50 - 1365 - 8 months ago

My husband loves to go out and party. I have no issues with it but should I be upset when he comes home at 3 & 4 in the morning?

Kia - 34yo - level 6

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8 months ago

Girl... most clubs and bars close at 2. The only thing open at 4am is waffle house and a woman's legs.

Lorraine - 28yo - level 37 -
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8 months ago

Profane

Abril - 26yo - level 23 -
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8 months ago

I would talk with him first. If it’s putting strain on it the relationship, it needs to be addressed. You’re not “wrong” for feeling upset, but he is also not a mind reader. If you say it’s okay when it really isn’t, it’s just going to cause a lot of conflict. It also depends on how frequently it’s happening. Once a week? Twice a week? 3 or more? If it’s just a day, he’s trying to limit himself, and get it all out in a day, if it’s more, there might be other issues.
I suggest first having a talk, airing your feelings, and letting him air his as well.

Carl - 34yo - level 48 -
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8 months ago

Maybe you aren't as comfortable as you think you are since you asked this question.
I personally would go out with my partner but would trust them to go alone. Without the trust, there is no relationship.
Still, on to your specific question. The time frame you mentioned is typical club or bar closing hours. So from what limited information is given it seems on nights out he stays till closing with nothing to worry about. If the time bothers you talk about it and come to an agreement.

Louis - 45yo - level 22 -
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8 months ago

Yes

Yessy - 30yo - level 8 -
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8 months ago

As long as you have no issues but personally I would if it’s a regular event. There are things that should change when you’re no longer single. Partying should change.

Ebony - 33yo - level 6 -
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8 months ago

Not if it's not a new habit...I mean I assume he did this when you werent married and it was ok then so it shouldn't bother you now....HOWEVER if he specifically doesn't want you to go then sounds like it may be an issue other than simply upsetting you but if you fully trust him then no it shouldn't upset you what time he comes home I mean unless this is frequent cause personally I like seeing my partner every day and if she went partying til 3am 2 or 3 times a week without me I would feel left out, lonely and not really like she cared about me so I guess I change my answer if you feel in any way left out or lonely or any of that then of course ypu should be upset cause I know I would for sure

Jake - 29yo - level 34 -
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8 months ago

No! First of all you say you don't have an issue with it but actually you do. Either you full trust him or you don't. Why would he can be able to go out until late? As long as he is fully responsible foe himself i wouldn't worry. Which clubs close at 2?! If one ever partied for real things stay open up until morning but that might depend on the country.

But you might join him time to time just to see and share this part of his life

Lorenzo - 23yo - level 42 -
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8 months ago

Thanks I have joined him a few a few time. We have four kids and getting a sitter is difficult when coming home at 3 & 4 in the morning! I don't trust him like he wish I would he messed that up for himself. Still I don't give him the 3 degree when he walks in the door.

Kia - 34yo - level 6 -
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1 month ago

Ok, so there is a history of something jeopardizing trust? If he betrayed your trust previously, then I see no reason why a married man with four kids needs to be out partying on the regular. It will s highly suspicious behavior, and if he enjoys doing it so much - there is a reason and it's not going to be one that would be appropriate for a married man.

Misty - 41yo - level 3 -
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8 months ago

Just depends on how often and if you trust him. If its frequent I would be upset.

Amber - 20yo - level 11 -
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8 months ago

Sounds like you do have an issue with it. Let him know.

Beverly - level 11 -
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8 months ago

I won't like it.yes i will be upset

Amruta - 25yo - level 13 -
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8 months ago

It all depends on the type of relationship you have. I personally wouldn't allow that because to me that's disrespectful if you're not there partying with him at those hours, but that's totally up to you. Clubs usually close around 2am so he should be headed home however anytime after that do you ever think about what he is doing. There is usually nothing good going on after 12am anyway. Maybe bring it up not fight but let him know how you feel about it.

Zenya - 43yo - level 34 -
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8 months ago


You are saying the exact same things my bf have said about me going to the bar. we have opposite schedules so i can't go with him. i work 5pm to 10pm and he goes to work from 10 pm to 6 am. We dont live together. After working at my restaurant I like to go vent with a beer and some pool. My bf thinks I'm being completely disrespectful to him by doing the same thing ive Been doing since i was 21. How can we compromise without one of us feeling hurt or controlled?




















Megan - 32yo - level 21 -
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8 months ago

Definitely

Dessa - 35yo - level 7 -
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8 months ago

Absolutely..... If you're cool enough to give him his space and go out with friends (his boys), then he should respect you enough to come home at a reasonable hour. There is no need to be out, w/out his girl, til all hours of the night. I'm not saying he needs a curfew, but bars close at 2am. Anything past that is shady.

Nicole Onesti - 38yo - level 12 -
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8 months ago

If the bars close at 2, it isn't unreasonable if he's out with friends to hang around, eat, and chat for another 45 minutes after that. 3 seems pretty reasonable if everything is on the up and up IF you're not telling him to come home at a certain time (it seems as if you aren't). 4 is even reasonable if you take into account making sure he's good to drive home if he had one too many.

If you aren't making his curfew clear to him, I'm not sure you should hold it against him (not gonna tell you whether you should not feel upset).

Derrick - 33yo - level 29 -
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8 months ago

If you dont feel ok with it than thats a boundary you can set, and talk to him about.

Yesenia - 35yo - level 41 -
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8 months ago

Ask him to let you smell his dick

Shane - 34yo - level 15 -
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8 months ago

Hahaha....

Nicole Onesti - 38yo - level 12 -
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8 months ago

Ha

Dan - 37yo - level 7 -
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8 months ago

It clearly upsets you, and that's something you can't help, so here's what I think you should do: think about why it upsets you. Is it because you don't trust him? Is it because you miss him and you would like you two to do something else instead? Is it because he gets drunk? What are your reasons? Once you've found your reasons, talk to him. Pay attention: NEVER stop him from doing what he loves. But you can find some balance. For example, if you miss him, you can go out or just stay home together on Friday nights, and he can party on Saturday nights. If it's because of jealousy, you can work on it together, to find a solution. He can text you more, to show he hasn't forgotten you etc. Dialogue is always the best way to solve problems in a relationship, but you also need to know what's really in your mind.

Gabriela - 23yo - level 34 -
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2 weeks ago

Well if he likes to party, and you don't have a problem with that then 3-4 am seems like a normal time to come home... Parties don't really get started until midnight do they...?

Maarten - 42yo - level 1 -
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2 months ago

Yep. I’d be pretty upset and asking some questions. Well, are YOU upset?

Heather - 42yo - level 1 -
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8 months ago

My sister in law (but no longer) asked me if my husband( her husbands brother) stayed out on a weeknight until 2 in the morning. My husband did not and does not. Her husband was actually going to a strip club and having an affair with one of the dancers. She divorced him immediately. It's been 20 years since then. She is extremely happy with a long time boyfriend. He no longer is seeing the stripper and I am still married (33yrs) to his brother.

Sherry - level 31 -
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8 months ago

If the clubs where you’re at close earlier than 3-4 than i’d say you should look into what he’s doing between club closing and him coming home. It clearly does bother you and i think you should talk to him openly

Katija - 22yo - level 30 -
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8 months ago

If he wants to stay out past breakfast you need to worry for sure. As for commmbg home decent hour, you don’t know what he up to earlier either. Not a best practice

Kaye - 56yo - level 27 -
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8 months ago

Even though you are together you're still individuals with social needs out side of the marriage. So long as your partner is no miss out on other obligations he should be allowed to blow off some steam with friends.
I know my girlfriend trusts me to be out as late as I choose, but we communicate openly about our exptections before, during and after.

Chris - 34yo - level 24 -
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8 months ago

Yes. Any chance you could join him sometimes? He might like that and you would get visibility into what he is experiencing.

Tee - level 5 -
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8 months ago

Absolutely and honestly he shouldn’t be going to a bar all the time without u. He’s married he needs to grow up

Jeannette - 46yo - level 4 -
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8 months ago

Well maybe. Idk it depends if you invited him and he declined. Then no you shouldn't be mad.

Melissa - 36yo - level 14 -
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8 months ago

Totally

Jason - 32yo - level 25 -
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8 months ago

Yes. No time management.

Joyce - 37yo - level 38 -
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8 months ago

Depends on if there has bin an expectation set for both of your behavior in this situation

Brian - 38yo - level 15 -
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8 months ago

Yes!

Mary - level 19 -
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8 months ago

You should set boundaries for going out by yourself, set an appropriate time to be home that you both can agree on

Ken - level 22 -
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8 months ago

Absolutely. If he's doing that there is definitely something going on, or some need not being fulfilled in your relationship.

Jeremy - 42yo - level 42 -
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8 months ago

Definitely

Megan - 29yo - level 2 -
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8 months ago

Probably.

Kelsey - 22yo - level 25 -
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8 months ago

Nothing good happens after 2AM

Matt - 41yo - level 8 -
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8 months ago

If he is older that 35, then there should be a discussion about what time you would like him home AND you should both make some concessions, so that you feel better and he doesn’t feel like he has a curfew.

Lex - level 22 -
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8 months ago

If you have communicated with him and he knows that you are uncomfortable with the late hours, there should be some regard for your feelings. This is your husband, not a random guy you're dating. The "forever" part of the connection will require communication, honesty, openness, and compromise. An occasional late night out might be something you can tolerate, but he should respect your wishes in this regard

Tee - 42yo - level 5 -
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8 months ago

Yes nothing good comes after midnight

Keith ferguson - 59yo - level 22 -
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8 months ago

Uhmm Definitely, where I live bars close at 2a. So being later then that would make me paranoid. Does he tell you what takes him so long to return?!

Lisa - 39yo - level 11 -
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8 months ago

No need to worrie, if you trust him. If you don't you might worrie..

Veronica - 44yo - level 1 -
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8 months ago

Nothing good happens after 10 but thats just my opinion. Why aren't u partying together?

Brittney - 31yo - level 11 -
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8 months ago

I would definitely be partying with him!

Lisa - 39yo - level 11 -
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8 months ago

It shouldn’t happen often. Like 2-3 times a yy

William - 46yo - level 23 -
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8 months ago

If it’s occasional cool if weeklong pretty sad pretty bad

Jonathan - 30yo - level 6 -
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8 months ago

I think it depends on your lifestyle and how trustworthy he is. Does he have a history of heating or getting in trouble when he goes out? If not, it isn’t a big deal unless you feel left out or alone. If you are a young couple with no kids and he isn’t expecting you to manage the house while he plays, there’s no problem with him having a social life. The answer to this really depends on your relationship and lives together as all relationships have a dynamic that differs from others.

Sarah - 32yo - level 41 -
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8 months ago

I can understand .
Even he have a life except me

Kulsoom - 20yo - level 3 -
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8 months ago

Yes you should bc those are not appropriate times for coming in unless he’s kept in contact throughout the nite.

Ardeasha - 32yo - level 12 -
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8 months ago

Yes unless he calls keeps you updated and you're ok with it. Have a conversation.

Oh - 26yo - level 4 -
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8 months ago

If it is only every once on a while and it had been discussed before hang, and he gets home responsibly ( meaning not drunk driving) then no. If it's all the time I think definitely there needs to be a talk about it. If you talk and it still is happening the you absolutely have the right to be upset.

Daniel - 33yo - level 41 -
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8 months ago

Talk to him about your worries. Maybe, he haven't think, that it was a problem.

Anatoly - 28yo - level 11 -
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8 months ago

I had a similar problem. And I let it happened for a long period of time, at the beginning I was fine didnt care or worried but it became consistent and it just created a big problem between us. Because he used to come drunk and it was just annoying. There's limits to everything. I was fine at the beginning but thought time my gut was telling me "you gotta find out what he's doing" because it happened almost every night I never went with him because I figured was only his Male friends. And that wasn't the case. It opens doors that eventually will bring you nothing but troubles in your relationship. What does a man in a marriage or relationship needs to be doing out side at 3 or 4am? Be careful, he may not have intentions of hurting you but he is definitely open a door that doesn't need to be open and women around are sleek mostly in this times we are living. They see an opportunity and take advantage.
Just talk to him and if it bothers you let him know. Is not wrong for him to hang out with his friends if they're married at least you know they know whats wrong and can keep him in check now if they're single they dont really care because they're not in a relationship. Just be careful with who he hangs out, if he loves you and cares for you he will make changes to keep you happy and for you to keep trusting him. Hope that helps.

Cessia - 37yo - level 9 -
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