18 - 577 - 6 months ago

It's been 6 years . When it comes to dates, we don't go out on any, I don't receive flowers, or even go to the park. You can bet your bottom dollar that he will go and buy something on random for himself, but when it comes to the kids and myself, we don't receive ANYTHING. We barely get his time. I am extremely frustrated and have almost given up. I have tried telling him what I want for a special day or try to send him hints to places but we go nowhere and I always get gifts that I don't like. It may seem I'm sounding unappreciative but if I like Brookside chocolates and you get me dollar tree brand or knowing I love sauce on my Chick-fil-A sandwich and you bring it back dry like you like it. I feel like you are either doing on purpose or you don't know me.

Shaniqua - 32yo - level 8

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6 months ago

You should listen or read the book 5 love languages! You guys have a different love language. You need quality time and gift giving and are communicating it in a way that he can't understand.

Lara E - 30yo - level 7 -
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6 months ago

I think you should lay your feelings on the table: " It hurts my feelings when this happens". Now, if he doesn't do anything about it, he's basically saying that your emotional needs don't matter.

Teena - 25yo - level 19 -
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6 months ago

I second that.

Anna - 31yo - level 35 -
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6 months ago

I third that. Tell him what you're thinking in a non- confrontational way. It might be an easy fix- it might be that he's not getting what he needs and that you aren't either. Maybe you can talk it through and find a solution. My partner of 10 years and I went through a similar thing. It took a lot of time to figure it out and talk through it, but it seems to work for us. Good luck and keep us updated!

Amanda - 30yo - level 37 -
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6 months ago

I fourth that!
It can sometimes be easier to do this with a mediator (aka a therapist) who can also share some tactics for communication styles/methods that you both agree on and respond to.

Elena - 22yo - level 14 -
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6 months ago

Are you doing anything for him? Taking him to special places, buying him cards, and candy? You have to give to receive. My husband and I have been together 19 years and he doesn't do all that stuff and I do, but that's just the way he is. I went for the "grass is greener on the other side", but honestly it isn't always. Which is why we're back together.

Brandy - 36yo - level 30 -
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6 months ago

When I tell you, he gets the moon and stars. I can't even go anywhere without thinking about the kids or him. I have already got his birthday gift for June and it's things that requires paying attention to detail. He has NEVER disliked anything and has always loved the gestures, gifts, and time put into it. He always say, how did you know, or this is soooo dope. He calls Everyone and brags on all of his experiences. When it comes to me though SMH. It truly is sad and I feel bad a lot of times with both feeling like at least he may have tried but then me feeling as if it wasn't his best.

Shaniqua - 32yo - level 8 -
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6 months ago

Sounds like he needs to do the Love Dare on you. Watch the movie Fireproof. A man should never stop learning about the woman they love. Its a daily adventure.

Clayton - 37yo - level 5 -
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6 months ago

Amen! I second that!!

Tracy - 43yo - level 23 -
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6 months ago

Sounds like an issue with his heart. Continue to love him the best that you possibly can and pray for him. If you love him, dont give up

Ronnie - 37yo - level 26 -
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6 months ago

wow honestly it sounds like u guys have some serious communication issues also there’s no value for his family and that’s a bad sign family should always be important kids notice things like that and they won’t be kids forever u need to have a sit down and lay it all on the table demand certain things and stick to it don’t be aggressive but be passionate and firm if nothing changes then best option find another partner don’t use time or kids as a way to stay because to many women stay in unhealthy relationships too long!! Good luck

Michael - 31yo - level 7 -
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6 months ago

Tell him in detail and real time how you feel. And when you say it don't be sarcastic, just genuine. Don't hold a grudge, just keep the day going pleasant.

Stacy - 53yo - level 2 -
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6 months ago

Absolutely agree with Lara! Get into the 5 Love Languages. It will enlighten you about your own demonstrations of love and how you both are missing each other. It will also give you insight into how your children speak love to you and to each other. I not only know my siblings languages, but my parents..even my niece's and nephews. Keep em saved in a Google Keep Note. It really lends to creating moments that maximise time during holidays, family reunions, or when you only have so much time together.

FYI: In case anyone familiar was unaware, Dr. Chapman has created the official app based on the 5 Love Languages that "nudges" you periodically or at set intervals to carry out, say, exhibit, or complete a task based on your partner's love language. Every successful challenge fills your Love Tank. It's quite brilliant. And it's helped my partner and I FINALLY understand what the other ACTUALLY NEEDS instead of us misfiring in frustration and only guessing at possibilities.

The app is called Love Nudge for Couples

Andréz - 28yo - level 11 -
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6 months ago

To me, it sounds as though he doesn't value you or the kids. It is all about him. He doesn't see any reason to make any of you happy. From my experience, I can tell you, the way things are going, they are never going to be different. My ex husband was the same way. Everything he wouldn't do for me, he has done for his now wife. The day we got divorced, he went with his girlfriend to the place I had asked to go NUMEROUS times. Looking back, I know he wasn't the one for me. I am with my soulmate now and we will do any and everything to keep each other happy. I suggest you tell him exactly how you feel and if he doesn't appreciate you,your relationship and your children, I would hit the road or tell him to.

Tracy - 43yo - level 23 -
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6 months ago

My H was like this because it never occurred to him it could be another way. His mother spoiled him, his brother and his father without any reciprocity.

Beth - 51yo - level 26 -
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6 months ago

This speaks volumes. His mother passed away when he was 7 and he never really had a relationship with his father but was raised by his grandmother & uncle. He has no cousin's or siblings. It's just him and even though he did for me and we did things together in the beginning, he no longer does anything.

Shaniqua - 32yo - level 8 -
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6 months ago

I know how this feels. I had a shorter time in the relationship though. I'm no love-guru, but I think you guys should find a time to sit down and talk about what is going on. And don't hide your feelings! Tell him how you feel, what he's doing to you, because he might not notice what he's hurting you.

Julianna - 11yo - level 2 -
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6 months ago

I'd have to say maybe you need to sit him down and have that conversation just like that because the way you put it is clear and to the point.

Josh - 35yo - level 1 -
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6 months ago

When it's all said and done, what is it that you truly want? You said it has been six years. Was he like this when you met him and love placed blinders in your vision? If he wasn't like this when you met, are you able to recall the shift in your relationship? Have you changed? He's super excited about the gifts because you are aiding his "habit". However, what about the gift of "you"? I resolve that he's always been this way but you have just now noticed. Neither here nor there. Do you want to fix it OR are you afraid that if you say something, he'll leave. Question for you, "how do you feel about yourself?" I'll be honest with you...I don't drop subtle hints. I just tell him bluntly. He loves me no matter what. I also love myself and am quick to take the kids and go places without him...hahaha...which makes him jealous. I hope you are able to find your peace.

TESHA - 43yo - level 25 -
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6 months ago

I am very open. I don't sugar coat anything. When I say I drop hints, I mean like a Facebook message to a certain idea or item. I have refused food on multiple occasions where he would literally get me the same thing as he would get. Don't get me wrong, I am not a picky eater, it's just most of the time I eat chicken and he is a beef guy. I take the kids places and he doesn't mind, even when I leave the baby behind with him all day. He has become a couch potato and I have stated multiple times on how time is important with not only myself but with the kids as well. He is off 3 days out of the week btw. In the beginning we would go out even to little places or just walked and I had a son already. Now, I have flying privileges and we don't go anywhere. We could go to Paris if we wanted and he would rather sleep or watch TV.

Shaniqua - 32yo - level 8 -
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6 months ago

I would tell him you two need therapy. A third party could help him see his ways. Make it important like this could save your relationship or you're done.

Valerie Ann - 42yo - level 28 -
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6 months ago

He doesn’t care.
Y’all have been together too long for him to not know what you want on your chicken sandwich.

Mia - 39yo - level 13 -
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6 months ago

Sounds funny but it's tiring.

Shaniqua - 32yo - level 8 -
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6 months ago

Answers are always in the details. The research. When someone gives me a side of the story that makes no sense to me I ask the person to go back to the beginning find me the chink tgat didn’t get untangled. You can never truly love someone and not receive answers.

Giovanni - 39yo - level 5 -
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6 months ago

Lost connection, too comfortable with the routine of daily life, trying to figure out where he belongs in the world as every one just keeps older..

Dannie - 31yo - level 21 -
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6 months ago

Sounds like he likes his toys more then his family. It's messed up cause s man should always put his family before him.

Travis - 31yo - level 11 -
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