8 months ago
Short and simple: he's not the one for you, don't trap yourself in an unloving situation. Yes, even if you guys are married. If you find yourself still too committed to this marriage and are determined to work things out, here's an idea for a last-ditch effort: Ask for a comprehensive "once and for all" discussion on this matter. Make a deal with yourself to move on without him (separate) if you are not 100% satisfied with his answers, and to accept his words at face value no matter what. Schedule it with him at a time where you are both certain to be awake, available and present. Give him a concise heads up, e.g. "I need to ask you a series of questions at such, on such date, and we need to discuss them thoroughly so I can decide how I will move forward with this marriage. Take this time until our discussion to think of what you want, desire and need out of this life and how to verbalize your thoughts". Have a list of questions ready just in case you start to feel emotionally overwhelmed and lose your train of thought while talking with him. Make a plan of action for both outcomes, maybe even a flow chart, and stick to it. Brainstorm what potential answers will and will not satisfy you. Make sure you both clearly understand the purpose for this discussion: you are there to ask honest, clear questions, and he will be there to give you clear, candid answers. Everything is to be answered during this discussion and nothing will be left to the imagination. Take it all at face value. What be brings to the table will be what he offers you, and he either will follow through or not. All or nothing. It's a tough and necessary act of love and will be worth it, trust me. You will never be happy if he just is there and you do all or most of the work, I promise you. A marriage is not defined by the promises you made at the beginning, but the legacy you both continuously build thereafter. Remember you are worth more than the world no matter how he treats you.
Celia - 23yo - level 17 -