thor. I just sent the same thing to Daisy. Think of it this way...you aren't dating back in the 80s. Today's technology offers ways to help you get over those rough patches in a relationship. Take advantage of it...it's cheaper...hahaha! It's obvious you two want to work it out. "Daisy" posted something a week ago. She loves you enough to download this app and make it to level 12 - which isn't easy to do. Lol...I felt like I was level 9 forever! Also, if you haven't already...find a middle ground to meet during long weekends. Map it out and meet at a distance equally marked to both of your locations. You'll find joy in the smaller things. Appreciate what you have and attempt to work it out. Don't use this situation as an excuse. If you want out, talk to her. Close the chapter. Good luck to you and Daisy!

TESHA - 43yo - level 25 -
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5 months ago

Hello!
Finances plus distance make this situation tricky. We have a rule in my relationship: Education comes first. My partner is finishing up he's schooling now and is considering moving to the town where I have a decent job. It's big of you to consider providing for the both of you, and anyone should appreciate that effort. But you should not have to pay for her schooling. That is up to her, or maybe her family.
As for her comments, there is a big concept to consider. A relationship is made of two individuals. Y'all are building something together, sure, but each of you is still an individual. Keep your goals clear, and encourage her to do the same. And then talk about them.
My biggest concern is that from your comments I hear that communication isn't happening to the extent/level that y'all need. Opening up feelings around this whole situation, as well as negotiating and coming to a compromise is crucial when making these big decisions. The goal is to feel like you're deciding together. Else some rifts can start to grow, especially if they're not addressed later.

Alejandro - 26yo - level 38 -
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5 months ago

It seems like she's searching for a provider instead of an equal partner. If you don't want to be her sugardaddy that's your choice. It's your money. Seems like she's projecting a lot of her own failure and failed goals onto you to be honest, which is never a good sign.

Don't set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.

Markus - 28yo - level 18 -
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5 months ago

I think you should finish your education first and then go to her. I understand long distance is very hard but you guys can still visit each other and if this isn’t an option. Well, I know that if it’s meant to be you guys will beat the distance. She needs to be a little more understanding. I’ve been in long distance relationships before, it’s all about trust and communication. But you have to work on yourself, finish your plan, and give her and you the life you both deserve.

Shania - 18yo - level 9 -
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5 months ago

I have been in long distance relationships and it is really hard. All I can say to this situation is do what makes you happy, because I missed out on a bunch of things that I really wish I would have done because someone thought I wasn’t doing enough for them. I have had to learn the hard way that I can’t make anyone else happy if I’m not happy myself. That’s so true you can because you’re always in a bad mood, and it’s one of those things that you will always blame her for losing your dream. Trust I still blame my ex for everything, even though it was a poor decision on my end. I say if going to school is your dream and is going to give you your dream profession then do it. She should be able to understand that you’re trying to do what makes you happy. You’re in your final year trust me you will regret if you don’t get your degree I almost gave up on everything to but don’t keep pushing a hold out that year and then go support her. Show her nothing but love and support and just explain to her that you love her and that you have to do this so you can better provide for her in the future. If she can’t understand that and still wants you to dropping everything for her then it’s not healthy.

Ambreka - 23yo - level 2 -
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5 months ago

Well my boyfriend an I just celebrated our 5th anniversary together... In a long distance relationship. We are your age, and living appart from the beginning. Distance is a great opportunity to grow for each of you, but sometimes it sucks. You have to make tough choices and sacrifices that will or won't be worth the effort in a relatively long time. My boyfriend and I faced the same problem and decided to finish our careers and then move to the same city after, one that is not his or mine, that demands more or less the same effort to get to for both of us. He works and I don't, so i can understand your girlfriend s concerns, but I don't think it is fair to make you those claims. She's scared and overwhelmed, try to understand her. Sit down and talk honestly, plan together some way that you both can equally carry the weight of being apart and wanting to be closer. You'll work it out, you'll see. We are surviving after 5 years, it sucks but it's not impossible!

Euge - 23yo - level 21 -
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5 months ago

What she said about you is unfair,at a girl side I would say either she is too upset about the situation or she has resentment to you,because when we really love someone,we don't say things like that ("you building a future without me"that hurts!)

Find a way for both of you sacrifice equally ,if you stay where you are carry on your study then you should be the one fly to her country for meeting maybe 3 month a time keep your long distance relationship works,
or if she is the one make change goes to your region study,support her a place to stay save money from accommodation at least.

Make a list about those affects and talk about details.

feajuar - 31yo - level 3 -
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5 months ago

I would say finish out your year and do what you can to visit each other. You alls education is important and and if neither of you really want to transfer schools than don't. Get your degrees and come together when it's over. You will have a lifetime to make sacrifices for each other but starting off with a burden of debt puts a lot of unnecessary weight on it. So in the interest of being responsible and not recentful just make time for each other as much as possible but finish your schooling where you are...

Debbie - 37yo - level 8 -
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5 months ago

We have had similar circumstances and have spent about 3 out of 10 years living in separate states and then on different continents. We both ended up taking out low interest loans to make it through and stick together and have been able to pay them off. It's really difficult, especially at first. But we made it work by visiting each other and video chatting. Now that we've been together for so long, we're able to navigate being apart for long periods of time. Both parties have to collaborate and make some compromises for it to work. Our relationship made it through and we love each other more than ever.

Amanda - 30yo - level 37 -
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5 months ago

Compromise is a two way street. I'd seriously consider some couples therapy so you can have someone impartial.

Annie - 41yo - level 12 -
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5 months ago

Patience

Borys feldman - 25yo - level 26 -
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