57 - 1153 - 3 months ago

Should you have sex with your partner even if you aren't in the mood but be/she is?

Amanda - 45yo - level 19

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2 months ago

No. If my wife wasnt in the mood I wouldn't want her to feel like she needs to have sex with me. That's not a wifes responsibility. No one is owed sex.

Gary - 29yo - level 1 -
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3 months ago

Thanks for answering my question. My husband and I have always been honest with each other about sex. I remember one of the first things he told me was that if I'm just doing it to for him, or just to please him, he'd rather wait for another day. The last thing he wanted was to think I was doing it just because he wanted it.
On the other hand, there are times when I'm not really in the mood (or I don't think I am), but it's just because I'm tired, etc. There are times when I’ve said yes to sex when I wasn't really feeling it, but then as soon as we start kissing or making out, I'm so glad he did and it's suddenly game on!
I even told him that the next time I say I'm tired at the end of the day, etc. I want him to try kissing me anyway because sometimes I just need a push to get into it. Of course, he has refused, despite the fact that I know we'd have a lot more sex than we do.

Amanda - 45yo - level 19 -
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2 months ago

Your husband sounds like a gentleman. Bless you both!

Tee - level 5 -
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2 months ago

If there is safety in the relationship, being intimate and serving on your spouse can be beneficial. I find I can almost always get in the mood after we've started anyway so it almost always brings us closer together.

That being said, if there is a lack of safety in the relationship, be it emotional or physical, it's important to honor your own emotions and not do something to you don't feel safe doing. I've found when I chose to be intimate because I thought it was the right thing to do but I wasn't comfortable with it, it always hurt our relationship more in the long run than if I had just said no initially

Charlynn - 27yo - level 37 -
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3 months ago

Well, I would rather she be in the mood. I want more than just her body in the moment. I need to connect emotionally and physically during sex. I Really want that with the woman I am married to. If she is too busy or preoccupied to show some real attention AND intention, I’d rather we not do it. Just saying to me “I will never deny you” is not the same as saying to me “I want you, I need you, I desire you.” Pity sex is shitty sex.

Cordell - 40yo - level 18 -
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2 months ago

I couldn’t agree more!! I feel the same way’. Although I’ve never said no to m hubby, in 10 years, unless I was sick or had a migraine. Not out of a sense of obligation, but out of desire for him! I never do not want to have him! Except for 1st thing on the morning, I must admit! I’m not a morning person... for. ANYTHING!! I’m a total bitch until I’ve had 2 cups of coffee.. lol’ ( I hate that! I wanna be better at that but I just can’t! I’ve tried sooo hard!) But he also doesn’t ask or try during those times! But he has told me no! I feel rejected then! ( emotionally) I know, it’s stupid! But I’d rather have no sex than, what I call a charity fuck! But I think I feel so strongly at those moments, because I’m wanting to make love, not fuck! I’m needing that true emotional plug in. Make sense? I sure hope so!

Deanna - 47yo - level 15 -
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2 months ago

No. If you do not want to have sex, you shouldn't force yourself. It could create negative feelings associated with the activity that could make it more difficult to get in the mood at other times. This is especially true if your partner is pressuring you or trying to make you feel guilty for not wanting to.

Danielle - 23yo - level 21 -
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2 months ago

Should is a funny word. But in general, yes. There are many times you should do things you don’t want for your partner and vice versa. That’s the partnership. Sometimes you won’t and that’s fine but some of the time you should do it for them just like anything else in the relationship you may not “feel” like doing. Not supporting their sexual needs isn’t healthy so there should be a balance between both partners.’ Needs.

Ebony - 33yo - level 6 -
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2 months ago

Sometimes Sweet persuasion is mood changing & other times not so much. Depends if it's a grey situation or black & white. Black & White..Nope. Grey...talk with me Sweetie 😉😉😘

Mary - level 17 -
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2 months ago

No if it is not comfortable for
ME or I’m not in the mood that means I wont enjoy it

Georgios - 21yo - level 12 -
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2 months ago

No, sex should be enjoyable for both sides. If you don't want to at the moment you should say no.

Sara - 21yo - level 45 -
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2 months ago

Yes, within reason. If your partner is emotionally or physically abusive and sex makes you feel worse, obviously having sex just for them is not the greatest plan. However, if you are in a monogamous relationship and one of you has a higher sex drive, you both need to learn to compromise and figure out what works for both of you. If one of you wants to have sex three times a day and the other wants to have sex once a month, it’s not fair to just have sex once a month. Everything else in a relationship is a compromise. I don’t know why people think sex shouldn’t be. Also, oral sex is something you can do to show your partner you care even when you don’t particularly feel like having sex yourself. Bottom line: don’t be selfish. Sex is a relationship need just like communication, non-sexual touch, and quality time. If you are constantly refusing sex to your partner, maybe you should ask yourself how you would feel if you partner stopped meeting the relationship needs that are important to you. A relationship goes both ways.

Laci - 33yo - level 19 -
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2 months ago

I say do what feels right.

Kate - 24yo - level 17 -
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2 months ago

Yes...its a give and take. You won't always be in the mood at the same time. This goes both ways if you want sex and he isn't in the mood he should also put your needs first. Its about putting the needs of your partner before your own.

Emily - 35yo - level 7 -
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2 months ago

No. I want my partner and me to feel at comfortable and wanting to have sex too. It is so much better when the feeling is mutual.

If this mutual craving is never happening there might be deeper problems or insecurities in this case it would be really good to have a talk about what's bothering you or your partner and try to resolve it :)

Yuri - 27yo - level 32 -
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2 months ago

This is a very common issue with a ton of couples, including me and my husband. We are both currently reading Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski, a sex researcher/educator and I HIGHLY recommend it. There are some kind of uncomfortable parts but it has really helped me/my husband understand our attitudes, perceptions, feelings, etc. toward sex. Good luck! 😊

Kimberly - 45yo - level 39 -
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2 months ago

Quick answer is yes. You should also workout when you don't feel like it and take the trash out when you don't feel like it.

Pete - 44yo - level 39 -
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2 months ago

So you think sex should be treated as a chore?

Tee - level 5 -
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2 months ago

In this social climate of course not.

Fred - 40yo - level 32 -
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2 months ago

Yes if it's been awhile

Josh - 35yo - level 1 -
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2 months ago

Most definitely. If you meet each other's needs then you know if cheating goes on they just wanted to cheat. It's their character not circumstances.

tonya - level 14 -
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2 months ago

No if they truly love you they can understand

Jonathan - 30yo - level 6 -
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2 months ago

How about if you are truly attracted to them you at keast give them a chance to turn you on and not deny and reject any kind of interaction all together

Tobi - 40yo - level 11 -
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3 months ago

As long as you give it willingly and not resentful.

Spencer - 37yo - level 42 -
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1 month ago

NO! That borders on nonconsensual n toxic. If you don't want to have sex, DON'T HAVE SEX. Other people have said it on here: you never OWE anyone sex.

Mari - level 8 -
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1 month ago

Yes, make it fun though! Sexy lady or......sleeping & surprise! U are rolled over pretending ur sleeping so that works for u both! Don't get in a rut w that though, same as anything. Surprise day sex when ur not tired like night. Quickie in the bathroom or closet, whenever. My point w those are just mix it up in general so maybe they don't want it

Joy - 45yo - level 1 -
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2 months ago

If you think you could get in the mood sure. BUT, sex is supposed to be enjoyable for both of you. So, in all reality no one should be disappointed if sex is denied. If saying no makes people mad... that's bad and MUST be addressed. No means no, even when married. If they still force upon you, that is still rape. If taken to court, it will be treated as rape.

Craig - 22yo - level 17 -
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2 months ago

Of course you should because once it starts it's hard to resist.

Leonardo - 44yo - level 6 -
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2 months ago

I agree, if there’s a lot of kissing and foreplay involved. That may give the other person time to get in the mood. But if it doesn’t, it’s stoll no. There’s always other ways to assist in your partners satisfaction. Oral sex is one. Assist in masterbation ( many times those things will get the other partner in the mood real quick)! Bu neither partner should be selfish!

Deanna - 47yo - level 15 -
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2 months ago

No, if you don’t want, you don’t want. I mean it wouldn’t be nice for you if you wanted but he/she didn’t, right?

Luiza - 25yo - level 43 -
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2 months ago

Yes. Maybe it will help my mood!

Stephanie - 51yo - level 37 -
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2 months ago

That's a tough one. Especially if one partner has any kind of traumatic sexual history. If both partners can discuss it openly, and I mean openly and truthfully, then they may be able to reach a compromise. There are people that want to please their partner but may not be able to bring themselves to a higher libido if they have been exposed to sexual trauma. I personally believe it comes down to meeting the needs of both partners. I think we have to be ok at times saying that we do things for each other that we may not necessarily want to do, not because we're being forced but because we love and care for one another and realize that we're different people that need or want different things. I have found the perfect partner to actually experience this with. Any issues that have arisen, we've hashed it out sometimes through tears and hurt feelings, but we've always been able to compromise and recognize that respect and open communication go a long way into making anything manageable. I would 100 percent agree though, that one partner should never force the other to do anything they don't want to do. Even if someone has to say stop, it's not working today, we'll try tomorrow, without that it's sexual assault. THAT is never ok.

Steve - 37yo - level 45 -
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2 months ago

Ya know, Steve, I come from a very long history of horrible sexual trauma! I also had a bad track record with men and sex, as well. I’d have flash backs during sex! I’d feel unsafe and afraid! I’d feel used and God forbid it got just a tiny bit rough! I’d flip the fuck out!!! Even if I imagined certain desires in my mind, I couldn’t act them out in reality because it terrified me once it happened! But I’m telling you now that when you find “ your person “, those things start to fade! My husband treated me like a china doll, at first! He was so afraid to do or even tell me certain things! He didn’t want to hurt me or cause me emotional pain or more trauma. Which made me love him even more! But I found myself wanting even needing to explore a side of myself I’d not been able to before, because of all that trauma. ( which started at the age of 2 yrs old. I met my hubby at 37) . It took a while for him to trust it, but 10 yrs later, we’re doing things I would never have imagined were possible! Not just for me, but things I didn’t even know existed... lol Turns out, we are quite freaky! Point being, with the righ person, trauma or not, with your soulmate, all things are possible!! I love everything we do, especially when I take full control of the situation. That’s a wonderful option! And very fun. There’s always a way to support and assist a partner that’s neen through hell and back. It takes effort, imagination, support, and commitment. Just like in every other aspect of the relationship. This is just one of the chapters.

Deanna - 47yo - level 15 -
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2 months ago

No, good sex is a two way street. If you aren’t into it, then your partner should respect that.

Kandy - 32yo - level 28 -
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2 months ago

Absolutely! Because if you dont, someone else will...

Courtney - 42yo - level 12 -
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2 months ago

No. Or the partner can attend to get you in the mood.

Jade - 37yo - level 13 -
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2 months ago

If you are not feeling like it, just don't. Explain it to your partner and if you are in a relationship where you respect each other, your partner would understand it. We all have these intercourses where we do not feel 100% in it, thinking about something else, or where we would just rather be doing something else or sleeping, but because we want to please our partner we go along, and it's not okay. Both of you should be enjoying it and consent is crucial.

Mona - 26yo - level 24 -
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2 months ago

No. The sex is better when both parties are in the mood rather than just one.

Solina - 24yo - level 23 -
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2 months ago

Yes because u should never reject your partner. You want them to no you desire them and care about there needs as much as your own. That's what loving someone is about fulling each other's needs even if you aren't interested however there are certain circumstances where it's ok like when your sick

Monique - 31yo - level 22 -
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2 months ago

No u should never reject your partner. You want them to no you desire them and care about there needs as much as your own however there are certain circumstances where it's ok like when your sick

Monique - 31yo - level 22 -
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2 months ago

Depends on how he treats u. If he is good To you then yes. U should try and see if u get in mood.

Jennifer - 39yo - level 3 -
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2 months ago

The older you get, the more tired you are, and the more excuses you have not to do it. Sometimes just do it anyway, unless you realllly aren’t feeling anything, but that’s a passion you don’t wanna lose before it’s past the point of no return. Love and sex is a huge part of relationships and is a sacred thing between two people within a marriage (well supposed to be)

Garrett - 25yo - level 27 -
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2 months ago

If it's a big deal to him then yeah... I'll probably get in the mood during it anyway... Lol

Leah - 40yo - level 10 -
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2 months ago

No.

Yesui - 21yo - level 12 -
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2 months ago

Sure. I would expect the same from him as well.

Amber - 47yo - level 3 -
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2 months ago

Unless I am feeling unwell, I would 100 percent do it. Even if I am not in the mood, it excites me and makes me happy knowing that I am satisfying her needs. Much like giving her massages--it does not pleasure or relieve my fingers in any way, but I get satisfaction out of relieving her. And I hope she reciprocates. I think its great being selfless towarda each other.

Sampson - 29yo - level 9 -
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2 months ago

I would say sometimes yes u should

Alyssa - 30yo - level 10 -
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2 months ago

Yes, even spouses don't want to be rejected.

Estella - 46yo - level 13 -
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2 months ago

It depends. I would say yes for the most part. My partner has shut me down numerous times because she isn't in the mood. I however have always had sex when she wanted to. Granted, I'm hornier than she is and I initiate it more often so I understand where she's coming from. I just always want to please her. I know she wants to please me too, but its different when I'm coming at her pretty much daily. I'll put it like this: if you have a healthy sex life, then it's ok to refuse sometimes. If you're barely ever in the mood and your partner is always left wanting, you better get your ass in the mood.. make or female.

Drew - level 14 -
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2 months ago

Male* or female

Drew - level 14 -
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2 months ago

If she is barely in the mood, the problem is not sexual motivation but the lack of it stemming from a deeper rooted disconnect that needs to be resolved. If it's a disrespectful relationship, she wouldn't be able to feel close to him, forget about agreeing to have sex with him.

Tee - level 5 -
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2 months ago

No

Joshua - 31yo - level 19 -
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2 months ago

Sometimes

Dawn - 40yo - level 4 -
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2 months ago

I'm going to say yes. So long as it isn't forced.

Melissa - 36yo - level 10 -
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2 months ago

No, you should say no if you dont want to

Purwa - 20yo - level 7 -
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2 months ago

I think both should be in the mood so that both can enjoy it together I am also sure they will understand

Michelle - 40yo - level 18 -
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2 months ago

I have lots of times, just to make him happy, and he was grateful but couldn't enjoy it for he could feel I wasn't into it that much. Most of the times he canceled. He needs me to want it too to.

Toto - 20yo - level 1 -
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2 months ago

Edit: I think nobody SHOULD. Never should anybody do something they don't want to, especially something as intimate as sex. I chose to, nobody forced me.

Toto - 20yo - level 1 -
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2 months ago

Sometimes if ur not too out of the mood, yes. If you are really, maybe you could just give your partner a hand so to speak 🤣, or just give them “permission” (in a loving way) to handle their own business 😉😉 can be enough to make everyone happy.

William - 46yo - level 22 -
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2 months ago

Are really *not in the mood

William - 46yo - level 22 -
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2 months ago

Of course. Its not alwaya about you.

Shane - 32yo - level 2 -
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2 months ago

You can say that about the other person as well, so about whom is it then?
Nobody should force their partner to do anything, just as well as the other person should be understanding of their partner's wishes.

Toto - 20yo - level 1 -
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2 months ago

As I agree, I can see it from both sides. I have, when we don’t have time for all the foreplay, etc ( it takes me a lil while), like if he has to leave for work in 20 minutes and he’s walking around with a huge stiffy lol...offered him a quicky! He rejects the idea right away! But I insist, while kissing him, lovingly and explain that I love him so much and ask what is so horrible about me giving to him once in a while? It’s not always about me! If I feel like doing something for him out of love, I should be allowed to do that! Now shut up and bend me over! Or shut up and put it in my mouth! And I know it makes him feel so loved and excited! This is different than being hounded for it when ya don’t want it! This is a loving act for the person you love!

Deanna - 47yo - level 15 -
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2 months ago

Nope

Zeyana - 25yo - level 9 -
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2 months ago

If hes in the mood it puts me in the mood

Beth - 33yo - level 12 -
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2 months ago

No

Courtney - 29yo - level 23 -
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3 months ago

It depends. I rather us mutually want each other.

Camillia - 26yo - level 3 -
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3 months ago

It depends if you are really really not in the mood, not just slightly not in the mood. But either way, you should try to talk about what's on your mind with your partner, and vice versa.

Woody - level 1 -
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