24 - 484 - 5 months ago

For the past few months, me and my bf are in a long distance relationship. I had to leave the country to work abroad. I love my job, but I hate every day I am away from him. And his mother passed away a few days later... I want to resign to go back to him, to support him and take care of him. But I am afraid cause I don't fully understand how important I am to him. Will it be childish to quit my job for him?

Maryna - 24yo - level 18

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5 months ago

It’s not childish, at all! That’s how we women are! We are natural nurturers! You want to take care of his broken heart! Not silly! However; it would not be wise! You need your financial independence, especially if you’re not sure where you are in your relationship. It would be different if he asked you to come back and had a plan for the two of you. I agree with Teena. Save up for a ticket home for a visit. Be as supportive as possible from where you are. I’ve done the long distance thing. We are still married and I never felt unloved. Google ways to help you in a long distance relationship. There’s great ideas out there. Good luck!🤗

Deanna - 47yo - level 19 -
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5 months ago

I never comment on these things but I was in a very similar situation. I loved my job but I loved my family more, so I applied for and got a job closer (we now live together and I make a short commute to work). That worked out great for us. I would highly suggest you consider the same. Be certain to look for a job you'll like though, especially if you actually like your current job. The last thing you want is to become disgruntled and blame it on the relationship. That said, I would personally advise against outright quitting and 'worrying a out it later'. Jobs are important. Plus, while I don't know your financial situation, losing an entire income especially when the other party may very well be taking time off to tend to matters, is seldom tenable. Love may conquer all, but it doesn't pay the bills.

Dustin - 33yo - level 23 -
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5 months ago

Give it a try, go for vacation to visit him. Ask him to come to your place in return. Do not quit the job , however and try to be patient . If you live each other you will find ways to overcome it , just do not rush to do it all yourself .

Pavel - 27yo - level 10 -
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5 months ago

Do what your heart tell you

Teresa - 55yo - level 30 -
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5 months ago

Dont quit your job. If its ment to be he will move to be with you, you could transfer to be with him, or you guys will make it work till another opportunity opens up. I put my career on hold for a guy. Now we are divorce and I'm left with nothing as far as a career or job I love. It's not worth it. Take care of yourself before you worry about making others happy.

Sara - 27yo - level 5 -
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5 months ago

I think you just answered your question yourself - you want to go back and support him- work isn't everything - cherish the ones close to us - they are the ones that make life worth living - they are the ones that make you smile everyday. Maybe think about what it means if he wasn't there ( if you guys decided to go seperate ways ).... And does that out way your need for job satisfaction.

Kristen - 42yo - level 50 -
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5 months ago

Take some personal time off to travel back to spend some time with him. Don't quit your job unless you'll always be gone.. Stability in a career is also essential in a relationship. You dont want to cause more stress in the relationship due to the significant other believing they now have to support you. If the current job is always constant travel, then look for a replacement and an exceptance from a new employer before departing from your current employer but keep your other half in the loop on your plans so they can encourage you. Transitioning employers is a life change too. It's always nice to have that extra encouragement and support from the one you love.

Melissa - 33yo - level 2 -
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5 months ago

For me, my relationship is the most important thing in my life. I would never have a job that separated me from my partner. Obviously you need to make sure that your partner feels the same about you and really wants/needs you to be there... and is committed to you. And if he is, do you really want your relationship to suffer, or potentially lose him, because of a job? It's so hard to find the right person to share your life with. Once you find them, you don't let them go. If you had to choose between sharing your life with that person or keeping your job, which would you choose? Which is more important to you?

Chris - 48yo - level 50 -
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5 months ago

I think that it could be easier to find a job you like much easier than the person you love. It is important for you to have indepence and be self sufficient but I don't believe that it has to be done with the sacrifice of being apart from those that you love. I am too in a long distance relationship due to school and at first I thought it was great but as time passed I realized that there isn't enough time for me to be away from those that I love to do something that I love because there is a way to do both at the same time. Just believe in yourself and that you can succeed anywhere you go and you will. Good luck to you and I hope things turn out well.

Valeria - 24yo - level 46 -
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5 months ago

It's not childish. However, instead if quitting just take a leave and go back for a month or so. Talk about the relationship, since you dont know how much you mean to him talk about your relationship while you're home and see where it stands. If he doesn't have a good feeling about it then you just quit your job for a man and it'll be hard to get back on

Mackenzie - 20yo - level 20 -
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5 months ago

If you are already questioning how much he values you then you either don't habe a good understanding of how much he cares or he doesn't care.

You make your decision for you, not him. If you feel this is what you want to do, do it. Accept the consequences though. Like if you break up in 3 months try not to think of yourself as stupid for choosing love. Think of yourself as hopeful and seeking something better. You made a big sacrifice for love and that's okay.

But if you don't think you could live with yourself if you broke up, then you have your answer that you should stay to your committed job overseas. Maybe you can find a middle ground and go back home for a week. Does your job support or understand that a family member died of your partner? They should let you go home for a week at least.

Then maybe during that week you can get a feeling for how much he cares for you. But just be respectful during that time that he has bigger concerns on his mind than you. Considering his mother just died.

Either way, good luck!

Anthony - 34yo - level 22 -
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5 months ago

If your relationship is strong enough to allow you to be apart to better yourselves then continue on?

Amanda - 37yo - level 14 -
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5 months ago

Don’t quit anything unless you have a chat together that the relationship is going somewhere. If you’re on the same page, then you can think about finding a job closer to him :)

Cally - 29yo - level 44 -
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5 months ago

Weigh up what you value in life and what’s more important. Life is temporary and every day is not a given. If you got to the end what are the things that you hope to have in your life. What do you hope to have worked towards. Whatever you choose it’s your choice because it makes you happy. If being in a supportive closely connected relationship with another is more important to you than “helping others” or whatever your work purpose is, do that.

Jasmine - 26yo - level 33 -
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5 months ago

Hating every day is a strong negative emotion. Return but keep your job thru transfer or whatever it takes.

Keith ferguson - 59yo - level 20 -
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5 months ago

Not childish, but impulsive? Yes. Especially since you do not know how he feels about you. Rather than undertake something as drastic as abandoning a position that affords you the security of food and a place to sleep, you can approach this another way. If the job allows a vacation or personal leave, take it and spend it with him. Or, if he is aware you’d like to see him it would be perfectly fine to ask *him* to come visit you. Show him around a different place lighten his mind.. If the feeling is mutual and the option exists I’m sure he’d love to. Being face to face before you decide to quit would help tremendously.

If you’re able meet up or not, you still may not want to decide based on how you think he might feel. Either way you should ask him what are his feelings for you, where does he see this going? And the jump you should probably take before ditching your job is to tell him you feel you would like to be close to him and tell him you feel this so strongly you want to leave your job to be able to do so.

Bottom line is just to do things in order, you need to know for yourself how he feels for you and about that decision. If the feeling is mutual you’ll feel better about your decision if you quit, and if it’s not you won’t have compromised how you can support yourself.
Don’t hesitate to feel this whole thing out and get feedback to avoid a letdown, because you really don’t want to be let down, heartbroken and without a way to take care of yourself.

Nat - 32yo - level 1 -
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5 months ago

No

Kia - 34yo - level 6 -
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5 months ago

I don't think you should resign. If you can, apply for and take a short leave of absence, even if it's a week to go see him. If there is no way around it, just make sure to constantly keep in touch with him, moreso than usual. Encourage and console him as much as possible.

Lumi - 24yo - level 11 -
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5 months ago

If you love em you’ll do whatever to be with him.

Zach - 29yo - level 14 -
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5 months ago

U need to show support millions of jobs, one of him

Jonathan - 30yo - level 6 -
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5 months ago

What does your heart tell you

Kris - 42yo - level 17 -
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5 months ago

My first reaction was that you should definitely quit... but... after thinking about it, IF you’re not sure about your relationship and how he feels.. then you should keep your job and just try to visit as much as possible.

Michael - 43yo - level 31 -
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5 months ago

Keep your job visit him at your earliest convenience, your career is as much important as anything else

Rocio - 27yo - level 7 -
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5 months ago

I commend you for how much you care for him but... You should definitely keep your job. It's important to have financial stability. Try to save up for a plane ticket to surprise him, if you can.

Teena - 25yo - level 19 -
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