14 - 561 - 5 months ago

I'm in a long distance relationship with my bf, we have been dating for close to 2years, now the plan is that I will be going to his area to school, which will be more expensive compared to other places. The problem is that I don't have sufficient finances to fund my school fees and the rest if I'm to come to his area. I have discussed this with him but each discussion doesn't ends well. He has finances which he planned to secured the future for us. But I'm so certain that we both can't survive another 4 years distance before marriage. I love him and I'm sure he loves me too but I'm scared that he doesn't care about the survival of the relationship, all he cares about is being wealthy and if the relationship crash before then he will choose someone else to enjoy the wealth with him...please what can I do about this?

Daisy - 21yo - level 12

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5 months ago

If you can't afford to go to school near him and pay your own way, then you should consider staying or going to a school that you can afford. He, unfortunately, is under no financial obligation to help you just so you can be near him unless he's already offered to do that. If he hasn't offered it, but knows you're unable to pay, then that is your answer- he doesn't think it's his responsibility to financially pay for you, and it's tough advice, but that's because he isn't responsible for you... You are. If this means staying long distance, then so be it. If the long distance ultimately leads to the demise of your relationship, but he knew he could've done something to stop it, then he's made his choice and you just need to worry about you and do what is best for you, regardless of what he does. It's not best for you to go into a bunch of debt simply to be near him. He'll see you as a stronger, more admirable person for taking charge of your own life and doing what is best for you and your finances than if you just become a financial burden to him by moving wherever he is.

Cari - 36yo - level 2 -
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5 months ago

finally a relevant answer who is in check with reality

Markus - 28yo - level 18 -
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5 months ago

Well said. I agree with Cari’s excellent.advice. Please don’t move there. I’m quite certain that you’ll regret it because he doesn’t value your relationship the way that you do.

Jenny - 51yo - level 2 -
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5 months ago

If he doesn't want to help you be close to him it's not meant to be me and my girl are also in a long distance relationship and engaged and there's nothing more that we want than to be with eachother everyday so if he won't help you financially to be with him drop him he's not the right one

John - 32yo - level 14 -
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5 months ago

I’m so sorry I accidentally reported you instead of clicking reply and I can’t undo it! I just wanted to say, I am also struggling with finance to live near my partner but I would never want to be dependent on him for money either. I’ll let him pay for luxuries like going out but not living cost. I’m not sure how Daisy feels but I’ll be doing it with my own money or not at all, so that might be a consideration for some people.

Alanna - level 37 -
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5 months ago

That’s a difficult situation. If he’s really a man he’s going to want to provide for you and find some kind of plan to make the finances work. If he isn’t willing to use that wealth so that you aren’t up to your neck with stress then that doesn’t seem fair. You’re the one making the bigger sacrifice! As someone who is also in a long distance relationship doing school, it’s just a unique situation where you both knew it would be difficult and demand sacrifices on both sides.

I would take some time to calm down and breathe first. You can’t make any kind of decision while stressed and worried about this. Then, make sure you aren’t saying things out of stress since you mentioned you think he might enjoy his wealth with someone else if your relationship crashes. That scenario could just be in your head (happens to all of us) because you’re scared and unsure of the future. But if he hasn’t shown any sign of being that type of guy, then let that thought go. If he really is making you insecure like that, then I wouldn’t dare make the move over there to him. Long distance is one of the ultimate tests of how much a couple cares for each other. I think for the most part we always know what we should do, we just don’t want to accept what that answer may be. If you ask me, good things come to those who wait. You both need to be willing to make sacrifices AND wait. Wait for the best time to make a decision like this. You want to be sure, not worried and stressed about it. That already serves as an answer.

Hope it all works out for you.

Natalie - 24yo - level 33 -
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5 months ago

Better to know BEFORE getting married what each of your priorities and desires are, because finding out afterwards is only going to lead to more pain that could have been avoided. Money is the number one problem most couples face and argue about. Sex, family, and children will follow closely thereafter. You should have the conversations face to face BEFORE you make a life changing move and commitment. Best of luck.

Lynn

Lynn - 55yo - level 4 -
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5 months ago

Daisy, every relationship is different and every person is unique. I cannot use my relationship to compare but I can give you advice based on what I have lived through. My bf and I have been dating for about 4 years and 2 of those years have been long distance due to me having to go out of the state for school. Long distance is not easy but it is a great opportunity to let you learn about yourself and your significant other in this situation. I believe if you're able to make it through Th eres much more you can do and this will only be proof of how strong your relationship is. I am sure the reason that you want to continue your education and finish school is because you want a profession to help your bf build ypur future together. Focus on finishing school and becoming a woman who can be independent and have your life together. If you can do this then you will know you're ready to contribute to your future together. You too are so young and have much more to learn about yourselves and each other, take this as an opportunity to do that. Build your communication skills with each other and talk about everything. Don't be afraid to ask questions and don't be afraid to answe them because only if you answer honestly you will know where you stand. Work hard for your relationship if you really want a future together and you will see that the sacrifice you're making today will give you a great reward in the future because nothing worth waiting for comes easy.

Best wishes to you and your bf and I hope everything works out for the best.

Valeria - 25yo - level 46 -
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5 months ago

Hi Daisy. Think of it this way...you aren't dating back in the 80s. Today's technology offers ways to help you get over those rough patches in a relationship. Take advantage of it...it's cheaper...hahaha! It's obvious you two want to work it out. "Thor" posted something 5 days ago. He loves you enough to download this app and make it to level 12 - which isn't easy to do. Lol...I felt like I was level 9 forever! Also, if you haven't already...find a middle ground to meet during long weekends. Map it out and meet at a distance equally marked to both of your locations. You'll find joy in the smaller things. Appreciate what you have and attempt to work it out. Don't use this situation as an excuse. If you want out, talk to him. Close the chapter. Good luck to you and Thor!

TESHA - 43yo - level 25 -
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5 months ago

If I were you I would talk about it with him. If you’re determine to live near him take a year off and just work. Save up some money and then go there.

You could even go to a cheaper college that’s still close by. However if that isn’t what you want long distance isn’t the end of the world. You have successfully done it for two years. If he can’t understand your struggle with money and complains you didn’t move there that’s on him. But sometimes you have to focus on yourself!

Alexis - 20yo - level 2 -
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5 months ago

I guessy question is why do you not have finances to do both. I am not saying you should stick your neck out for him but with a job most people can pay for college. It may take a while and possibly even more than 4 years but my recommendation would be to be responsible for yourself. Even if your boyfriend is amazing and helps something could always happen to him. God forbid but what if you came to where he was and he was in a car accident. Now you have no one supporting you. My point is that he cares for you I am sure but really if at all possible as an adult you need to be supporting yourself and no one knows what the future is like. Also, if this is your dream you will make it work. I have seen many people go through college as single mothers of four with two jobs. I have no clue how they did it. However, they did manage someway.

Kevin - 30yo - level 4 -
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5 months ago

Meet in the middle somewhere dont go to him go where you want especially if you cannot afford it

Rosalie - 34yo - level 7 -
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5 months ago

First of all, if u dont have enough finances.. You should drop the plan of going there.. It's priority and you need to know..
And about survival, you need to communicate, maybe your conversations don't end well, but you need to speak your heart out, otherwise the second person can't know what's is in his mind.. Maybe u would discover facts not vice versa..
Also, if possible, try to meet him once or twice to sort out things.. If not, discuss that when u would like to talk about the matter, and whole heartedly devote your conversation on developing your trust and bond.. You need to do so.. Because insecurity and fear of losing the partner is very important to remove from a healthy relationship..

Nandini - 20yo - level 14 -
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5 months ago

Also, whatever you do please avoid loans and credit cards at all costs!!! Unless it’s a small amount that you KNOW you can pay back, don’t dare!

Natalie - 24yo - level 33 -
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5 months ago

If you love each other then you will be together! But if that requires to keep everything else aside than it's not healthy. I understand that you want to have him closer, but in this case I agree with your boyfriend. Do you think he's going to find someone else just because you're far away from him? Well those are trust issues. You can have them even when you're with him. If he loves you, he won't let your relationship tear apart, if he doesn't or isn't committed to invest in your relationship, then whatever you do, go to school near him or not, won't make any impact. Good luck!

Skaiste - 17yo - level 23 -
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5 months ago

Sounds like a stressful situation, and triggers a lot of insecurity. First of all, he is not obliged to share his money with you. Second of all, What about loans or lines of credit? If he doesn’t want to dip into his savings would he agree to take out a loan with you to help finance studies? Or can you take one yourself?
The problem with joining finances right now is after only 2 years together, you may both be uncertain about committing to each other making it hard to make such a sacrifice. If I were you I would try to understand it from his perspective... what makes him anxious/unsure about sharing his savings with you? Maybe he’s not ready for such a big leap?

Nicole - 42yo - level 16 -
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5 months ago

If he cant finance u in current situation how else do u expct dt he would spend on u in future obviously he is being mean and securing it for himslf

Sanobar - level 9 -
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