3 - 365 - 10 months ago

My bf and I were just friends at 1st. Then I grew attracted to him, dumped my bf, and confessed to him. His gf had been egging him on to find a 2nd partner... ME. He'd been worrying over this/its authenticity for the longest, but upon my confession, he felt like letting me get close to him- in secret. Tho, eventually, his gf forced him to break up with her b/c she felt in the way... I was relieved. I'd wanted him for myself, and now I had him... FF 2 years: after 2 breakups and a break, we have dealt w/ a lot of issues AND me bettering myself... and seemed to be well. Yesterday however marked our third break up, and it's b/c HE now feels like HE has to become a better person. Not just b/c he is torn about his morals (w/ the polyamorous beginnings) but b/c he feels he isn't good for me. He wanted to break up and to get therapy just like I've been doing... but... will that be enough to salvage our relationship? We care deeply for each other but... should this be it? We've endured lots...

Maddie - 22yo - level 14

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10 months ago

You can care deeply for each other without really loving each other. Maybe you just have to let it run its course till you two figure out what love is for you.

Woody - level 1 -
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1 month ago

I actually forgot I wrote this question. I feel sort of disappointed and worrisome now that I read the messages back. But, well, all we have been doing is working on ourselves. I've become more patient and trying my damndest to give him my best, and he tries to do the same for me. We are still young so we have our issues still but overall it hasn't escalated to anything in a while. There's no more talk of breaking up. No more talk of not being a right fit. Just us doing our best. I think neither of us think there's anything to go but up in our future. I've got college and other friends outside our shared friends now so I'm slowly learning who I am outside of us. And he's just focusing on saving money, getting a car, and having a good time with me until he can get back to his own education. I'm not seeing any wedding bells yet, but I would say we are sort of at a good level. It seems steady. My trauma has finally shown itself and I am now aware what I need is psychiatric help for my own issues. I have trauma that needs to be dealt with. So far I don't feel I am going to get bored or tired or out of love with this man and I'm happy I feel more confident in and unafraid of him having his own life and agenda. 3 years ago I wouldn't say the same. Or I wouldn't believe in my own words. But now I know that I'm confident. I just over think a lot, and I'm trying to get over that too. Cycling thoughts, and whatnot.

Maddie - 22yo - level 14 -
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10 months ago

How about you sit down with your partner and discuss it with them, in or out of therapy?

You know eachother better than any of us do, so you should figure it out together. But honestly, at 21 and with how your wrote all that out, it seems immature and like you should part ways and mature a bit (both of you)

Kailey - 22yo - level 43 -
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1 month ago

I feel the same way. I had forgotten about this message, and it kind of seems a while ago. I have a lot more problems on my plate that have been preoccupying my thoughts but standing back and taking a look, there's a lot we have settled with ourselves. I'm having my own life now outside of him and our shared friends, I'm being communicative and understanding, I'm not letting him just carry all the workload himself. He is being as communicative as he can be. He has issues with this still but it doesn't seem to get in the way anymore since I take the initiative when he has waited a bit too long. I cry when I need to now, I tell him when I want space, he does the same. I let him know he's valued as often as I can, he does the same. He feels more positive and so do I. As long as it keeps going on like this, I have no complaints. I'm pretty content as is, and we are still using Happy Couple when we can now that we are both always busy.

Maddie - 22yo - level 14 -
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1 month ago

3rd breakup? Time to love yourself enough to let it be.

Misty - 41yo - level 3 -
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