45 - 504 - 2 months ago

How do you trust after your husband has an emotional affair with another woman? He tried leaving me for her but in the end he stayed. I have forgiven him, but there is so many questions I have that he refuses to answer. Should I let it go and move on or keep randomly asking for more information until I get the answers I need.

Kia - 34yo - level 6

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2 months ago

He should answer your questions in order for you to have the closure you need in order to fully forgive him and move on. If he doesn’t answer he is not fully committed to you or your relationship.

Ardeasha - 32yo - level 12 -
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2 months ago

If he already tried leaving you for her and now he's being stubborn about giving you answers, he's not the one for you. Move on and try to spend time with friends who treat you right.

Finn - 21yo - level 6 -
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2 months ago

If you need the answers to be able to reach closure, then let him know that you can't move on if he doesn't answer

Maylis - 21yo - level 27 -
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2 months ago

This is something I just went thru, he never left me for her but she was in our picture. Your going to have to really think deeply if you can move on bc if you can't forgive him your going to grow resentment & never be able to trust again. If you feel there is too much hurt, no chance at trying to rebuild your confidence & trust with him then let it go & move on for you. Healing hurts but if you can't start, it hurts worse & for you that's not fair. He's going to have to give you those answers if he wants you to stay. If he won't give you what you need to begin that rebuild he's not fighting to keep you.

Victoria - 36yo - level 1 -
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2 months ago

Go to counseling. An experienced third party can help both of you know where your expectations and boundaries should be while you try to repair your relationship. Also, trust your gut and own your feelings however they may fluctuate. Trust is a difficult thing to restore and it takes time. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, let anyone make you feel bad for doing what’s right for you - even if that means staying and trying to make it work.

Tracy - 37yo - level 14 -
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2 months ago

Dump him and move on

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2 months ago

In going through something similar, I read something that said a relationship can only be repaired if the person is truly sorry. Part of being truly sorry was defined as the person being willing to provide answers needed by the partner. And not just in one sitting, but he should be willing to help you with answers when you need them. Another part was being willing to be "checked on" or to willing provide info (like whereabouts, passwords, etc) for a time period to help foster trust.

Suman - 42yo - level 5 -
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2 months ago

Marriage is such a strong bond, that I believe there's always a chance at healing. You should realize that he chose you (in the end), but you should still sit down with him and get all the answers you need. Do everything you can to save your love for eachother, but also make sure he's held accountable for what he has done

Gar - 17yo - level 7 -
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2 months ago

well for one I give you a lot of respect for staying with him and forgiving him. I was in an 8 year relationship with the father of my daughter who cheated on me twice and also had gotten them pregnant. I forgave him because I was young and he was all I ever knew. I started dating him when I was 15 and it ended when I was 23. I feel like the fact that you were you able to find it in your heart to forgive him that he should have enough respect for you to answer the questions that you want answered. That's the only way that you are truly going to be able to move forward in this relationship so y'all can talk about it and figure things out and work on your committed relationship from here on out. Communication is key in a relationship and I am just now finding that out in the last few months. I wish you the best I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. And I hope you get the answers that you deserve and now you should know the signs so don't let him do the same thing to you again because I'm sure you deserve so much better.

Savannah - 30yo - level 9 -
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2 months ago

Yes you need answers and I think you have every right to get the answers you need.... he is the one that was unfaithful, in sorry though this must be hard.

Chrissy - 29yo - level 11 -
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2 months ago

This exact thing happened to me and my husband and We were at odds for the first 3 years of our marriage. But with time, God healer our marriage and He will do the same for yours. My advice is to not think about it so much bc the more you dwell on how he almost left you will leave you for 1) bitter 2) if the opportunity presents itself you could end up doing the same thing to him
If you’re not careful(what I almost did) 3) thinking about it makes you feel inferior to this woman and you are not! He made a dumb decision to pursue his FEELINGS for her instead of the LOVE he obviously has for you!! I also suggest listening to Christian marriage sermons. Keith Moore has a great one entitled “What Love does” and “marriage” it’s all on YouTube for free. I KNOW EXACTLY how you feel though! All though it wasn’t physical, it still hurts and you have to detox as if he did cheat physically! Trust has to regained and he needs to understand that! As my pastor stated, “love is given but trust is earned”!

Jaleesa - 30yo - level 7 -
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2 months ago

Thanks I really needed to hear that! I appreciate you for sharing your personal experience with me. Reading this makes me feel like all hope it's lost.

Kia - 34yo - level 6 -
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2 months ago

Move on, if he tried to leave for her, he'd leave for someone else.

Larry - 41yo - level 30 -
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2 months ago

You probably don't want to know the answers, but at least you will be able to put some of it behind you. It's a catch 22.

Pete - 44yo - level 39 -
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2 months ago

I just went thru the same thing but I made it a stipulation for him to provide answers. If I was gonna stay (I actually threatened to leave with his son) he would have to provide me with the answers I needed to move on. It's definitely not easy to forgive something like that. But if he is being difficult with you after he messed up and refuses to give you the facts about what happened, personally I would question his integrity and desire to be faithful to you. Good luck and I hope this helps.

Mary - 36yo - level 12 -
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2 months ago

LEAVE HIM , he's not being truthful to you, it's very likely she still has something going on

Deryk - 23yo - level 9 -
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2 months ago

Tell him there's the door buddy u want her bad enough 2 not tell me about her then kick rocks!!

Teresa - 43yo - level 9 -
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2 months ago

Let it go completely unless he does it again

Ik - 17yo - level 28 -
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2 months ago

You got to do right by you!! If he cant answer you let him go!! You need to listen to you!! Love yourself be good to you!! You deserve the best life has to offer!!

Charri - 45yo - level 19 -
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2 months ago

Emotions. And humans emotions are the life blood of existence. Managing and controlling your own. Hoping yours match with your partners. Being rewarded when they do are magic. If that can be found.

Steve - 35yo - level 9 -
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2 months ago

You aren't a garbage can. You're not a second choice. Focus on yourself and be happy. You don't need other people to acknowledge your worth for it to be true. You deserve love. True love.

Dea - level 6 -
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2 months ago

Move on, he is not being genuine. He doesn't care. Don't forget yourself because he already did a selfish act. It's hard but it will feel good later. Believe me

Madgscherly - 25yo - level 32 -
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1 month ago

We just went through this and went to counselling for it. We survived but it was hard work. There are two different things, admitting he had the affair and owning it.

My partner admitted it (physical as well) and thought he was owning it, but didn't want to talk about it, in his mind it happened in the past, let's not bring up the past. That to me is not owning it.

We were told, twice a week, have a 20 minutes venting session! Where I spoke, asked all my questions, could get mad as hell, he didn't speak unless to answer my questions and he saw how much I hurt etc. Him answering is part of them owning it... And also having the block time makes it less like all the time I asked questions etc, you can write down you questions and know you can ask them but as soon as that 20 minutes is up, stop.

Once you have exhausted all your questions, then you make a plan of how to move forward. It's 2hat you need for closure, not what they need in this so.

Jasmine - 37yo - level 46 -
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2 months ago

Short and simple: he's not the one for you, don't trap yourself in an unloving situation. Yes, even if you guys are married. If you find yourself still too committed to this marriage and are determined to work things out, here's an idea for a last-ditch effort: Ask for a comprehensive "once and for all" discussion on this matter. Make a deal with yourself to move on without him (separate) if you are not 100% satisfied with his answers, and to accept his words at face value no matter what. Schedule it with him at a time where you are both certain to be awake, available and present. Give him a concise heads up, e.g. "I need to ask you a series of questions at such, on such date, and we need to discuss them thoroughly so I can decide how I will move forward with this marriage. Take this time until our discussion to think of what you want, desire and need out of this life and how to verbalize your thoughts". Have a list of questions ready just in case you start to feel emotionally overwhelmed and lose your train of thought while talking with him. Make a plan of action for both outcomes, maybe even a flow chart, and stick to it. Brainstorm what potential answers will and will not satisfy you. Make sure you both clearly understand the purpose for this discussion: you are there to ask honest, clear questions, and he will be there to give you clear, candid answers. Everything is to be answered during this discussion and nothing will be left to the imagination. Take it all at face value. What be brings to the table will be what he offers you, and he either will follow through or not. All or nothing. It's a tough and necessary act of love and will be worth it, trust me. You will never be happy if he just is there and you do all or most of the work, I promise you. A marriage is not defined by the promises you made at the beginning, but the legacy you both continuously build thereafter. Remember you are worth more than the world no matter how he treats you.

Celia - 23yo - level 12 -
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2 months ago

Ask to read Good Husband Good Marriage. You should read it too.

It basically tells the man that women are better at relationship and men have it all wrong. If he does half the stuff in the book and stop lying to himself you will be able to trust him again. If he is not willing to changing then you should leave him. It’s not that he is not having sex with that woman, he was not meeting your needs and therefore you were not meeting his. Likely that’s related to his affair. Typically the woman does many things right and the man is a asshole. Men have to change. I’m a asshole and I’m working to fix that

Keith ferguson - 59yo - level 17 -
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2 months ago

Leave now! His life should be an open book if he really wants you to stay.

Cedric - 38yo - level 36 -
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2 months ago

If you still need answers than you have not forgiven. You have to accept that you don't need to know the answers. The more you know the more you will need to forgive and forget.

Jessica - 24yo - level 15 -
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2 months ago

I went through this. A counselor helped a lot, but it took my H over a year to start owning what he did and answering questions. Until he started answering questions and gave me all his passwords I could not feel safe enough to give him my heart again. I also needed him to see hi as own counselor, because he needed to understand how he could do the things he did and how to affair proof his feelings.

Beth - 51yo - level 26 -
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2 months ago

He tried for a reason and he will try again. Not answering the questions is a stronger indication that it will happen again. Find someone who loves you.

Dave - 50yo - level 14 -
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2 months ago

If he refuses to answer your questions then is he truly done cheating? I've been where you are but in more than an emotional affair. We did counseling when we got back together and that was one of the first steps was for him to answer anything I wanted to know about the affair. I couldn't get the closure I needed if he didn't. If he continues to refuse to answer you two might be better off without each other.

Amber - 27yo - level 43 -
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2 months ago

Too many fish in the sea to focus on one who broke u! Take this as a learning curvature and make wise moves moving forward. Understand he made his choice to emotionally get involved with someone who wasn’t you, he made his bed let him lay in it! Your worth deserves an amazing person! Don’t settle for someone who took your love for granted!

Maricela - 32yo - level 16 -
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2 months ago

If you need answers he should be able to give them to you. Maybe it’s hard for him to talk about it but nevertheless he should tell you everything bcs communication is key and thats the only way you both can make your marriage work

Katija - 22yo - level 29 -
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2 months ago

Your concern at him not answering your questions is called for, he decided to make that dire mistake, so he should have a moment to give you a explanation and if not you shouldn't take it anymore. A open relationship, where both partners communicate before making a rash decision that will cause pain and confusion is important. Perhaps give your partner an ultimatum: our marriage is destined to fall apart unless we have this discussion, I still love you and I am trying to make the effort to make this work, however I will stop unless you give me a peace of mind.
I'm sorry for what has happened to you and I hope you do find happiness x be it in this relationship or in the future x

Ronnie - 18yo - level 12 -
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2 months ago

You should have one big talk. Ask everything you want tonknow and if he chooses to not answe rd then you should probably leave because by not answering hes keeping secrets and you have every right to know what you want to kjow. You cant move forward with un answered questions

Derreck - 39yo - level 14 -
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2 months ago

Maby his is able to answer your questions and discuss it in a couple therapy.

Urs - 46yo - level 26 -
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2 months ago

Communication he should tell you why

Yessy - 30yo - level 6 -
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2 months ago

Maby his is able to answer and discuss your questions in a couple therapy.

Urs - 46yo - level 26 -
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2 months ago

A man who cheats on you once and still is secretive will definitely do it again...I think it's time you protect your heart against him and find the person that is made for you, that will take care of you the way you deserve!

Christoff - 23yo - level 31 -
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2 months ago

I agree I can’t move on with no answers to your questions u will always wonder maybe even the trust won’t be rebuild and he should want u to forgive him fully he should be able to answer you

Michelle - 40yo - level 18 -
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2 months ago

Leave

Rose - 36yo - level 26 -
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2 months ago

Ufs hard to move on believe me but if you can't let go then u will nevwe and u will never be truly happy

Alyssa - 30yo - level 10 -
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2 months ago

You need answers and he should

Shane - 33yo - level 11 -
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2 months ago

I just went thru the same thing but I made it a stipulation for him to provide answers. If I was gonna stay (I actually threatened to leave with his son) he would have to

Mary - 36yo - level 12 -
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2 months ago

If he won't answer all of your questions, pack his personal effects and change the locks.

Sara - level 18 -
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2 months ago

Let him know you need answers and if no answers then move on if answers let him know how you feel be honest and tell him will take some time to get through this

Derek - 35yo - level 9 -
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2 months ago

He is not good for you . He wanted to leave you but felt guilty . He really doesn't want to be in a real relationship with you . Just one so he ain't single . Kick him to the curb . He will only bring misery

Kaitlyn - 19yo - level 7 -
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