19 - 1085 - 3 months ago

During intimacy my partner says that I should be doing all the work. To give you more details my partner believes that if they have to touch themselves to heighten their arousal during sexual intimacy, that feels like masturbation to them and they can do that by themselves. Often saying “if I did that myself, why would I need you.” Pleasing my partner during sex is the ultimate goal for me, but this mindset that my partner has gets a little aggravating and tiresome at times. Women have the ability to have multiple orgasms(a beautiful symphony) through many different variation of feelings and muscle(clitoris) pleasure. I can do a better job of stimulating my partner mentally(& physically) I don’t think I’m wrong for expecting a little more from my partner durning the physical aspects of sexual intimacy(especially for her orgasms💃🏻).

Anthony - 35yo - level 15

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3 months ago

She's wrong. For one, seeing her masturbate helps improve your technique. At least for me, it's a turn-on to watch my girl pleasure herself. Great sex is a joint effort, and the effort required to make it great should be shared jointly. ALL of the work should NEVER be the responsibility of one person.

William - 37yo - level 24 -
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3 months ago


Jade - level 3 -
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3 months ago

My husband and I are still super hot for each other after 20 years, and each of us utilize our personal masturbation techniques during sex, as a teaching tool for one another and for heightened pleasure. As a result, we end up feeling closer to each other, because we know that opening up like that can sometimes feel awkward and entrusting one another with such honesty with such a vulnerable thing as this is the absolute core definition of intimacy.

Nancy - 44yo - level 7 -
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3 months ago

Think she's being brash and rude. She may not value you.

Chelsea - 28yo - level 11 -
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3 months ago

You refer to her as your partner. I’ll take that to mean you’re not married yet. Good. Move on. She sounds kind of mean. All I can tell you is that the first time you have sex with a significant other that you’re sexually compatible with, you’ll wonder why it took you so long to find eachother.

Dave - level 1 -
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3 months ago

Your partner is very selfish. Sex is more e Joyable when both cooperate.

GermanCuppyCake - 43yo - level 27 -
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3 months ago

It seems like she may be struggling with some insecurities in that department. Maybe having a conversation addressing why that is an issue for her; as well as why that may be exciting for you. Sometimes, a simple, but insightful conversation can open your eyes to try different things and connect you on a deeper level of intimacy.

Erica - 36yo - level 11 -
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3 months ago

Men can have multiple orgasms, as well and there are many women who cant achieve an orgasm, let alone multiple. I too dont feel a big need for me to stimulate myself as much during physical intimacy mostly because I like to stimulate my partner while they do so to me. Continuous interaction is the best part. No one person should be responsible for everything or should lay there instead of putting in the work. Vive witnessed those that see zero reason to put in the effort ....its pointless to have sex with that person then . Same aspect....they say if they had to do anything why bother having sex... o say if I have to do everything ..why bother having sex.

Samantha - 28yo - level 23 -
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3 months ago

I have to say I agree with the woman more on this one. I also believe that a woman can please her man in many different ways and more than one time. It is easier for a woman to feel comfortable and not like she's doing it all if her man is touching her skin, her body, kissing her, breathing on her neck, talking dirty to her, or moaning in her ear. It takes 2 and one person can't just do it all. If the man is turning on the woman then they both will feel more intatmate doing these things together and they both should get turned on or pleased in a faster manner and they won't feel so uncomfortable or Luke it's just one or the other doing it all. Please each other and tell one another how good it feels or where it is that is incredible cause that will really make it increase the affects of doing things together.

Rachel - 34yo - level 22 -
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3 months ago

I appreciate your view but I cannot disagree more. It’s one thing if she has to do all the work then he gets his fun - I would agree with the woman in that sense. But a carte Blanche I do nothing for my own pleasure - you must do it bc then I’m masturbating - I would feel is a very poor attitude and total turn off. It’s unneeded pressure. Generally most woman can’t orgasm from penetration alone - but using her own hand or toy on her clitoris I quite the ride my wife tells me.

If the touching is added to the man touching her body as well - awesome. But if he’s relying on her to get herself worked up - she’s right.

Allen - 33yo - level 39 -
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3 months ago

I actually agree more with Rachel here. For my wife and I, I actually prefer her not having to touch herself during sex. It feels like that it just masturbation to me as well. Not that I’m against her doing it, if fact, that was the MOST helpful thing for me in learning what she likes and doesn’t like. I like knowing how to do what she does, so she doesn’t have to do it. But... if I’m missing it... I’d absolutely prefer her to do it, and show me how, so I can do it as well.

I guess instead of seeing it as a competition, just see it like you’re watching a live youtube how-to video. 😊

Michael - 43yo - level 31 -
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3 months ago

I think you just need to sit down and have an open discussion with her about the issue because not every person is the same. My boyfriend and I are very attracted to each other and it doesn't require very much from him to get me aroused but I can't say I've had the same results with a different partner. She could feel uncomfortable in certain aspects and it's really important to understand what that is and why so that you both can experience pleasure with each other. You should ask her what it is that she likes and how she likes it done and she should do the same for you too.

Princess - 21yo - level 40 -
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3 months ago

Maybe you two should talk about and even things out; you could learn how to please her the way she wants to (with her instructions) and she can be more open to entering the sex with her moves (and open mind)

Luiza - 25yo - level 43 -
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3 months ago

Personally, I find it so accepting and such a turn on that my s.o. wants to watch me and I love to watch him. If you feel the same, could you say to her, "you have no idea how much it turns me on to watch you touch yourself", an added "it will also show me better how I can please you in future..." To me helping my partner get aroused or him getting me aroused is NOT work, and very few women can have an orgasm without some kind of clitoral or other touch. I would be hurt if my s.o. told me he felt that our intimate time felt like, "work". I wish that the desire to please was coming from both of you. Everyone is different, so maybe I'm off with feeling this way.

Annie - 40yo - level 10 -
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3 months ago

I believe it all depends on who and what turns you on. Me for one, I dont mind if my partner watches me but I feel as if he has to do that then I must dont be doing my job right.

CG - 33yo - level 5 -
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3 months ago

The more stimulation, the more the orgasm. Teamwork is essential in all aspects of a relationship.

Carrie - 30yo - level 3 -
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3 months ago

Tell her to rub it. Tell her it turns you on even more.

Thomas - 45yo - level 16 -
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3 months ago

You gotta do YOU! (NOT MEANING INTIMACY WITH YOUR HAND).... She needs to get in the game... Foreplay is a team effort! Good luck!

Nicole Onesti - 38yo - level 12 -
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3 months ago

Personally, I love making my wife orgasm repeatedly, and I can be satisfied with a session with her, even if I don't orgasm myself. I think a woman's body deserves all the attention she wants, and I'm often asked to stop because she is to exhausted to keep orgasming. I would say give her a few seasons where she has orgasmed so much that she can't take anymore, and see if this improves your situation, and try to find pleasure in her pleasure. I can also recommend a toy called the Lelo Sona or Sona Cruise. They are a little pricey, but orgasm can set in, in under a minute, and will do it without making the clit overly sensitive.

Lynn - 55yo - level 4 -
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3 months ago

Getting her to climax every time we are intimate is my goal. Weather its sex masturbation or toys Il do what ever it takes. K do know her special spots and what she likes.

Chris - 33yo - level 4 -
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3 months ago

I believe there are times when you or the other person wants to just be pleased and have the other do most of the "work" (I don't think its work if you're having fun). BUT, if you're not on the same page sexually, it can become an issue. Sounds like her being more involved adds a higher sensual aspect for you, which makes sense, and that's important and shouldn't be ignored. If she just wants to lay there, it doesn't sound fair. Sex takes two and it's a deep connecting act.

Lindsie - 28yo - level 16 -
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3 months ago

Make her orgasm first. Spend the time getting her aroused in the beginning and you shouldn't have a problem.

Pete - 44yo - level 39 -
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