21 - 871 - 10 months ago

My partner and I are having a lot of money problem. I make 20% of what he makes, we live together and just celebrate our 1st year anniversary. I love him and sure he loves me but when it's come to money... I always get out of hurt of each conve

Madgscherly - 26yo - level 36

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9 months ago

Time to create a budget or have a budget conversation.
I am curious to know what was the talk about living arrangement before you moved in? If there wasn't one, create it.
Advise your significant other what does he see as gender roles in the relationship. This should open the door to discuss money & mgmt. Also open & share income vs bills. Are you all sharing an account? If not, it may be easier to review your accounts (bank statement) to analyze where the bulk of money spent. This should also open talks about the amount you both bring home.
Good luck!

Estella - 46yo - level 14 -
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9 months ago

Money can be a tough point in any relationship especially when money is tight. A budget is a good idea, I also suggest sitting down and letting him know about the hurt you feel and ask him what he would like to see from you when it comes to finances. Then find a compromise you both are happy with.

Heather - 36yo - level 7 -
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9 months ago

I think it’s important for individuals in relationships to have their own money for their own needs. Do you split expenses in half or based on your income? Myself and many people I know split expenses based on how much each person makes. If he makes 80% more than you, then I would consider splitting shared expenses 80/20, relative to your incomes. If you would want to talk to your partner about it and he is not very receptive, use an easy example like this: Say you had $20, he had $80 and you had a $10 expense to share. Splitting it 50/50, it would take 1/4th of your money vs 1/16th of his, and personally I don’t think that’s very equal at all.

Kendall - 21yo - level 8 -
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9 months ago

Given that you’re both working hard, you’re equals. so if rent is 1000 dollars, you pay 200 and he pays 800. You’re using the same amount of your monthly income to pay for things. That’s fair.

Sarah - 26yo - level 8 -
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9 months ago

Sit him down and just be honest. If he's not respective of what you have to say; maybe you should look deeper into the relationship.

Ms. Robinson - 45yo - level 19 -
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9 months ago

Only because you love each other does not mean you two can't have different financial capacities.

You said that you make 20% of what he makes, then the question is that 20% you make sufficient for you to maintain your basic needs? Since you two live together then, another question is who covers the rent? Do you two share 50/50? Or is he willing to take care most of it? Either way, you should have this conversation with your partner, finding out how comfortable you two are with the current money situation.

I'm sure your partner is more than happy to support you financially, even for nothing but just to make you happy. However, you should consider what you can do to show that you appreciate his support. Honestly, to have a clear conversation about money is probably the most important thing you two should do. Just to share how each other feel about the problem.

Heng - level 8 -
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8 months ago

I thank all of you for the advice. I will send this link to him

Madgscherly - 26yo - level 36 -
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9 months ago

Open communication. Your worth in the relationship and his, shouldn’t depend on income. However, if it’s a matter of being unable to pay bills or an uneven distribute of power, then you two need to sit down and talk about those issues which are compounding the money problem.

Anastasia - 25yo - level 11 -
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9 months ago

Nothing can be done to equal. Man should get her a better job. His power will be too great. Slow his actions. Get her positioned comfortably.

Steve - 35yo - level 9 -
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9 months ago

Money has no business or place in a relationship. Any of you who make it a part have no business having a partner. If you cant keep money out of your love life then you don't deserve to have one.

Ryan - 35yo - level 40 -
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9 months ago

As others have mentioned, trying to agree on a budget would be helpful; however, do not open any joint accounts even a credit card without being married. You dint want to end uo being saddled with debt or bad financial choices if there is no legal contract and full commitment to the relationship.
It is not easy to work out financial issues within marriage at times, even when there is a lifetime commitment expected (at least that should be the attitude). It often takes a few years to work it all out.

Jim - 44yo - level 19 -
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9 months ago

Oh, is fine. The thing is does your partner finds it problem? If not then I think it's okay. After all, you are doing your best. ❤

Yesui - 21yo - level 13 -
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9 months ago

Same thing happened with my wife and I but I was making a lot less. The thing that helped us the most was paying attention to where our money was coming and going. Try not to blame yourself either. It’s easy to feel less than because of this but money is no indication of your self worth.

Chris - level 1 -
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9 months ago

My wife and I share money what's mine is hers and vice versa

Robert - 26yo - level 2 -
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9 months ago

Keep joint bank account. What's yours is mine and vice versa.

Amanda - 37yo - level 14 -
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9 months ago

Sit down and make out a budget together

Holly - 40yo - level 11 -
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9 months ago

So if he was the bread winner; "THE PROVIDER" as societyii and religious doctrine has created to be the make-up for Masculinityii would this still be an issue. Would you be upset at yourself for allowing him to always xome out with the short end of the stick?

iAMShakespeare - 35yo - level 22 -
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9 months ago

I suggest discussing a budget. I agree with everyone who has said to split your expenses based on the percentage of your total income. I also would say if you have individual debt that you need to take care of and he does as well that should be deducted from your expenses prior. For example, my boyfriend and I make about the same; however, I have student loans and he doesn’t so even though we make the same that gets subtracted from my total income and he pays a little more than me. I would do the same with any car loans or individual credit card debt.

Elyse - 26yo - level 30 -
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9 months ago

Have creating ways to show a person you love them and it's the effort.

Chantel - 42yo - level 6 -
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9 months ago

Ideally I'd like a little more context, but I think defining a budget is the best way forward.

Heather - 27yo - level 35 -
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9 months ago

It should be roughly 50/50 input. Should be discussed no doubt, but if the more financially savvy one says it won’t work the that should be given some major weight.

William - 46yo - level 23 -
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