35 - 947 - 2 months ago

So myself and my fiance are 9 months into our relationship. We love each other dearly speak about each other to everyone regardless of topic and speak about kid regularly. But I'm completely confused as to why I cant maintain a erection during sex. I have no issues if I'm alone 😉💦 but if its sex it stays up for a bit but slowly goes away. I wouldn't say I've lost attraction to my fiance I find her sexy and beautiful as i always have but i fear our sex has become a routine. If that's the case how do i go about telling her? She hates dirty talk involving calling her a slut which is okay but I love it. What should I do?

Craig - 24yo - level 1

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1 month ago

My fiance has the same issue sometimes. We are closer and happier and now attracted tob each other than ever. What we have found, is it may be health related, the physical exertion you put into sex may be draining the blood from your penis to your body, or, it could be a drop in testosterone which happens to allot lot of men at all ages. My fiance and I keep things interesting, and mix it up. Sometimes it can get worse if you're already worried it's going to happen. Mentally you psyche yourself out. One thing, very important, make sure she KNOWS IT'S NOT HER. that's a big thing. And if she is understanding and supportive, that's super helpful

Jill - 34yo - level 14 -
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1 month ago

You could try to stop jerking off. Your body gets used to and knows better than anyone else what you like. so your grasp, the motion , the speed all get you to where you want to be... but that's not how your girlfriend is . she's not that same grip , she's not that same Feeling that you have gotten your body used to responding to. Don't touch it for a while except to wash it. she'll become more attractive and you'll be able to keep it up for longer when your body is more in tune with hers again.

♡Princess♡ - 33yo - level 9 -
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2 months ago

Well, your head is the biggest blockage for your erection. Change the way how you do it yourself. Do not watch porn! Use your own imagination. Don’t sit, stand in way like you would have sex, in a active way. Use water or lubricant. And then take your time. Feel yourself. Sex is an emotional way to communicate, no technic.
And about Dirty Talk: That’s a way to degrade, often used in porn. Do you really want that? Maybe some woman like to play a devote role from time to time, but most women don’t like dirty talk.

Urs - 46yo - level 26 -
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3 weeks ago

Thank you

Melody - 59yo - level 7 -
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1 month ago

Not sure why the first word of your title is "slut"...seems incredibly disparaging.

1. Stop all porn. If you have been using it for months/years/decades, it's going to take time (minimum 3 months) to get your body and brain back to normal.

2. As others have said, stop jerking off. Tips to do this- workout every day if you don't already do that. If you do, change up your exercise, try something really challenging. Stay busy, don't just sit around if you have nothing to do.

John - 25yo - level 24 -
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1 month ago

It happens to all of us, I assume. I go to a local adult store for a pill made by Rhino (10k, or blackfire zen). Take an aspirin for a headache, take a boner pill for a limp d.

Burley - 39yo - level 3 -
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1 month ago

Physical basics: Drinks more water. A minimum 2 liters a day. Eat fruits and vegetables. Exercise regularly. A combination of weights and cardio. Stop smoking if you do.

Mental side: I don't recommend you stop masturbating, but if you do, then you need to communicate to her via text, call, in person, or whatever that you're thinking and having sex with her. Ever if she doesn't respond to you with dirty talk. You send her all the dirty talk you want to. I'd she's she doesn't like it, then y'all need to talk to each other about how you're not going to stop the dirty talk and what she needs to start feeling comfortable with it. The more you do it, the more she'll adjust and get used to it. Also, work on your approach. Calling her a "slut" with no charm behind it can be taking the wrong way.

Interaction: Be spontaneous and different. You stuck in a routine with her because you haven't done anything different for you two. Do something random, different, and even exhilarating. If she's gotten used to you after 9 months and yall are only engaged, then you need to switch it up.

For her: Do things that make her desire for you go through the roof. Touch her throughout the day. Graze her neck, back, thighs, etc. Give her a random neck massage. Do this throughout the day and week so when the time comes for uppity two to have sex, she'll be more ready than you are.

All and all, drink lots of water, exercise, don't stop being you, but be better away being you, stop being boring, be spontaneous, and turn her on more so than yourself, and reap the benefits.

Gerard - level 30 -
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1 month ago

Get out of your head and isolate your scenses , oh and stop jerking off lol as much anyway s

Cindy - 29yo - level 23 -
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1 month ago

Best thing is talk to your doctor, as there are a few medical reasons for this... If that's not it then yeah solo can cause issues.

LemonSkyy - 45yo - level 3 -
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3 weeks ago

We girls can be sluts. BUT... sluts is a hard word to handle. Yes we are and can be your slut the brain just had a hard time excepting it because we grew up knowing it as a bad word. Yes it puts you in a bad spot best thing just don't call her a slut. She already knows that she is and wants to be with out that word.

Melody - 59yo - level 7 -
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4 weeks ago

Dude there are millions of ways to warm your girl up to something. First off your not communicating because if she loves you and it's a healthy relationship shell understand and work with u not against u that's the beautiful thing about being a team I have each other back now since talking isnt your first route find things she likes and see if u can turn them sexual .. introduce new ideas .. games clothes.. theres supplements natural ones!!.. theres so many ways to try other then dirty talk it sounds like u both need to broaden your horizons and maybe find something new u both like .. u know her best .. u know how to put her in a good mood and u should know by now what triggers her like the word slut so choose what u wanna say to her before u say it also theres a lot of play room .
It's like the playground she always went on the slide cuz that's what she was taught she never did the monkey bars cuz she wasnt interested and maybe she saw someone get hurt in the swing.. so theres still the sprinkler and basketball and tag .. think I get where I am going

Rene - 31yo - level 27 -
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1 month ago

You don't have to dirty talk to change it up.. change the location, change the scenery, go to the back yard..

Ashley - 26yo - level 4 -
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1 month ago

Download a couples game app. Changes things up.

Greg - 30yo - level 14 -
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1 month ago

You may need to say the dirty talk in your head and not to her directly to keep the erection. My concern is that what makes you horny is calling your fiancé a slut when she doesn’t like it. Your daughter is going to have sex with a man who wants to call her slut and I’m sure you’re not going to be happy about it. Think on that...

Jessicah - 31yo - level 1 -
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1 month ago

If porn is involved your brain needs a total reset. You have to give it all a rest.

Stacy - 53yo - level 2 -
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1 month ago

Have you ever thought about discussing your sex life with her, and asking what would turn her on? But avoiding words like slut, etc?

Angela - 36yo - level 33 -
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1 month ago

My boyfriend and I have the exact same problem, including the desire on his part for dirty talk, and similar stuff. I can tell you that I personally don't think I could ever be comfortable with that. I don't think that what he wants is wrong or negative, but It just makes me feel completely silly, and very non-sexual.

My boyfriend has actually gotten some generic Cialis or something, and it does work. You don't have to have erectile dysfunction or anything to use it, so don't feel uncomfortable about it. It's just a useful addition to your sex life. Think of it as a sex toy or something, just something to spice things up.

Also, just something to consider, there is something some guys do that's called "nofap" 😄 There's even a website for it, and kind of a support group. What you do is not watch porn at all. Maybe they don't even "fap" 😁 at all, but I don't remember.

Another thing you can do is to only use sexy photos of your girlfriend when you fap. I dunno, that's what my boyfriend does, and it seems to help. Actually, he started out doing that, but now he just makes sure to always have a window open (on his PC) with a picture of me on it, while he's watching other stuff. I'm assuming you are used to watching like hardcore, kinky stuff, so your mind is used to that extreme stimulation. You can reprogram your brain by only watching more vanilla stuff, if you can be committed to that.

Anyway, just some suggestions. I'm not saying your girlfriend can't or won't make efforts to improve the situation, but unfortunately, I myself am not sure how I can change, so I don't have any suggestions regarding that.

Kelly - 38yo - level 7 -
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1 month ago

Give her oral when it goes down

Jd - 40yo - level 11 -
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1 month ago

Try and open her up by tricking or suggesting more spice

McLegend - 33yo - level 12 -
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1 month ago

Go to a sex therapist or a psychologist who specialises in this. I think you'll need help on this one.

Divya - 25yo - level 4 -
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1 month ago

You need to talk to her about it. Phrase it in a way that’s it’s about you not her e.g. “I love it when...”
Find a compromise with the dirty talk. Something that she doesn’t find offensive but that you enjoy. Sometimes putting “my” in front of a ‘derogatory’ term can help with that e.g. “my dirty slut”
Best of luck!

Emily - 23yo - level 11 -
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1 month ago

That tell me that you should look into your local BDSM community and find other ways to spice up your sex life.

Amelia - 30yo - level 11 -
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1 month ago

Try to tell her that you really like that kind of stuff and ask her why she feels offended of it. Disguss about the thing and hopefully you find the solution for that, its not always the first conversation what makes the truth. Also saving yourself for her might do some work by itself, try to practice focusing her instead porn kind of fantasies. Also its good to think about the stuff you like, why, when, with who? Why violent kind of sexuality makes you turn on, could you learn something from her also?

Milka - 27yo - level 4 -
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1 month ago

Dirty talk doesn't have to involve calling her disrespectful names. Ask her what does she like for you to do to her when you are having sex. Are you on medication?? Stop over thinking things and have fun.

Ms. Robinson - 45yo - level 11 -
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1 month ago

I’m curious why you’re only nine months together but you’re already engaged. Why so fast? Maybe you two need to have some open and honest discussion about topics apart from sex. Like what you each want from the relationship, where you see yourselves in 5/10 years, why you’re getting married, etc. Intimate and trusting communication facilitates good sex.

Lynn - level 8 -
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1 month ago

Try having long foreplays sessions and make out with her in different ways that you have never done before. It will help you and will also make her feel exicted.

Moiz - 25yo - level 11 -
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1 month ago

I am seconding everyone in saying you should stop masterbation. You are up in your own head and the anxiety of the sex being "bad" is causing you to go limp. I would also go to the doctor and rule out anything medical. If you are getting married to this woman and you are open like you say, you should have already had this conversation with her. If you have some kind of kink with the *slut" thing this should have been brought up before getting engaged. Don't leave your fiance out in the cold, you know she might think the issue is her...

Cyndi - 38yo - level 11 -
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1 month ago

Watch some porn with her some soft porn maybe she'd like that

Jen - 35yo - level 32 -
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1 month ago

Soo my Boyfriend and I were discussing this and we both agree if its not staying hard she not sucking you off good enough!!!!

Jessica - 30yo - level 1 -
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1 month ago

Watch porn together, maybe, and make sex with her part of your 'masterbation' routine

Burley - 39yo - level 3 -
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1 month ago

Speak to your partner about it. Get her point of view. Maybe try different positions in bed.. Watch porn together. Try alternatives to sex, maybe a bit of role play and then sex. Defiantly do not jerk off for a while. The longer you leave it the more you will want it.

Sammi - 25yo - level 6 -
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1 month ago

Try working out, lifting weights naturally increases testosterone which is a great natural fix for boner problems. Also probably see a doctor if it’s an ongoing issue

Jesse - 33yo - level 22 -
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1 month ago

Go see a doctor

Adam - 33yo - level 15 -
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1 month ago

There could be some real warning here... ED, to docs, can also mean "early death" as it's an implication of other health issues

Burley - 39yo - level 3 -
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1 month ago

Take a break don't have sex with her for a month. Check urself after a month

Naina - 29yo - level 11 -
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1 month ago

Leave it alone for a while and only use for sex with her...no more solo time

Dallas - 34yo - level 13 -
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1 month ago

b4 u make any rash decisions go c ur dr u might have on no im gonna say it ED oh calm down this just gives u a chance 2 perfect ur oral game just breathe & stop thinking so much!!

Teresa - 43yo - level 9 -
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