29 - 646 - 4 months ago

I dont know how to trust my partner? How can I stop overthinking everything?

Breyanna - 23yo - level 1

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2 months ago

I believe in giving all your trust in any relationship until they do something to lose it.

Celeste - 41yo - level 11 -
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2 months ago

That's something you'll learn after practice. Choose to perpetually trust in little things and allow your partner to win your trust there. Plus you may want to ask a deeper question if this mistrust is based on residue of betrayal from another relationship?

Duane - level 17 -
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2 months ago

If the feeling of mistrust is based on your partner's past actions, and you want to try, then go to couple's counseling.

If the feelings of mistrust are based on your past, and you want the relationship to work, then go to a counselor, try to identify why you cannot trust a partner, journal, identify triggers, and then discuss why it is hard for you to trust people, let them know how you are working on yourself, and discuss possible ways that they could help.

Applefritter - 38yo - level 9 -
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2 months ago

I agree. You need to determine the source of mistrust.

Chris - 43yo - level 12 -
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2 months ago

Because of my PTSD and mountain of past trauma it's very hard to trust, but my fiance is a very reliable person. Base your thoughts about them on their actions and not your irrational feelings.

Emil - 20yo - level 7 -
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2 months ago

If you can't trust them, there is no relationship. If this happens with every relationship, you need counseling to figure out why. Otherwise it will ruin every relationship you ever have.

melissa - 32yo - level 6 -
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2 months ago

It's work, like everything there isn't a magic fix for your problem. You need to put an effort in to be reasonable. Try not to dig into your unreasonable fears too much and certainly don't interrogate your partner especially over small things if you don't have real evidence. That said don't go out of your way trying to connect random dots either you'll push him away if he feels like he's tip toeing around to keep you from spiralling.

Ryan - 26yo - level 20 -
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2 months ago

Separate yourself from your partner, as in learn to love and value yourself in your own right, know that your worth isn't based on how your partner treats you or if it ever happened that you broke up. But learn to lean on them too, learn to love and enjoy your time with them despite also being truly YOU. I'm also going through a tough time with rebuilding trust within my relationship, it's been difficult. I'm thinking of getting therapy to help make it easier. If your distrust is getting in the way of having a happy and fulfilling love life, and if you've got access to therapy or counselling, it may also be an option for you. I also find mindfulness meditation has helped me think about things in a clearer way, less stressed, paranoid etc! Just try to work with whatever you've got, but always know that trusting someone doesn't open you up to harm IF you always love yourself and know your worth. Like others here have said, if anything happened, infidelity or similar, breaking the trust, it is THEIR loss and THEIR failure, not yours.

Kiera - 21yo - level 13 -
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2 months ago

Make a mark in your mind to start trusting him. Give him a fresh slate dont hold on to anything that's happen to that date. Then let the information that leads you not to trust him come to you. DONT look for it. Hopefully this settles it.
But if not ..... what happens in the dark will eventually come to light so if that's happens then BE DONE if he goes past your boundaries of trust breaking....
Hope this helps

Molli Hill - 34yo - level 1 -
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2 months ago

I was the exact same with my new partner, been together almost a year, ive been treated poorly by others in the past, my current partner has given me no reason to not trust him but like you my overthinking was awful! Slightest small thing and i would be all over the place. All i can say is give it time and talk to him, i talk to my partner about all my doubts and fears and he doesnt get mad, he just reassures me! And it really does help, i hope you can find the solution and you have an understanding partner.

Laura - level 10 -
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2 months ago

It's a shame you're pushing someone away that doesn't deserve it. It sounds like your partner deserves better. If after a year you still find yourself thinking the worst, than maybe it's time you not focus on a relationship and instead focus on yourself. It's not fair to you or your partner. You have a really a good chance at pushing them away. No matter how much you talk, and you think they understand, the moment someone else shows them anything better, your toast.

Liz - 32yo - level 9 -
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2 months ago

It gets really really old. You need to get some help, I don't care how understanding they are they will finally get tired and leave, trust me. GET HELP, if you care about your relationship. It gets real old trying to prove you're not doing anything wrong. Fuck. It gets old

Mark - 51yo - level 34 -
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2 months ago

Ok it gets old, i get it but until the real reason comes out all we can all do is give our assumption of her problem, I my self have a VERY VERY VERY bad lack of trust in my hubby of 25+yrs, i should right a topic on this?

Evie - 48yo - level 1 -
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3 months ago

I trust my partner I just have a problem of overthinking and assuming everything is bad. I say it’s for the way I was raised and all the negativity I saw as a child and everything but honestly i talked to my partner and explained everything how I felt. From overthinking assuming and being extra. It was hard and it will hurt but I told my girlfriend to just talk to me and Tell me when I’m doing it cause it seems like I don’t notice it. But for her to be honest on things that bother her cause if she don’t ima asume the worse. For the past 3 months we have done this and we have gotten a lot better no more random arguing and fighting over small stuff. Hope it helps Bre

Aaron - 26yo - level 25 -
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2 months ago

Unless there's been a solid reason for mistrust, you've got to start with yourself. I suggest getting into therapy to work through your self-confidence and insecurities with someone who is objective and knows what healthy looks like.

Jodi - level 28 -
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2 months ago

Best option (in my opinion) is to set them down and talk about what you're feeling hold nothing back if you slap it all on the table they can help wipe away the negative emotions and this will also help you bond and learn so much more about Each other and if it turns out your feelings have backing then you can cut it off before the relationship turns toxic but that's all my opinion take it or leave it your choice

Remington - 20yo - level 6 -
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2 months ago

Sometimes with past experiences it's hard. With each new person they deserve a chance. Go with the flow put your all in until they give you a reason not to.

Linda - 36yo - level 7 -
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2 months ago

Let Go of your fears of being deceived or hurt by your partner also let them know how your feeling the might the understanding and give you some reassurance

Oozy - 29yo - Dating - level 6 -
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2 months ago

Learn to properly communicate how you feel to him. And ask yourself is this mistrust something you are just feeling on your end due to insecurity or something from past trauma or do your feelings of mistrust have some backing to what's currently going on in your relationship with him? You are aloud to feel things from time to time. We all have worries and we all have doubts every now and then but we shouldn't always impulsively say every insecurities that come to mind. Think before you speak and think why you feel that way to begin with.

Shoshanna - 26yo - level 4 -
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2 months ago

I used to have similar problems. My girlfriend (nowadays my wife) has always been very loyal and trustworthy, but still I used to overthink and get insecure/jealous at her for nothing. And I used to get caught up in those feelings and start getting deeper and deeper into overthinking about the smallest things to the point where I started to feel physically ill because of how bad I felt. It took some time for me to realize that my own behavior was the problem, and that I was feeding the negative and doubtful thoughts and feelings by letting them take control.

These were the things that helped me:
- Realizing that I was at fault and needed to change, not her
- Realizing that I should not let the negative emotions take control of my thoughts and actions, as they would turn me into a person I did not want to be
- Trying to stay aware of my thoughts and noticing when they started drifting the wrong way
- Steering my mind away from the thoughts of insecurity/jealousy by for example: praying God for help and reading the Bible

Of course, all relationships and all people are different, and your case might be different to mine, but I still thought I'd share what helped me as it may help you too.

Lassi - 24yo - level 47 -
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2 months ago

Just look at all the good weigh it out if he’s in it all the way with you then you have no reason to not trust if you feel like you just can’t then it’s not going to work because trust is a number one in a relationship

Isiah - 29yo - level 11 -
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2 months ago

Just believe in the good side of people. Be a little naive 😉

Cato - 19yo - level 12 -
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2 months ago

You need more time to understand each other or change the way you think toward your partner.

Tenderfoot - level 2 -
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2 months ago

Catch your thoughts. When you start down a negitive trail realize whatxis behind your negitive thinking and have a different outlook.

Due to many horrible things that has happened to me in my past this was a huge struggle and it did ruin relationships. I did a therapy called the 3 principles. It saved my life and my relationship. You should check it out!

Pamela - 30yo - level 30 -
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2 months ago

I can not even touch this with a ten foot pole. For I was the one that was wrong and spend every day beating myself up inside. As I go through the days trying be the one I should have been. Little steps is all I can try and do to better myself everyday. To do otherwise is to try to justify what you did. And there is no justification for it. Just take it day-by-day trying your best to be the one that they love and hope to build trust again. But if you know they're worth it and they believe in you no road is too long to travel with a partner in life. every road is going to have its ups and downs. But remember you don't deserve to have the ups if you deal with the downs. As above so below as within so without. Life the frequency of push and pool ebb and flow up and down. Leave it to the universe and trust in yourself. And true unconditional love is priceless. To give it is to receive it.

Peter - 41yo - level 3 -
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2 months ago

Talk about accountability. Ask whats making you feel like that...

Tash - level 6 -
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2 months ago

Have a candid conversation with your partner - communication is key in any relationship! Good luck 🍀

Meri - 50yo - level 15 -
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2 months ago

Being honest about your feelings (even the difficult ones) can create emotional intimacy. If your partner responds well and wants to listen, that is a tell tale sign of someone you can trust.

Sarah Burley - 26yo - level 22 -
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2 months ago

Hmmm... Focus on learning to let go and trust the strength of your bond and mutual understanding. Just be sure to have already made it known about what works for you. Watch your partner go like a kid on a bike without training wheels for the first time. Scary but exciting achievement! A brave step in the right direction!

Kenny - 37yo - level 7 -
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2 months ago

Don't care touch

Devin - 29yo - level 16 -
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2 months ago

Humans are generally an optimistic species. We tend to give those around us the benefit of the doubt. We tend to trust others and we expect to be trusted by others without ever actually earning it. Depending on your values and if you are the type to trust someone until they prove otherwise, than it's just that. You didn't specify if you and your partner are married or dating. If you're dating than take this as a sign their not the right one for you. Dating isn't to get married, it isn't a life sentence to someone. It's to get to know each other, and its the time to discover if you're good match.
If your partner has done something to cause you to not trust them and you still chose to stay with them than you'reun the wrong, and are most likely pushing them further away. When we decide to forgive a person and move forward, than its our
responsibility to that person to keep our word and move on. Now who can't be trusted? If you can't move forward and you're making yourself miserable, you're most likely making your partner miserable which will only cause more problems. Either move on or move forward.

Liz - 32yo - level 9 -
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2 months ago

Try to focus on working on your self esteem and confidence. Make sure that it would be his loose to cheat on you. Be valuable and important for yourself first. Try to think this way. I am great person with him and I would be without.

Zuzanna - 19yo - level 8 -
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2 months ago

If there's a real reason why you cant trust him, you shouldn't be with him because trust is #1 in a stable relationship

Ghislaine - 21yo - level 6 -
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