My husband lies to me about where he's been and where he plans on going. I have proof from emails that he has sent out to other people. I have confronted him with these emails and he still denies these trips. How do I get him to own up to his secrets?

You don't. You get as far away from this person as you can.

Daniel - 34yo - level 18 -

16

Enjoy yourself. Act like nothing is wrong. Do what you want to do. Privately and I mean very privately, go seek legal advice from a reputable Fam lawyer. Don’t tell your big mouth girlfriends. Your lawyer will tell you what to covertly collect. That means take pics or make copies. Spouse can’t know or suspect.

Have everything in place to include parenting plan and harassment/restraining order if you suspect him going sideways. Have a place ready to move you and child into. Family is ideal, as they will put up with you if it drags out. Do it when he’s on one of his trips. Take pics of everything in the house of value that you can’t take with you.

Lawyer will handle serving him. A lier will always be a lier. And a cheater. Good luck starting your new life and get your picker fixed before the next show.

Dave - level 1 -

13

I say dont get him to own up...just leave and get far away. No person who loves you would lie to you like that.

Molly - 24yo - level 11 -

11

Run

Lisa - 38yo - level 27 -

7

Trying to get a man to own up to his lies and secrets will drive you insane. Just leave! Before you lose yourself behind a coward who can't tell the truth.

Tabitha - 29yo - level 11 -

7

Lying doesn't change. Get out now!

Kathy - 56yo - level 47 -

6

He may never own up to it. But if you’re sure he’s lying to you... there are bigger problems than his denial. My advice would be to either get counseling or seriously consider leaving.

Michael - 43yo - level 31 -

5

If he hasn’t by now then he simply won’t. Getting confirmation out his mouth means nothing when you’ve already seen the proof. Learn to deal with his cheating ways or find someone better

Taliah - 24yo - level 6 -

4

Sounds like my wife ...the only way I got her to admit anything was to be there when she was meeting her fu** buddy and even then she lied about the extent of the affair and I knew she was so I just kept busting her until him and I almost fought outside her work only then did she come clean! It turns out my wife has BPD so she lacks impulse control and empthey so if your husband never takes responsibility for his actions or seems like he didn’t do anything wrong you may want to start reading about BPD and Narcissistic personality disorder just to make sure he is not one of them. Best of luck

Chris - 39yo - level 7 -

3

Maybe he doesn't know what's like to lose you, he thinks that you have too much to lose to actually do something? If he cares about you, then he should care about how you feel, and you are clearly frustrated and torn by this broken trust. You can make it clear to him about how you feel and ask for rectification, but if he still doesn't care then maybe you should consider moving on.

Woody - level 1 -

3

I am sure there are some people are capable of changing certain behaviors, but not many are willing to do it. Unfortunately I have been in your shoes and my husband of 14 years, still will not own up to anything he has done wrong. Even when I have undeniable evidence that he is wrong, he will never accept he is caught.

Laura - 44yo - level 20 -

2

There aren't too many scenarios I know of that warrant that type of behaviour. Could be cheating, could be a secret spy (unlikely lol), could just not want to tell you because he thinks you'll be upset that's he's doing "x" instead of being with you... I need more context. Regardless, lying about it is super uncool and majorly breaks trust. Pushing back and saying it's not true when confronted with proof teeters dangerously on the edge of gaslighting. Look up that word - if you feel like that's what's happening, I agree with above suggestions, that seeking professional help is the best thing to do.
If he admits to it eventually and it's due to a reason you can live with, I'd recommend installing an app like FindMyFriends until trust is rebuilt. He'll have to be an open book for you to feel secure again. Wish you luck

Kathryn - 30yo - level 28 -

2

Truth is if he doesn't want to be honest he isn't going to be. If you have proof and he still denies it just shows he thinks he can get away with it. No person deserves to be in a untrusting relationship if it can't be worked out or changed then it's best to leave

Alisha - 37yo - level 14 -

2

If you confronted with proof and he still denies then he probably won't ever own up to it. Same position as you I told her I know the truth but you'll never admit to a lie. In the end all trust will be lost

Chad - 37yo - level 14 -

2

You know his reality... Getting him to own up to it is not your job, it's his. If he's having such a hard time being honest, it sounds like a great opportunity to go find some professional help in the form of a counselor, and have both of you go, and have him go by himself. He needs help if he can't be honest. If he refuses to go with you or alone, then you can go without him, and start soul searching on whether or not you're willing to live your life with someone that can't be honest with you when when confronted with proof.

Cari - 36yo - level 2 -

1

Leave him he’s cheating. My ex wife did the same thing to me

Mitch - 44yo - level 19 -

1

In the same boat! So to speak, he will never admit anything. It took me yrs to have him admit his screwing around 20yrs ago and the only reason that was told to me is because o finally started to read my CREDIT CARD statements!!! Hint hint!!!

Evie - 48yo - level 1 -

1

It is a fact that during the Average day, the normal human hears 225 or so lies. I see a lot of get out now comments from the pink team. Maybe, rather than address the liar, you address the reason they lie. I have personally been know to lie about my location, company, money, etc on the count of drug use. That doesn’t make me a cheater, it makes me dishonest, but at 225 a die everyone lies!!!! Weigh the positives of the relationship Against the negative, then choose to go or stay. You can’t just scream get out on the premise of a human flaw, that is perfectly normal. Don’t trust anyone 100% not even yourself!

Reggie - 37yo - level 6 -

0

Forget that. Excuse me for being so blunt but a lot of this advice is terrible. It's only going to prolong the inevitable. You already know exactly what to do. A relationship with no trust is like trying to boil an empty pot... a waste of time and will never progress. Move on, get your own separate life, meet someone who deserves you and respects you enough to have an adult relationship with you, possibly have kids and get married again and enjoy the life that you made for yourself by taking the initiative to finally be free and happy. And everyday when you look in the mirror, remind yourself that you are totally worthy of every possible ounce of respect from your partner. A successful partnership was never built on distrust.
Good luck.

Mary - 36yo - level 13 -

0

You deserve better!

Jennifer - 43yo - level 1 -

0

You can't. If you KNOW he's lying to you, peace will not come from hearing him admit it...but rather than change your reaction to it.

Michael - 38yo - level 11 -

0

Act like nothing happened since he keeps denying. There’s no point asking and being lied to again and again. Leave him.. he has a conscience! One day he’d realize. It’s hard try to find what makes u happy exclusively.

Harriet - 25yo - level 7 -

0

He isnt going to take responsibility for his negative behavior as long as he feels like he isnt doing anything wrong, or if he feels like he is "getting away with it...." As long as you are, in a sense, "condoning" what he doing then he can have his cake and eat it too.... Sit him down and have a respectable discussion and stand your ground. Let him know that you are not ignorant and would appreciate not to be treated like a child. Also inform him of the information that you know is validated and accurate. If he still tries to deny the information that is right in front of him then maybe it is time to genuinely reevaluate your relationship. Hope the advise helps.

Lauren - 30yo - level 1 -

0

If he has shown you a pattern and refuses to change, there's nothing more you can do except show him the door. Keep all evidence secure, and consult a lawyer if you feel you can't continue how things are going.

Brian - 47yo - level 42 -

0

Leave!

Erin - 40yo - level 2 -

0

You lay it out there in front of him and then who cares if he admits it. ITS RIGHT THERE

Mo - 35yo - level 1 -

0

You can't ever make anyone do anything. He will have to want to own up to the truth. This sounds like my previous relationship where he lied and manipulated so much it drove me CRAZY. I knew I was right but he'd always lie his way around it.

In my experience it's best to go your separate ways from that person. They will never be honest and they will only keep lying.

Heather - 26yo - level 14 -

0

Ask if he can dienies everything infront of the people involved and get there response first so you will know the truth first

Desiree - 44yo - level 15 -

0

Catch him in the act

Dejun - 28yo - level 13 -

0

Let him know he's safe and you'll hear him out maybe try to let him be his own person but tell him you love him and you worry about him?

Brighton - 18yo - level 23 -

0

You don’t. Move on.

Dallin - 22yo - level 3 -

0

You won't if he doesnt want to accept it, he will just make a bunch of excuses. See a therapist but if he wont go for help and wont participate at helping improve this important issue. Its time to see that you are worth more than that.

Yesenia - 35yo - level 36 -

0

You don’t

Crystal - 31yo - level 3 -

0

Doesn't sound like you can. He's a stubborn liar who's defending part of his life from you.

Steve - 62yo - level 19 -

0

Divorce him

Meghann - 25yo - level 44 -

0

It sounds childish but when our children do bad things we punish them, not cuz we’re mean but cuz we have to teach them what is ok and what is not. Lying is never ok! Lay down the boundaries and if he refuses to follow them “punish” him. Stop doing something for him, stop cooking or cleaning for him ect. Only u know what u do for him and what he really likes.

Tabetha - 41yo - level 19 -

0

You can't make him so anything. All you can do is tell him how you. Tell him what it does to your trust.

Jennifer - 30yo - level 7 -

0

He will never own up, you either except it or not. I say start going put and enjoying yourself

GermanCuppyCake - 43yo - level 27 -

0

Don't give a shit. He is doing for more attention. Its childlike behavior

Megan - 25yo - level 13 -

0

You cant make anyone own up to anything...Either he will or he wont...The only thing you have control over is whether or not you will continue to stick around...Maybe if you just leave it might cause him to address it but as long as you stay, you're technically accepting the current circumstance through acquiescence

Nova - 35yo - level 6 -

0

You need to get out of the relationship.

John - 47yo - level 10 -

0

By making him comfort on why did he had to hide and open up in first place

prashant - 28yo - level 4 -

0

Focus on addressing the root cause - the lies or owning up to them aren't the issue, the real issue is why. Fix the why.

Michael - 55yo - level 22 -

0

Be straight up tell him if he dnt own his shit...then its okay 2 act that way. So u will start acting like him..sence its okay behavior..why hide it just be real and make him realise that sence its okay their isnt any thing wrong with it..2 wrongs may not make a right but he needs 2 feel how it feels

Jeana - 35yo - level 13 -

0

I think this is not a good relationship anymore

Abigail garcia - 38yo - level 42 -

0

It's impossible to "make him". His actions don't sound like something a loving person would do.

Elias - 21yo - level 12 -

0

One thing that you should definitely consider is just leaving him.
First step into him fixing himself is for him to realise he did something wrong. If he cant admit it then he might never change.
If you want to try harder to keep him, try maybe pointing out that youre imperfect too, maybe find a flaw within that is equally as bad?

Josip - 20yo - level 4 -

0

How long has it been going on? If he's cheating, he won't admit i it willingly if he hasn't yet. You'll drive yourself bananas trying to get him to fess up. You're going to have to decide if it's time to walk away or keep being hurt by him. It's to the point where you've gone through his private belongings, and you've possibly found proof of infidelity, so things seem to be critical. Have you tried counseling?

Tonya - 46yo - level 8 -

0

Just separate.

Luiza - 25yo - level 43 -

0

If you’re not happy with it and you know he is consistently lying then you do not have a relationship of trust. Time to move on.

Barb - 54yo - level 12 -

0

Realistically speaking, his blatant denial sounds deal-breaking. Imagine if roles were reversed - you were doing something covertly and he approached you with evidence and you still denied it. That’s not what respectful partners do to each other.

Following Dave’s advice seems most practical. It will help you with a game plan for what to do, whether it’s reconciliation, marriage counseling, personal counseling, or no longer continuing the relationship. Keep your mental and emotional health first.

Since having that conversation with his emails, he has had every waking moment to approach you for the truth. How many times have you had the conversation? I would press into it more, until you really feel his pushback and know he is not willing to work.

What led you to look in his emails in the first place? Were you always looking? Did a feeling bring you there? Have you been lied to in the past in a similar way? Think about your headspace in this as well. If you have a friend who is unbiased and will not share this with others, I’d find someone who knows your situation and relationship dynamic well to help you answers some of these questions.

I wish you the best

Amber - 29yo - level 1 -

0

U never will. More proof the more u'll b "a pyhco" best u can snag ne satisfaction is accurately getting info thru others W/O prying sweet as can b n his presence & MAYBE calm discussion in private later ..but doubt it. Obviously disrespectful at best.. Either way hurtful

Roxanne - 36yo - level 18 -

0

If we can rule out the possibility of cheating, see if you are suffocating him in anyway that he needs to breathe by going on secret trips without having you on his back.

Venica - 25yo - level 9 -

0

Be upfront and insist he gives an adequate explanation as his behaviour is making you feel insecure and trust is vital in a marriage. Talk not shout no matter how much you feel sad and angry. Let him explain. Good luck

Tamasin - 41yo - level 17 -

0

Wow, tough one. I would say threaten him with divorce but that is not a good option. Seek counseling for yourself first and ask for a professional's advice as to how to proceed. It will be money well spent.

Duane - level 13 -

0

Honestly if your feeling this way and have proof and he keeps denying it pick up and move on as hard as it can be sometimes it sounds unhealthy

Isiah - 29yo - level 11 -

0

You can't make him to own his sh*t. You just have to trust your own judgement and don't question your intelligence. If it looks like a duck, there's a chance it's not a duck, but an even better chance that it is.

Tiffany - 35yo - level 4 -

0

Hes a liar... u need to make a decision

Tiffani - 40yo - level 32 -

0

Sex

Reginald - 22yo - level 7 -

0