24 - 464 - 9 months ago

Why is it ok for me to encourage girl time for her which I might add she isn't to fond of anyways, but when I suggest I guys night she acts absolutely ludicrous? She claims she trust me 100%, but yet throws a fit when all I want to do is maintain my 20 plus year friendships with my buddies? Doesn't sound too trustworthy to me, anyone else agree or disagree?

Daniel - 31yo - level 29

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9 months ago

I think this is something that a lot of us guys deal with and that there are many, factors that go into why this happens. When you do go out with you friends what do you do? Hang out and watch the game, chill at their house, go to the bar? Then how crazy does it usually get? Pretty tame, or do you come home decently drunk or pretty smashed? Do you go to the bar and did you originally meet her at the bar? Cause maybe she sees going to the bar as a meeting of strangers who develop relationships kind of place rather than a place to just have fun.

Does she have trust issues from her past? Do you ever involve her in your guy time? Does she know your friends? Does she trust those friends?

I think a real conversation about how this is a concern for you maybe in order. One that’s starts off calm and not while this issue is happening when emotions might be running high. Or even a hand written letter where ideas and words can be carefully thought out and articulated well.

If handled well, this could be great place for your relationship to develop and grow in the right direction that is beneficial for both of you.

I hope this helps!

Chuck - 35yo - level 8 -
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9 months ago

It's not fair to you that you receive such treatment from your lady in regards to hanging out with your friends. I would say explain to her your need to kick it with them and every blue moon invite her out with them(I know it defeats the purpose but perhaps it may alleviate some of her worries.) I understand it seems as if she doesn't trust you. Although it doesn't make it right, perhaps she has a reason for her reaction.

anonymous - 27yo - level 11 -
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9 months ago

Women don't like their partners hanging out with the guys unless the other guys are as committed in relationships as they are. Just a female perspective. I dont mind I'd my husband goes out with guy friends but there are a few I would not be happy about him going out with. ( the cheater ones)

Pamela - 30yo - level 32 -
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9 months ago

Agree. Something is up

Nicole - 23yo - level 13 -
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9 months ago

I think it has less to do with trust and more to do with priorities. As you say, she does not care for a girls night out, she would rather be with you... so the way she probably sees it, why don’t you feel the same?!?! Make sure you show her she is your priority. Text her you are thinking about her when you are out with the guys. Make you you plan something for just you two. Show her she is first and foremost, don’t just tell her.

Brian - 46yo - level 31 -
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9 months ago

I suggest asking her what her insecurities about this topic are, chances are she's not certain herself why she acts like this and talking it out may help her realize there's no need to worry or oppose this.

Eva - 24yo - level 12 -
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9 months ago

I think she is a bit scared that there will be something going on when you are chilling with your friends. There should be people around that might be an attemption.
But she should be really trust you 100% and not 99%. I think it's all about trust. When this goes often then the relation is also not stable enough... It might can be broken...... Good luck

Jen - 27yo - level 29 -
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9 months ago

She is insecure. She thinks that you don’t tell her enough things and don’t treat her as a best friend. She’s afraid that you don’t think about her often. She needs to be reassured, and you two need to communicate better. You both need to be satisfied by your love languages. Why don’t you introduce your lady to your friends, to show that you are proud of her and you are proud of your friends. In healthy relationships, she LOVES you. And YOU are the culmination of your best friends’ good influence. If you are good fits for each other, she and your friends would get along fine. Explain that you are just doing your responsibilities as a friend, and you’re sure that she would like her friends to act as kindly to her.

Rebecca - 24yo - level 15 -
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9 months ago

Insecurity rising from the relationship with in. Like others have said, it’s most probably not that she doesn’t like you having a good time but that she may think you are having more fun with them compared to how much fun ur having with her.

A woman wants to be number 1 priority.. and naturally if there’s things she thinks could be improved in the relationship(quality time) then she expects you to work on that before anything else like spending time away from her (with your friends).

Ayronezgf - 30yo - level 8 -
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9 months ago

Sounds like she is insecure. You should have a talk with her to find out why.

Benjamin - 43yo - level 28 -
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9 months ago

Something else is going on. Either other trust issues exist, she doesn’t feel you’re intentionally carving out time for her, or she is lonely herself. I like my husband spending time w his guys, and I like spending time w my girls. If a proposed poker night has me feeling annoyed, I know I either haven’t spent quality time w him or I haven’t carved out time for myself and/or my gals.

Morgan - 31yo - level 14 -
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9 months ago

I suspect something else is going on - she’s probably upset about something else (does she feel like you carve out intentional time for her, as an example? Does she feel isolated?) i like my husband having time with his guys and I like having time with my girls. If a proposed poker night bothers me, I know it’s not about poker- we’ve either not spent intentional time together recently or I haven’t properly carved out time for myself or my girlfriends and I’m just having fomo.

Morgan - 31yo - level 14 -
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9 months ago

She is up to something

Crystal - 43yo - level 5 -
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9 months ago

Because girls are naturally inclined to support relationships whereas guys especially as a group will encourage pushing the limit...not saying as every guy but generally speaking and that is what she is concerned about

Diana - 42yo - level 2 -
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9 months ago

She is immature and jealous. If she won’t let you be who you are then cut her loose.

Henry - 30yo - level 22 -
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9 months ago

Yeah, maybe something happened in her past? No idea. Sounds like she has trust issues.

Michael - 43yo - level 32 -
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9 months ago

Yeah, that's not fair or healthy. It is Important for of you to get either girl time (for her) or guy time (for you) you shouldn't have to give up your friends for a relationship. Been there done that and it isn't worth it.

Katie - 23yo - level 22 -
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9 months ago

It's unfair for her not to understand that she has her time away from you and you have her time away from her. Try explaining to her that the same way you trust her completely to go and have fun with her friends because she needs it from time to time, you need the same thing because your friendships are important.

Angela - 20yo - level 38 -
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9 months ago

She wants you all to herself

anonymous - 27yo - level 4 -
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9 months ago

Agree women live by the motto that most people were always told not to expect or definatly not live by. They all want to have there cake and eat it too. Or just don't think that they should treat you like they want to be treated

Larry - 41yo - level 32 -
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9 months ago

Tell her how important it is for you to have quality time with friends. If she doesn't see the importance of you having some alone time with your friends, then she may not be someone you want to be with. Everyone needs to have their individual time alone away from their partners. It's important.

Solina - 24yo - level 25 -
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9 months ago

If she isn't found of it she doesn't see the value in it. Express to her how you feel while remaining calm and if she still doesn't understand then just accept that she doesn't.

Ben - 32yo - level 45 -
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9 months ago

The opposite sex need to have time with friends to keep sanity

Warren - 41yo - level 15 -
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9 months ago

Just do your guy time while she does her girl time?

Shea - 24yo - level 33 -
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