13 - 813 - 6 months ago

My wife has asked me so change so many things in regards to us having a better life, and yes she was right. I got off certain meds, change my night schedule to days, spend more time with family - but when we are at the peak of all these changes for the better and I felt life was perfect - she left me. I really need help understanding how i can tell her what we really have is something special. She’s my soulmate and she agrees, but has somewhere gone off the grid. I’m struggling hard.

Seth - 36yo - level 26

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6 months ago

Sorry to hear about that Seth. It's hard to understand your situation without knowing more about the context, but if you made changes for the betterment of the relationship and she still left, there were likely things going on in her life or mind that she wasn't sharing. A man could wonder for ages what those things are, but if you've told her how you feel already your best bet is probably to focus on yourself and your hobbies while you allow her space. It's sad to say but even a woman in love can be further deterred by constant attempts to bring her back. When she's ready to hear you out she will let it be known, but until then I encourage you to find your own peace through family, friends, fitness, nature, and definitely meditation to quiet your mind (your circumstances could make anyone anxious). Best wishes to you!

Sean - 27yo - level 13 -
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6 months ago

One of the best advice. Find your peace, value and love yourself for now.

Orlan - 29yo - level 10 -
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6 months ago

If you have done the things she has asked you to do (that we’re truly causing disregard to your relationship) and she still left you, she may have just been looking for a reason to leave. I would seek counseling as a couple if she is willing to put for the effort. If not, seek counseling on your own. She will see you are trying!

Angela - 37yo - level 1 -
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6 months ago

You've done everything you could. I fear she may have left because she may have had her eye elsewhere. It's like the bird in the cage - let it go and if it comes back it's yours, but if it leaves and never comes back, it never belonged to you. Commitment is forever through thick and thin. I hope she comes back to you.

Duane - level 20 -
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6 months ago

I'm very sorry. :( I truely believe you have done much to become a better husband to your wife. I like to watch Christian testimonies on youtube how coples were reconciled, even after divorce or extramarital affairs. It is possible and good. I can not promise that your wife will come back to you, but I can promise that the Lord can help you in your despair and turn things upside down. In my own life God has used some pain and struggling to make me seek Him. Now the Lord is the ultimate source of sense and happiness in my life. He has healed me and provided for my needs (not to mention - with my wife) and I know I can trust Him and rely on Him. In a way marriage is created to reflect relationship between believers and the Lord Jesus Christ (cf Ephesians ch. 5), therefore you can certainly pray for your wife and reconcilliation. But first we need to be reconcilied with our Maker.

Jurģis - 33yo - level 11 -
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6 months ago

Does she have any medical or mental issues? Could be a freak out because everything *is* good and she's used to trauma and struggle. Gl.

Diane - 34yo - level 10 -
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6 months ago

I'd fight like hell for her...find her...remind her what she has...I'd never give up on the guy o am woth and we have had some serious issues...both of us still working on making changes...but I wouldn't give up on her

Savannah - 30yo - level 9 -
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6 months ago

Sorry you’re having to go through this. I agree with Sean in saying that it’s hard to understand without knowing all the details surrounding your current situation. Just looking at it from a different perspective (not saying that this is just cause for the separation) but some women require that her husband be the head of the household. Meaning that you may need to step up a bit and take control of your life and this situation.

Erica - 36yo - level 11 -
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6 months ago

I'm sorry you went through this Seth. It sounds like she was seeking a reason to leave and thought if you didn't change things she could use that against you to leave. Anyone that needs you to change so your relationship can get better, isn't someone you need to have in your life. Someone will come along and wont ask you to change because you will be perfect as is for them.

Riley - 24yo - level 9 -
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6 months ago

It is hard, but the most important person in your life is you. Imo you could ask for her to meet and discuss the reasoning behind the breakup, but that is what you should keep to. You can state that you are open to try again, but not force it. No point. If she is the one off thr grid, it is her reasons.

Teesi - 29yo - level 27 -
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6 months ago

Really is hard for anybody to say not knowing either of you but if you changed everything she has asked of you and and thus done your part kept your word then youve more than went the extra mile. Yes may be its a case of her finding reasons to end it for a selfish conscience of her own and when you changed them all amd she wasnt expecting you to succeed she bailed cus she can't face that it was her who jad issues she wasnt willing to chamge or even admit to..or maybe its careful what u wish for and be afraid when you get it..if any of the changes you made make you a better person regardless of the relationship then hang on to a lesson come the hard way .. sometimes somebody shouldn't need to change things just because one person it's not like them or her or overtime become annoyed by then hope he's being yourself but when you give and don't receive and find somebody else to give it to you I'm sure they would deserve much more and somebody who left you at your best it was with you through your worst

derrick - 32yo - level 19 -
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6 months ago

The only thing you can do is demonstrate what a powerful and attractive useful and worthy person you are. Don't show yourself to be weak a thingy go live your life as if you were Superman and if she finds that to be attractive and comes back to you in good for you but if she doesn't that you're set to find your Lois Lane after all have to live for yourself and be happy for yourself don't forget that

Russell - 52yo - level 12 -
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6 months ago

I feel like there was a connection between the two of you but when she was pressing hard for you to change you put a little stress upon her what made her give up . So now I feel like you may need to call her up for a face to face conversation, give her time though because sometimes us women walk away cause we want you to pretty much see what you losing. So you need to think about what you need to say from the heart and just give ur mind a ease she will be back just you need to show her that her decision are very important that you willing to be everything she wants you to be cause she may see something in you that you don't see your self.

Latasha - 30yo - level 2 -
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6 months ago

Sorry to hear what you are going through. It sounds like she was looking for a way out before she asked you to change. Also, sometimes people ask others to change and then don't like the changes either. Hopefully you guys can go to counseling. If she refuses then you've done what you can and need to let go and begin to heal and move forward.

Amy - 49yo - level 6 -
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