23 - 391 - 5 months ago

My guy doesn’t go deep when it comes to stating feelings. So guys what is it I can do to get the true deep mushy info out of him?

Alisha - 36yo - level 11

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5 months ago

Guys can sometimes feel more comfortable expressing their feelings by writing them, as opposed to having to say them. One day my wife sat across from me and wrote me a little note.. She gently steered the conversation towards our feelings, goals, ambitions, and dreams. I felt totally comfortable writing these down and answering her questions.. No words were spoken..Try this with him. You will be surprised at how well it works. Plus at the end you will have a little keepsake.

Mark - 42yo - level 4 -
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5 months ago

Although I haven’t tried this approach, I really like this idea. I feel that I am 100 times better at expressing my true feelings, by writing them as opposed to saying them out loud. My wife loves the cards I give her (birthday, anniversary, etc.) cause I feel less timid and shy expressing my feelings in writing as opposed to verbally.

Mike - 36yo - level 17 -
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5 months ago

Well if he isn't giving you his all then that's all he's got to give.... BECAUSE I'm a guy and i get real deep with my wife... She loves it and hates it COS i get so deep.... BUT at the end of the night she loves it COS it opens doors in her mind to be more optimistic towards anything.

Derick - 43yo - level 18 -
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5 months ago

It may not be his personality or he may not be ready to open up to you yet. I would give it time. If it’s not his personality then you may have to do therapy or explain why it’s important for you to understand him on a deeper level. If it’s that he is not ready to open up to you yet then just continue to be yourself and eventually he will come around.

Yvonne - 35yo - level 8 -
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5 months ago

I totally agree with Yvonne! My guy isn't huge on talking about his feelings but the more time passes the more comfortable he is. I am a huge proponent of therapy, I think it helps in all situations. I would NOT rely on alcohol; anytime you are using a substance in that way, it will not be an authentic experience and over time may start to rely on it to have the conversations that you want.

Joanna - 37yo - level 31 -
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5 months ago

I suggest you get and read the book the five live languages. It will explain what kind of person he is and how to respond to him. Even if you don't read the book go on line and take the test it will help a lot

Brian - 54yo - level 26 -
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5 months ago

Tell him that it's important to you and that communication will make your relationship stronger.

Justin - 38yo - level 27 -
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5 months ago

Talk to him while he is doing his favorite activity, whatever that may be (but not during sex - maybe right after sex). Don't try to sit him down and ask him about his feelings. For most guys that does not fly well.

Duane - level 16 -
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5 months ago

My husband was raised that emotions meant weakness. We've been together almost 10 years and it's been like baptizing a mountain lion. We've suffered a lot of loss and heart break, each time He lost a chink in his armor he hides behind.

All I can say is time and understanding. Never, and I mean ever, react poorly to an emotion he shares. He will clam up faster than you can blink, and you'll restart the entire process.

Christina - 26yo - level 37 -
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3 months ago

My husband is the exact same way. I learned to accept the moments where he is expressive without acknowledgement that I notice them and he became expressive more often. Everytime I would acknowledge the expression of his feelings it's like he would take a step back and try to retreat a little. It has definitely taken time and patience and understanding. It's been 4 years and I've just barely gotten past the first layer or so, but I look forward to him letting me in more and more as he feels comfortable and ready.

Jen - 38yo - level 19 -
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5 months ago

Typically if they feel "hounded, pushed or pressured" they lock up just like we do. Try not "putting" him on the spot. If you mentioned it last week and got nowhere-try waiting 2+ plus weeks before returning to the touchy convo. And ladies have hard times just being quite and LISTENING! Throughout out your daily lives he probably he shows/tells you. He may listen to a certain song he enjoys and maybe smiles or winks at you during the song... That is another way of expressing his feelings. And to get deep you need to be deep. Example 1 where did u grow up? VS what was your favorite place you lived at? Example 2 instead of constantly trying to relate to his story (becuz its his and u have yours) ask about SPECIFIC details but NOT like a therapist. So he tells you my fav place was at my grandparents and extra detials about his papa and the garage... Maybe ask what he liked best they did together vs what did yall do together? Do u agree (men)?

Victoria - 27yo - level 1 -
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5 months ago

Lead him by example. Maybe if he saw what you did, he’d have a better idea of what you were looking for.

Michael - 43yo - level 31 -
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5 months ago

Tell him that you apperciate everything he does for you but, you also need to hear it verbally. In a short and to the point reason explained why....example... When I hear it from your mouth it makes me feel happy/excited/horny/sexy/loved or whatever it makes you feel inside...do not.. I repeat DO NOT write a 5 page letter.. Just short, sweet, and to the point

Terry - 41yo - level 1 -
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5 months ago

Give him a back rub ... sweet smelling massage oil and get him drunk!!!

Kevin - 61yo - level 18 -
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5 months ago

Watch "This Is Us" together

Erik - level 5 -
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5 months ago

First try telling him how you feel, then make his toes curl up...

Mike - 46yo - level 15 -
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5 months ago

You may need it too much. I hate being mushy over and over and over. He may also not be as deep as you give him credit for.

Brandon - 34yo - level 7 -
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5 months ago

Communication. Tell him you need to hear how he really feels. Or write him a letter. I played a silly game with my ex. I wrote out 25 questions about us and we both had to answer them. Things like name your fav 3 things about me, when did you realize you were in love with me and why?, SomeThing new you'd like to do together etc
Get deep.

Gemma - 37yo - level 21 -
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5 months ago

I think it depends entirely on the guy. My wife and I are open almost all the time with what we're feeling, even if it's informing the other about something that irritates us or that we would like done differently. The most important part of that I'd say falls into two pieces of advice. 1) Make sure you're BOTH comfortable, so talk about it in an environment where you both feel safe, use language that is gentle but still conveys the seriousness of the conversation, and ALWAYS abort if he shuts down. 2) Possibly most important, be sure that whatever he says or whatever his feelings are, you respond calmly, understandingly, and validate it even if you disagree. Remember, feelings are never wrong and no one can control them. This applies to everything, especially before you actually start talking about feelings. Guys need to feel safe and understood before we open up, but when we do it gets deep.

Good luck, you got this!

Connor - 19yo - level 14 -
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5 months ago

Start small, dont pressure him with to much at once. Start with basic, simple, conversation and slowly get into deeper discussions. Give him time

Ronnie - 37yo - level 26 -
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5 months ago

Tell him how important it is for you to show emotional, soft or even feminine part of personality or character in man.

Marcin - level 33 -
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5 months ago

Sit down with him and explain why you need to hear these things from him.

Travis - 49yo - level 41 -
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5 months ago

If he's not the mushy / emotional kind of person then I'd say you would not only have to learn that from him but it would have to be something he sees as getting emotional over. Everybody has things that are important to them and or that they have strong feelings towards. Find out what those things are for him

Michael - 23yo - level 9 -
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5 months ago

He needs to feel completely, 100% comfortable. That means if he has ever shared anything and felt laughed at, humiliated, or belittled, he may never open up again. If he feels like those are even remote possibilities, it will take a lot to get him to share.

Damion - 26yo - level 29 -
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5 months ago

Alchohol can sometimes work, just be prepared that what he says might not be the response you were expecting. Start drinking and ask the questions a couple of times over the course of the night and keep the mood light and romantic but no sex till questions are answered.

Curtis - 31yo - level 33 -
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5 months ago

You need to encourage him by letting him know how sexy it is if he shares deep feelings. Then when he does reward him with something GOOD! I'm a guy and that would work.

Paul Anderson - 32yo - level 46 -
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