38 - 2446 - 11 months ago

My Girlfriend has trust issues because of her past relationships and she is very possessive about me and I don't know why but after some days she would fight with me for no reason and it had already happened many times , sometimes I think she is doing it intensionally and other times I think it's because we are in a long distance relationship and haven't seen each other from months, I love her so much and the thought of getting separate from her brings tears in my eyes.Can anyone suggest something to help me out?

anonymous - 23yo - level 8

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11 months ago

Do something to either reduce or eliminate the distance and time apart. My wife is similar, with a lot of damage from stupid guys in her past. Consistency over a long span is the key. Your consistent reliability that she has seen has to out weigh the damage from the past before trust can truly be built up.

It is a long and frustrating battle, but it is worth it in the end, if you can keep faithful and patient. Trust me. ;)

Thomas - 34yo - level 32 -
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11 months ago

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Caroline - 36yo - level 7 -
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2 months ago


Sal - 62yo - level 5 -
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11 months ago

Don't assume she's trying to fight with you, assuming the worst in your partner stops you from trying to improve yourself.
Trust is earned and never assumed, so make efforts to minimise her fears, so communicate with her what you're going to be doing so no plans hit her from the blue and when talking to her about things that might kick up insecurity- parties, meetings, social interactions with women - tell it back to her like a diary so she feels like she's there.

Omar - 24yo - level 38 -
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3 months ago

With the same issue (myself) having trust issues because of past relationships, it's a girl thing. We hold onto so many bad things with no intentions to hurt anyone but unfortunately it happens. Text her every chance you get. Let her know you're always thinking about her. Or even a good morning & good night text. Send her a letter, a postcard, anything. It's the little things that matter MOST!!! Good luck to you & her! It's not easy but I wish you both the best!!

Stephanie - 31yo - level 1 -
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11 months ago

Respect her trust issues. She likely can’t help her trust issues and may need your help trusting completely again.
Turn on your gps locator on your phone, give her all the information she needs about your whereabouts etc...

You however, can’t fix her completely.. if she can’t learn to trust again on her own and with your understanding, she may need or want to see a professional.

Your relationship long distance or not is doomed if she can’t learn to trust again.

James - 42yo - level 1 -
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1 month ago

As a women who has trust issues too I have the same problem... Luckily we aren't too far from each other but I still only get to see him once a week (2 if I'm lucky) and everything is awesome when we are together but the minute he leaves I start thinking the worst.... Plus I have a real issue with thinking he might be snap chatting with other women... Because I know how we met and I know that he has many women on there... For me the way I feel better about things is proving it.... Because my mind will always wonder and think the worst if I don't know every detail.... It just how my mind works, probably because of things that have happened in the past. Also try video chatting and being on cam so she can see you more often... That's what we do, we are on a video site that lets us keep our computers and cameras on to see each other. If we didn't have that, id be miserable. Also mentioning how you were thinking about her earlier or talking about her to other people... That makes me feel good when he tells me how he was talking to his mom or coworkers about me and what we've done (not sexual stuff tho) or where we've gone. Hope it gets better.

Christina - 33yo - in a relationship for 1 year - Dating - level 12 -
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11 months ago

keep making her happy
It is fine if she fight with u she just love u there's alot of people who doesnt know how to talk when they miss someone

De - 16yo - level 6 -
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11 months ago

Just relax an breathe ask what you can do differently and try to approach the heater situation differently the next time! Love is complicated but anything worth fighting for is never going to come easy

Mike - 26yo - level 2 -
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1 month ago

Even i am in a long distance relationship and everything works perfect for me, as we are having wonderful trust for each other. So i recommend you to work that. Trust is the key to LDR.

Dona - 24yo - level 1 -
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1 month ago

Comolimenting and appreciating her by you, is one way that can make her feel important

Dona - 24yo - level 1 -
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1 month ago

If she can not trust, she is not ready for a relationship, whether long or short distance. I've taken almost 10 years to work on myself before dating again. She needs some counseling or time to get over this. I guarantee you, this is a matter of time before you explode. I'm speaking from experience.
I wish you the best.

Lee D - 46yo - level 10 -
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2 months ago

I'm that same way my issues are from childhood and when I have my what o call episodes it's either because of a trigger or because I feel like something has happened like he cheated or gonna end it and I need reassurance . And it's never intentional it's part of the PTSD

Nikki - 41yo - in a relationship for 10 years - Living together - 1 - Coon rapids,Mn, United States - level 19 -
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3 months ago

Try to meet her...
Sometimes, it's because she misses you so damn much..

I feel iritated / annoyed / simply feel angry when I miss my so.
We are in LDR too, try to see each other as often as you can. It helps..

Hana - 22yo - level 13 -
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4 months ago

It's just going to take time but if you keep asking her why don't you trust me it's going to make it worse.

Amber - 25yo - level 6 -
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8 months ago

I've experienced this. Continue to be trustworthy-never go back on your word. Big and small things. Put things in your calendar if you have to, like call gf at 8pm. This kind of consistency will set her at ease. I think that it would help if you share your calendar with her. Being transparent in this way helps a lot. When you are going out with friends, it would help to video chat with her for a few minutes and let all your friends say hi. Doing these things makes her feel included in all aspects of your life- and therefore you have nothing to hide. She will feel included and important. Be consistent with these things and Trust will build. Good luck ❤

Sara - level 21 -
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11 months ago

I may know how the both of you might be feeling like. Her: Constantly in deep thought of is this man going to do the same has the other. Even though they say there not going to do it.. It seems that there true colors show .
You: Asking yourself am i/ Or do I have what she need to break this intrust in man. Let alone me. Knowing your a Good person and knowledge that you both have been through some things. And Distance will put a strain on any relationship.
Yet even still all the advice we can give you. Only you know what your heart needs and Deserve.

A'Drian - 27yo - level 21 -
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11 months ago

You can't win the fight against the past relationships spirit. She has to win that fight. Maybe talk to her about who she is as a person today and how she became those person. Next ask what part you played in how she is behaving today as a person and what you can do differently.

Mike - level 33 -
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11 months ago

There is no medicine for suspicion. It is her mental barrier not yours and she has to overcome it. In a long term relationship trust is more important than love. You have to rethink if her behavior Continues

Amy - 34yo - level 44 -
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1 month ago

I so agree with you. I was in that type of relationship and couldn't hold it together anymore and let it go. She's the one with the issue. Some people are unable to do long distance relationship.

Lee D - 46yo - level 10 -
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11 months ago

Maybe the seemingly random fights are a result of her feeling vulnerable. Try to make it a point to message her regularly even if you can’t talk. Making sure she knows she’s on your mind might make her feel less insecure. If you are one of those guys who gets lost in his work, just set an alarm to remind yourself to send her a message. I imagine that will make a small dent in her insecurities each day. Over the long term, you’ll just have to be consistent and honest. She will eventually learn that you won’t break her into pieces. It just takes time.

Laci - 33yo - level 19 -
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11 months ago

My and husband and I had the same issue before we got married. Partially because there was a lot of prbekns with him cheating, but it all changed once we got married. He had been with a lot of people and I was the total opposite so it was intimidating. Maybe you two should find a way to come together and live closer.

Cilla - 31yo - level 43 -
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11 months ago

Every woman is different. I personally had a few very horrible pas relationships. Abusive and cheated on. As soon as I met my husband, all that emotion and pain went away. I trusted him and knew he was the one and was going to keep me safe.
For me, it’s never a good sign when someone is possessive. But if you think you can spend you life with this women, you need to reassure her you aren’t going anywhere and tell her you love her 100 times a day if you have to. Find more time to be together.

Nicole - 23yo - level 13 -
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11 months ago

Make sure you know how to relax and keep your mind peaceful, so you will be able to handle whatever you need to do.

Steve - 62yo - level 19 -
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11 months ago

First stop and think how she feels what are her triggers are you doing any of them its hard to trust when the trust has been broken being in a long distance relationship will not help because she cant see you so she dont know what your doing.

Erin - 35yo - level 9 -
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11 months ago

Just keep he updated on what you're up to..snapchat or text her when you go out and give her no reason to not trust you..if you go out to a bar just send a fee snaps of you and your friends and such

Ashton - 22yo - level 36 -
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11 months ago

I did the long distance with my fiancé for a year. We lived 1800 miles away and saw each other every 6 weeks. She also had trust issues from past relationships. A few things we did to reduce the distance was schedule date nights via FaceTime. Maybe we would cook the same meal and eat together or watch a movie together. This gave us a common experience together that we could discuss together it made the distance feel less.

Another thing I would suggest is discovering each other’s love language. There’s tests on the web you can take in about 5 minutes that will tell both of you how you receive love the most. Once you’ve identified the main two, you can focus on loving each other in ways that are most important to you.

For example: words of affirmation and quality time are my fiancé’s. Knowing this, I make sure to tell her daily affirming things like how much I love certain qualities about her personality or how much I appreciate certain things that she does for myself or others. For quality time with the distance, our FaceTime date nights made her feel that love.

If your partner’s love language is gifts try sending her flowers or sending her a massage gift certificate. Or order food to be delivered etc. something that says I’m thinking of you.

As the rest of the comments say communication is key. Ask her after an argument calmly how could we do this better next time. What do you need from me? Here’s what I need from you etc. Avoid “you” and “but” in arguments. Instead say “I feel” and “and”. Saying I love you “but” only makes things worse. The “but” voids what ever came before it. Saying I love you and I’m afraid for our future. Is an entirely different statement that should get a better reaction.

Jessica - 33yo - level 43 -
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11 months ago

Hear her out. Don’t raise your voice back. Stay calm. If you match her level of anger it’s just going to gas light her. So listen to what she’s feeling or has to say or is upset about, repeat it back, and ask what you can do to fix it. It’s also easier to have an intense conversation when there is physical interaction w someone, it’s much easier to yell at a phone. I get the long distance, my boyfriend and I are doing it, and I’m just like your girlfriend about a lot of things. What I just explained helps me calm down and understand my boyfriend isn’t intentionally doing things to hurt me. And don’t forget to overuse “I love you”. In the right moments it can go a long way

Tori - 19yo - level 18 -
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11 months ago

She would need to find peace from her past and happiness in herself. Until she has those task accomplish, this will continue.

Nikki - 36yo - level 15 -
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1 month ago

Amen!

Lee D - 46yo - level 10 -
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11 months ago

Build up trust again its not easy for her, that for sure. Because trust is one of the important thing in relationship.
And i know how hard it is for you to make her believe you somehow. Actually she need you to make her believe that she can trust you.
I know its not an easy things to do, but you need to believe that everything will worth it at the end pf the day.

Simple thing to do is keep her an update abt what your activity, let her know abt what you gonna do. Always tell her how much you love her, through text or voice note.
Randomly text her what so special abt her that make you love her.
Also if needed, ask her what things that you can do for her to make her believe and trust you, at least you show her that you care abt her feeling.
Dealing with trust issues will never be easy, i've been there. Lot of patience but it will worth it.
Good luck !! 😊👌

Dewi - 25yo - level 25 -
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11 months ago

Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If there is no trust, there is no relationship. Move on my friend, you deserve better.

Kelyn - 57yo - level 46 -
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11 months ago

You spelled intentionally wrong

Alice - 17yo - level 12 -
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11 months ago

My boyfriend had a similar situation, what I did is that I never stopped reassuring him, and even if we didn't see each other for a while, I would keep him posted, but always with a subtle message of "trust me" or "I am not them" and telling him that I loved him often also helped, obviously, always being honest and when it came out of my heart.
He slowly began to trust me and we are very good together right now in that regard!

Nimsi - 23yo - level 22 -
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11 months ago

Some people, especially who have never had a healthy or stable relationship, tend to sabotage themselves when things are going really well. I know from experience. It is almost like they do not feel deserving or it is too good to be true. The frustration and fighting is more normal than harmony to them, and it is a struggle to accept what is good. Make sure to have very open communication, reassure her that you care and are always thinking of her. If she is not being open about everything and holding things in, it will build up into a big fight out of nowhere. The distamce makes that very hard. She will also take out her lonliness and longing on you without meaning to. But, do nkt worry - You are healing her heart every moment you are together and it will be a process, but eventually, your relationship will be the norm for her.

Mindy - 35yo - level 6 -
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11 months ago

Always reassure her and remember that it is not actually you she’s attacking but her own fears created by the actions of undeserving people. After time her worry and accusations should lessen if they do not you might want to look deeper into the issue

Amy - 38yo - level 18 -
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11 months ago

Make a compromise long distance is hard but as for someone similar to I guess her side. Idk if she freaks out for no reason usually there's an underlining issue that she's struggling to express it to you. Also show her there's no reason to feel insecurities and long distance makes it little harder but simple gestures that your thinking only of her

Monique - 31yo - level 22 -
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11 months ago

If she doesn't trust you, she doesn't trust you. Do all you can to help her feel comfortable but in the end it's on her to decide to trust or not. I hate seeing guys bend over backwards to "earn trust" from women who have been hurt by other guys. If she is dating you and you have never given her a reason to worry it's up to her. You are not responsible for her worry she is. Good luck.

Shanen - 38yo - level 46 -
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11 months ago

Gotta spend more time together my friend. She is obviously uncomfortable with the months apart. More physical and face time!

Natasha - 35yo - level 16 -
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11 months ago

If you are comfortable with it you could offer to use a gps locator app to ease her mind. My husband is very protective and he likes to know where I am. It works for us but it's probably not for everyone. We also have our kids on it. The one we use is Life360.

Lisa - 40yo - level 17 -
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11 months ago

She's probably feeling insecure, and possibly lonely. I doubt she means to fight with you!! Chances are she loves you more than anything, you are just her rock, or her sounding board, and you happen to get the blunt of the deal. Be patient, and stand by her. Don't push her away, or make her feel worse. If you don't try, you'll never know if it could have worked. People are quick to throw in the towel when life gets hard, but over the years, I've learned, that's when you need each other the most!!!

Shana - 41yo - level 5 -
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11 months ago

Move closer

Maci - 32yo - level 3 -
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