29 - 411 - 7 months ago

What do you do if you keep seeing signs that your partner has or is currently being less than faithfull, but when you ask about it it causes an argument and when you show signs of mistrust it makes the situation worse but the mistrust grows after every argument that offers both insight? She says she isn't and that she's in love with me but my gut tells me something different.

Curtis - 31yo - level 33

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7 months ago

You either have to trust her 100% and believe her when she tells you or you have to walk away. A relationship will never work if there isn't trust and honesty from both sides at all times.

Ronnie - 37yo - level 26 -
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7 months ago

A few things to point out.

Firstly, what are these signs? And are they really signs that she's being unfaithful, or are they signs that's she's just been very busy. Unfortunately, in the end, unless you have a definite reason, you have to trust what she's saying is truthful. I've seen it too many times when one partner is too busy in their personal life, the other starts making accusations.

Now on that note, the second thing to point out is that in every relationship, it's important to talk about and discuss these things. If you're feeling uncomfortable about a situation, your partner should be able to recognize that and take the time to explain to you what's going on, and make sure you're feeling at ease. It's one thing to say I love you, and another thing to sit down and actually explain your feelings to someone.

I can't emphasize enough how important it is to have trust in a relationship. And contrary to what some believe, checking your partner's phone - in my opinion - is not trust. Now, that said, your partner should have nothing to hide, and when asked, they should be willing to show you. But understand if they are being faithful, this may be very hurtful for them to hear.

All in all, you are in a difficult situation. There's no right answer. There's no 'leave her' or 'stay'. And there's no definite way to handle this. Try to approach her with a calm concern. Tell her how you're feeling first, and that you're worried about you two together as a collective. Keeping these feelings to yourself is also hurtful. In the end, if you care for her, you need to sort this through.

This is just some general thought. I hope that everything can be worked out between you two!

Jenna - 22yo - level 35 -
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7 months ago

I had the same issues with my wife. Now everything is alot better and now we just argue about where to go have fun first.. But all i started doing was sending her my live location on messenger for a few months and then eventually she gave in and started to share hers with me every time she left the house and we would exchange phones to look at eachothers google location to see where eacbother have been.. Yeah, it was crap to feel untrusted or dishonest but after the few months had gone by we now have 100% trust with eachother and no doubts on what the other peson has been doing while her or i have been at work or apart from each other. But best bet is go by what my gramps used to say; A way to a happy life, is a happy wife.. Best of luck and hope it all works out.

Chad Linden - 32yo - level 16 -
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7 months ago

There has to be trust, and if their is a lack of trust there has to be honesty to build it. Words and actions will always coexist if there is a sense of belonging that is greater then the need to be unfaithful. If you can’t ask and get honesty without negative responses then there is a sense of guilt which needs to be explored and explained. Honesty is the factor in trust that allows it to exist .

Dro - 33yo - level 11 -
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7 months ago

I honestly don't see how this can continue. You don't trust her. Whether you're wrong or right, it doesn't matter. Either you have some residual insecurity from a previous situation, or she's not giving you the sense of commitment and security you need from her. Distrust only worsens...

Dari - 33yo - level 7 -
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7 months ago

Please listen to me when I say this. I have an extreme amount of experience with unfaithful women. If your gut thinks something is wrong, it probably is. Women in general are devious, self serving, manipulative, entitled, and full of crap all the time. It takes a LOT of work and searching to find a good one. Please, please listen to me on this. This woman is not for you. She is most likely cheating on you. You need to be with someone who never makes you feel this way. Not even once. If you don't listen to me you will be in for a world of pain.

Ryan - 35yo - level 40 -
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7 months ago

Leave

Frankie - 20yo - level 3 -
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7 months ago

To be honest there are many different forms of unfaithful acts. So maybe she has caught someones eye and they do some mild flirting, you could definitely be feeling that. And maybe you just need to step your romance up and do something that guarentees you win over her attention..

Melissa - 30yo - level 1 -
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7 months ago

"How do you know if your man's cheating on you?"
"Do you think your man's cheating on you?"
"Yes...I do."
"That's how you know..."

The above is a lighthearted dialogue from one of Tyler Perry's "Madea" stage plays. But it cuts to the heart of the matter. Illogical jealousy aside, if your man or woman is faithful and devoted to you, you won't doubt their fidelity. If you're questioning if you can trust her and the inquiry ends in a fight, I don't think anyone else reading this would disagree that you already know the truth. Your gut is your best friend. It's just a matter of deciding whether you're willing to endure her denial or just walk away into something truly worthy of you. If she felt wrongly accused, she would grab you by the hand, look you in the face and assure you that you have nothing to fear. Not become defensive and combative.

That said, if you or your partner are prone to illogical jealousy because of past trust issues, this does not apply to you. You've gotta work that out in your own way. LIFE 360 and Find My Friends worked for me and my shady ex. Until he finally did cheat because he became an addict.

Andréz - 28yo - level 11 -
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7 months ago

Trust and have faith and try to communicate more, when you keep talking and sorting out both of the partners feelings and concerns things will settle down.

Calancea - 31yo - level 23 -
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7 months ago

Put it out there an make sure ur right before accusing

Sabrina - 26yo - level 1 -
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7 months ago

Of there is No Trust there is No relationship

Amber - 42yo - level 12 -
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7 months ago

Time to decide what Rollercoaster you want to ride. The one you're on, or? You can love someone but without trust, how can you compete and live through the corrosion? Seek counseling or bail.

Kara - 37yo - level 10 -
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7 months ago

Might be true, but then again might be ur going nuts!!! Why not try and find out the nutty way, or lets it be normal... Jealousy means you have somrone YOU LOVE.

Bonifacio - 28yo - level 1 -
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7 months ago

I say something but does no good he can't ever just own it he always has to shift the blame to me when honesty is the true key to forever and honest can be worked the instead of denieing it .I tell him he has more then one emotion then anger . Dont know why he can't ever just once just own his wrong doings instead of always justifying his wrongs . It wouldn't kill him . He never has I wander if he can . Im so in love with him that have inabled him by letting him think it's ok cuz he gets away with it only because I love him .he has double standards it's ok for him but not ok for me I wish that would change but hasn't yet . He thinks I do him wrong in ways wen God knows I don't it's it sign of guilt because he thinks I do things the he does or ?

Kim - level 2 -
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7 months ago

Better to be open and discuss matters from a standpoint of love and reconciliation than either accusing or simply letting it slide. Communicate your relationship needs and expectations. It's not reasonable for someone to get angry and fight about that.

Jeremy - 38yo - level 31 -
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7 months ago

Confront everything head on. Its going to be an argument regardless if she's jumping on the defense. You want to be in an equal relationship where you both compliment eachother with a strong love in partnership and with a solid relationship you'll should be able to calmly talk about anything.

Christine - 33yo - level 16 -
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7 months ago

Your intuition is telling you there is something wrong. Her response to your questions is reinforcing the suspicion. She may not be unfaithful, but this is a relationship that isn't good for either of you. She has to develop the ability to her you and respond. You have to develop assurance on self and have the ability to trust your partner. Perhaps you two can spend time evaluating and correcting the areas of your own lives necessary to create comfort and happiness before revisiting the idea of being together...or starting new relationships. Best wishes

Tee - 42yo - level 5 -
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7 months ago

Girl bye! Why would you put up with anything less than complete faithfulness? You deserve better and she needs to understand you can’t treat people like that.

Liz - 32yo - level 16 -
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7 months ago

Maybe she needs more positive attention from you. The difference you maybe sensing is that she has started noticing and flirting with other men do to a seeming lack of positive interest from you.

Emily - 35yo - level 9 -
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7 months ago

Honestly, and this is coming from experience. Trust your gut. I went almost 3 years with that same feeling you are describing before finding out that my husband had been cheating on me with my best friend.

Amy - 25yo - level 30 -
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7 months ago

Wheather she is or isn't cheating, you may need therapy because there seems to be a trust issue. I don't see how a relationship can be sustained in this kind of environment.

Natasha - 37yo - level 40 -
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7 months ago

Have you dealt with your prior relationship trauma before getting into this relationship?
What kind of signs are you seeing, and have you examined the validity of them?
If so, and your gut still says something is off... leave.

Mia - 39yo - level 13 -
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7 months ago

If you respectfully asking about it makes her angry, then why? If someone asked me about something I didnt do, then I would give proof and not be concerned. But if it makes them angry, maybe they are being less than truthful.

Ethan - 24yo - level 6 -
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7 months ago

My gut has never let me down, ever. I hope things are not as you fear & y'all find some new common ground.

Stephanie - 39yo - level 14 -
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7 months ago

We just went through something like this. There is a healthy jealous when signs just don’t add up. Then there’s unhealthy jealousy of just being jealous for no reason. Make sure to explain why you feel that way and the reasons behind it. Discuss your concerns and come to an agreement with appropriate boundaries for both of you with people outside your marriage.

Evan - 33yo - level 8 -
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7 months ago

I went through this with my husband for 3 years, he said he wasn't messing around, but became very defensive when I said something. I could clearly see something was going on, his attitude changed toward me, he spent more time away from home, we began to grow apart. We would argue and fight all the time, it became very concerning, so I started snooping. First thing I did was check our phone bill, the breakdown showed he was constantly on the phone or sending messages to someone. It would start shortly after I left for work and stop an hour or so before I got home...he was confronted and lied, it became a never ending cycle. I couldn't do it anymore. When I left, he finally opened up. No more lies, the whole truth came out and I went I to a downward spiral for weeks. It was bad...I trusted my instinct and was right, he had ruined my trust forever. Be careful what you wish for, it may cause more pain than it is worth.

Stephanie - 31yo - level 30 -
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7 months ago

End the relationship. If your partner cant be trusted then move on. It's not worth the stress. Just my opinion of course.

JEREMY - 42yo - level 35 -
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7 months ago

If you don't trust her now, you most likely will always be suspicious. That's unhealthy and neither of you will truly be happy

David - 41yo - level 41 -
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