4 months ago
It seems you’ve tried to speak with him about it somewhat. I assume you’ve been together around 2 years or so as you’re now engaged. This is typical in many relationships.
Allen - 33yo - level 39 -
The first thing is to really identify what it is you feel needs aren’t being met and come up with examples on how to meet those needs.
The next thing is to speak with him at the appropriate time - not right after a romp, work, just before bed. Also approach the convo without accusing him and ensure to use “I feel” statements. Example: “I feel unimportant when I am not greeted at the door with a kiss for days on end” or “I feel taken for granted for having to do most of the household chores without much help”. Then follow that up with what you need “I would feel better if I was greeted at the door 4 days a week with a kiss and a hug” or “I would be greatly appreciative if we could split the chores and alternate”. Then you could even add an “incentive” after that. Example, “if I was greeted at the door it may lead to more intimacy wink wink” or “if I had more help it could lead to us spending more quality free time together”.
When you approach the issue this way, it may lead him to open up and even say something he’s been needing that you’re not meeting.
Also, without knowing the specifics, what you may consider a lack of effort (say you feel he’s giving 10%) might just be his 200% under the circumstances. It could even be a simple lack of patience. These turn arounds rarely snap back in a day. It could take weeks or months.
Best of luck and hope in helps!