28 - 866 - 4 weeks ago

I'm married and have been for 10+ years and he is not satisfied me sexually for the past year and it's been a lot less than it ever has been,then when we do it's always the same thing as last time and he doesn't last long ,min to five if I get ten mins that's it. I've tried to tell him write it down for him and told him how I felt and counseling is so expensive and or work schedules are opposite shifts? So I have been trying to get my self done and I'm exhausted from all of it,plus he never gives me attention anymore and I'm seeing someone who can help me out with this issue, I love my husband and I told him about it and he said that he can understand my needs and wants me to be happy and come home to him every night and then as long as it doesn't interfere with our marriage and family we can meet up for a drink and play then I go back home. What do you all think about it??

Tiffany - 37yo - level 31

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4 weeks ago

For some couples it works - for the vast majority it does not. From the limited question it’s hard to gauge as nothing is said as to his point of view. Why didn’t he? Are there medical issues that prevent him? What - if anything - has been tried to resolve this on his end? Are there outside stressors like money/foreclosure/work, etc...? No offense, but there may even be something you’re doing that he doesn’t realize is pushing him away. There’s just too little detail to say anything. I do also read a forum called talk about marriage. It has a plethora of people in similar situations that may help. The fact of it is, going out to play is interfering with the marriage and a fundamental part of it. I would try and get out of him why isn’t he meeting your needs and what needs are not being met for him before doing a rash thing like this.

Allen - 33yo - level 39 -
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4 weeks ago

Being young and unmarried probably won't help me much, but I'm skeptical about this kind of "help". It may seems like a game for now, a harmless game to satisfy your natural needs, but whatever you choose to do with this person, I doubt that it will just be a game. It may verll well start that way, but you can never tell what this kind of decision could lead to once you set a precedent. It might make you happy, and in term makes your partner happy, but as you get deeper into the game, you might not be able to tell what is real and what is not, and by the time you knew it, it would be too late, and what's done is done. However, if you are seriously unhappy with your marriage, then maybe such inclination is ultimately inevitable. If that's what you want, then you will do whatever you believe will make you happy. But if your intention is just to let some steam out, to save your marriage, then I fear it will turn into something you can't control. As someone who is married for a long time and likely have kids already, that could be a very risky game.

Heng - level 8 -
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3 weeks ago

Having a friend with benefits can be a great boost to a marriage, and I am completely For them, but... I think you should make sure that you aren’t doing that for the wrong reasons. If there are problems in the marriage, it’s better to sort that out first before including others into the bedroom. Otherwise it may just make things worse.

Michael - 43yo - level 28 -
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3 weeks ago

I'd say bye if I were him... I've been with my wife for 12 years and we went thru a similar stage but we explored other sex options... I let her use toys and focused on her with my tongue foreplay can help heighten things... as the man if I'm standing at the beginning of penetration I've noticed i last alot longer.. try more foreplay get him to 69 with you or tell him to tell you all about his biggest fantasy... play along with the idea if he would like a 3sum act as if your completely down and tell him what u would do.. maybe he would allow another man to join the two of you... I also enjoy the thought of watching my wife get pounded... maybe you could find porn you like and tell him as you watch it that u want that done to you... or have him find a video he likes and you try acting it out... try finding things to bring the interest back between you too and dont look else where... it would make him feel like a failure that would make things even worse

Eric - 29yo - level 36 -
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3 weeks ago

Take a tantric sex class

Lindsay - 31yo - level 20 -
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3 weeks ago

+1

Alexy - 27yo - level 9 -
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3 weeks ago

What is that?

Evie - 48yo - level 1 -
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4 weeks ago

Nothing lasts.

Chad - 47yo - level 41 -
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3 weeks ago

Cmon, this is a comment without value from someone who can't make something last

Alexy - 27yo - level 9 -
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1 week ago

You endorsing cuckoldry? The writer described a failing relationship. Get back to me in 20 years and we see what you think of my comment then.

Chad - 47yo - level 41 -
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4 weeks ago

I don't think it's a good idea.. I just feel marriage is sacred and you made vows. Also your husband is only doing it to make you happy, but do you even know how he really feels.. I don't think he's really happy about it and probably feels insecure and worthless that he cannot please you sexually and that's probably affecting his performance and why he is pulling away from you... If I was in your shoes, I would try everything I could and encourage him as well instead of making him feel bad about himself and only after I exhausted every situation, I would sit and contemplate if I should continue the marriage or go and be single and find someone who satisfies me, which is also not always guaranteed.

Stacey-lee - 27yo - level 30 -
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4 weeks ago

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having more than one sexual partner, married or not. However, it’s not something you should tread lightly with—introducing a new partner in the mix when you and your husband aren’t at 100% opens up a risk of you comparing the two people, which may lead you to resent your husband.

Brianna - 28yo - level 26 -
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4 weeks ago

BITCH WHAT YES DF IT IS CHU MEAN AINT NUN WRONG WIT HAVING TO PARTNERS U WERID ASS BITCH FYM

Insean - 15yo - level 1 -
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3 weeks ago

Insean stop being retarded you're clearly too young to understand how sex can evolve in a couple so don't judge Brianna, this is clearly out of your grasp to understand

Alexy - 27yo - level 9 -
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4 weeks ago

Ok the problem here sounds like communication you've told us this problem but have you GENTLY addressed this issue with him ...suggest solutions .. games.. dressup .. toys.. there are natural supplements people take and before u suggest solution find out the problem maybe hes getting old and tired and just needs some vitamins and some encouraging to go to the gym hell do it together if itll help .. if u both still love each other communicate itll get fixed but u know your man best so remember you know how to best talk to him with sensitive topics so go about it nicely and realise his manhood may feel threatened also if hes just getting older and tired so try understanding and compromise itll take time but when two people love each other they can figure it out I'm living proof and so are many others

Rene - 31yo - level 27 -
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4 weeks ago

Also to top off on the ideas of the girl above me investing in a vibrator and some other toys may be helpful to start using

Rene - 31yo - level 27 -
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3 weeks ago

Honestly you are married and maybe it's something you aren't doing to please him enough to please you. See opening another door for a man shouldn't be an option. The respect for your self is not even there sad part he loves you enough to accept what you have going on but only thing I see is someone damaging a marriage even more. Why even be married if your interested in other people you need to sit down with each other and figure out what can you two do to better the sex life some men need some fire in the sex life try adding extra romance to your partner like toys, maybe dress up, maybe a massage with some candles same way you got each other before marriage same way you all needs to continue don't add fire to unless he doing something to cost the fire. Same way another man can please u another woman can please him you may need to try seeing what's wrong with him mentally.. maybe something he needs to talk to u about.

Latasha - 30yo - level 2 -
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3 weeks ago

Honestly you are married and maybe it's something you aren't doing to please him enough to please you. See opening another door for a man shouldn't be an option. The respect for your self is not even there sad part he loves you enough to accept what you have going on but only thing I see is someone damaging a marriage even more. Why even be married if your interested in other people you need to sit down with each other and figure out what can you two do to better the sex life some men need some fire in the sex life try adding extra romance to your partner like toys, maybe dress up, maybe a massage with some candles same way you got each other before marriage same way you all needs to continue don't add fire to unless he doing something to cost the fire. Same way another man can please u another woman can please him you may need to try seeing what's wrong with him mentally.. maybe something he needs to talk to u about.

Latasha - 30yo - level 2 -
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3 weeks ago

Maybe there is something way deeper on his end that he feels he can’t tell you, maybe he thinks you may get hurt or cause a major blowout. Maybe for some reason he is afraid you would think the wrong thing or such. You are worried about you getting yours, but how is he truly feeling and is there something deeper that needs discussed. I don’t think finding another to go play with is worth Jeopardizing my marriage. He doesn’t talk you say, maybe there is a reason he says go ahead just come home.
You guys need to talk more even if you don’t want to. Therapy isn’t cheap, but if you need it then get it.

Heather - 36yo - level 32 -
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3 weeks ago

Absolutely wronge, for one you probobly destroyed any self worth he had as a man by telling him he didnt satisfy you, two your only lieing to yourself so you can have your cake and eat it to, there are creams and other options to increase how long he can go before he finishes also there are toys ect if your talking purely physical, if it's not only physical and your not being satisfied emotionally then u have to work for it by being open and honest with each other. I've been with my wife 15 years and I'm in love with her still and she pleases me in every way and I feel like I do he aswell but even if it was painfully to be with her sexually I cant imagine telling her I was going somewhere else to be pleased. Everyone and every relationship is different I know but in my opinion your giving up on 10 years and hes saying that he understands just come home afterward shows that he actually loves you and isn't ok with it but is willing to put up with it because of how much he loves you. If you go through with it I hope he wise up and finds someone who will return the love and respect he is willing to give! It blows me away that this is a question someone after 10 plus years of marriage would even ask. Sounds like you have a good man and that your not to concerned about hurting him for so selfish, get some desensitize cream a vibrator and a small bottle of liquor and lock ur self's in ur room and work it out.

Curtis - 31yo - level 32 -
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3 weeks ago

Seems to me that there are core problems. There is more to feeling fulfilled than just the physical act of sex.

Just saying “make sure you come home to me” is the lazy way out as he doesn’t want to discuss the problems or fix the problems. Might be worth a read for both of you as it helped my relationship a lot.

“Great Husband, Great Marriage” Robert Alter

Justin - 35yo - level 6 -
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3 weeks ago

Try more fore play so that way you finish before him and or have him eat you out or have him stimulate you just gotta work with each other

Philllip Greene - 30yo - level 15 -
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3 weeks ago

I don't like it for myself, you do you

Oliver - 26yo - level 9 -
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3 weeks ago

What will you think when he does the same? Deff a no go for me.

Crystal - 36yo - level 3 -
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3 weeks ago

Get rid of the loser. It's important to be happy. You might love him but if you aren't satisfied, it's time for you to be.

Tim - 40yo - level 10 -
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3 weeks ago

That's never going to work,I can honestly say that because I tried in the past and it failed. It created bigger issues. If you haven't yet try new stuff with the hubby like toys, places get creative but he also has to be willing. I hope things work out, ten years is a long time to just give up on marriage.

Walter - 41yo - level 7 -
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3 weeks ago

First check out https://oneextraordinarymarriage.com

Henno - 44yo - level 2 -
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3 weeks ago

It looks like you guys don't do priliminaries, actions you could take is stepping up the sexual game to break the routine and make it interesting for both of you, I won't do counseling but see a sexologist we call it in France

Alexy - 27yo - level 9 -
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3 weeks ago

Polyamory/nonmonogamy is a beautiful thing if there is good communication with all parties.

Stephanie - level 3 -
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3 weeks ago

She asked in order to fix a problem not avoiding it

Alexy - 27yo - level 9 -
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3 weeks ago

How close are you to Louisville Ky?

Brian - 39yo - level 31 -
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3 weeks ago

Well if he is ok with it and that's what you want then be happy. I couldn't do that but if it's what you both want do it.

Ava - 41yo - level 7 -
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4 weeks ago

Ive gone through the same thing. My husband and i have only been married for 6 yrs but we sat down and talked about the stress in our lives and how to reduce it. As we talked and made some small changes i noticed our sex life has gotten better. Sometimes stress can be a cause as in our case. Just have patience and look ahead.

Rachel - 28yo - level 2 -
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4 weeks ago

It works for some people, however it can be tricky without good, constant communication. The bigger issue seems to be that he doesn't seem to be willing to find a way to fulfill your needs, I think that speaks to more fundamental issues to uncover and deal with as a couple.

Jeff - 50yo - level 5 -
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4 weeks ago

I would suggest really trying to figure out a way to do couple’s therapy. I think it will be more effective for your primary relationship to try finding solutions within that than to look elsewhere, though I understand your frustration.

Eva - 32yo - level 11 -
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4 weeks ago

Sounds like a sinking ship to me. But hey, who am I to judge

Akmal - 22yo - level 39 -
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