11 months ago
Apologize for your reaction. Explain that the reaction is because of a repeated breach of a boundary. Identify if there is a way to avoid this trigger in the future. If yes, great. If no, decide whether you can take action to remove yourself from the uncomfortable situation (for example, if he slurps his soup and there is ABSOLUTELY no way for him to compromise, decide whether you're willing to leave the room whenever he eats soup or if his slurping is a deal breaker). From there make a concerted effort together to move the conversation/day forward rather than sulking on the subject.
Monica - 32yo - level 16 -
Another tactic is to understand that your reaction in the moment is going to be reactionary, suck it up and remove yourself immediately. Take frantic, unadulterated notes in an app like Google Keep and have a more structured talk later on. Make sure to review your notes - fact check yourself - to make sure your feelings are still as intense and that your boundary is clear.
This way you will feel there is a conclusion/resolution and your resentment won't feel the need to come up. When they inch towards the boundary calmly and gently remind them where they're going.