64 - 948 - 1 year ago

How do you deal with controlling parents in your relationship?

Brianna - 25yo - level 41

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1 year ago

I try to keep in mind that the reason they want to be involved is because they care. They don’t have bad intentions. But in the end, my wife and I will make the final decisions. So, I appreciate their attempts to help. We’ll keep their opinions/suggestions in mind, when making our decisions.

Michael - 44yo - level 39 -
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1 year ago

Look at the reasonings in why or what the problem is

Cole - 25yo - level 33 -
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1 year ago

I told my mom that I am not going to let her decide on who I should be with or whom makes me happy. That if she wants to be apart of my life then she would have to accept that my fiance and I are extremely happy and I will not let her decide to tell me that it's him or family. Learn to love that he is the one that makes me feel like I'm worth the life I'm living

Barb - 29yo - level 6 -
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1 year ago

My parents dont meddle in my marital affair as long as im not threatened

Arree - 46yo - level 8 -
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1 year ago

They just care about me, i understand

Otilia - 24yo - level 20 -
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1 year ago

It's your relationship, not theirs. With that in mind, they have gone through their share of relationships. Try pulling out what they're trying to either teach you or make you think about. At the end of the day it's your call, but they're probably trying to make sure you've thought of every angle to make the right decision without making the same mistakes they feel they did.

Justin - 23yo - level 34 -
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1 year ago

It depends. If it's myin laws, I have my parents Duke it out with them.
If it's my parents, it will be a sit down discussion on boundaries on what is appropriate. They can ruin your relationship,

Broc - 29yo - level 34 -
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1 year ago

Keep them at arms length. Close enough to hear what they say, but far enough for them to have no control.

Tristan - 20yo - level 27 -
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1 year ago

I don’t deal with it. I don’t deal with it is because my wife and I live across the country from our parents. I think that as long as you and your significant other communicate about how you feel about the parents there shouldn’t be a problem. People should be understanding of people’s feelings. Also, I would say it depends on how they are controlling your relationship.

Jarett - 26yo - level 5 -
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1 year ago

We allow them to have their opinion but remind them that is our relationship and we'll do what we think is best for us.

Shanti - 30yo - level 24 -
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1 year ago

Keep them out of the relationship. If that doesn’t work have a forthright conversation with them about staying out of our relationship

Charley - 41yo - level 45 -
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1 year ago

Set clear boundaries

Jillian - 33yo - level 20 -
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1 year ago

Remember they love you and only want what's best for you. Listen to their advice but you don't have to do what they say. Talk to your significant other and decide what's best for you. It's up to you, not your parents.

Florence - 35yo - level 30 -
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1 year ago

I simply, don't. Hia relationship with his parent/s and him, and he and I's relationship can and do.stay separate. Its unfortunate but I'd rather be left out than deal with all the drama.

anonymous - 35yo - level 17 -
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1 year ago

mostky ignore it. I know they care.

Kim - 43yo - level 19 -
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1 year ago

I use the phrase "You might be right" or "I'll consider that" or "That's interesting, let me think about it". Lets people you know you listened and heard them but doesn't give them much room to keep pushing something.

Brenna - 35yo - level 35 -
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1 year ago

We both come from cultures where families are respected and wish to have a lot of say in marriages. Thankfully both of our families are a little more respectful to our needs than average. I admire that my partner always reassures me that my say is more important than his family's desires.

Nihal - 22yo - level 22 -
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1 year ago

I focus on our relationship and try to keep external forces from impacting it

Dj - 20yo - level 11 -
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1 year ago

Always put your marriage first. Read the book Boundaries by Townsend/Cloud and set and keep solid boundaries.

Charlynn - 27yo - level 37 -
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1 year ago

Listen to the advice. Take seome, leave some. Then do as you want.

- 35yo - level 43 -
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1 year ago

Kill them with kindness .......make it seem as though it's always going to ho there way but in the end it's whatever the two of you decide .

Rikki - 28yo - level 23 -
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1 year ago

Cold shoulder, ignore, skip calls

weaze - 41yo - level 30 -
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1 year ago

Live out of state

Autumn - 27yo - level 14 -
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1 year ago

We pretty much listen to what they have to say but ultimately it's all up to you if you want to take their advice

Israel - 37yo - level 25 -
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1 year ago

We pretty much listen to what they have to say but ultimately it's all up to you if you want to come take their advice

Israel - 37yo - level 25 -
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1 year ago

I do what they ask or tell within reason.

Henry - 30yo - level 22 -
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1 year ago

I do what they ask/tell within reason.

Henry - 30yo - level 22 -
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1 year ago

I don't have that problem

Clint - 42yo - level 37 -
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1 year ago

Don't have any.

Virginia - 35yo - level 40 -
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1 year ago

My husband finally told his mom to back off when she tried to take her frustrations out on our 1 year old who was simply fascinated with crushing crackers. Its necessary to have boundaries

anonymous - 26yo - level 28 -
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1 year ago

Ahh still trying to figure that out. I usually place distance when it becomes to much. Should communicate just really hard with my dad.

Crystal - 37yo - level 30 -
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1 year ago

No matter what, be yourself just with respect

Sandee - 45yo - level 39 -
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1 year ago

if its his parents then the bible says that the man should leave his parents and cling to his wife. meaning move away. if its her parents then its different

tim - 41yo - level 22 -
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1 year ago

This is something we are rarely going through right now. His parents haven't seemed to want to let go. They try to control the way we raise our kids and tries to favour 2 out of the 3 children as we are a blended family. They try to sneakily take the 2 but leave the one out. We act as a team throughout it all and have to have many many tasks all of which seem to be repeating but we are on the same page with they see all 3 or none at all.

Sarah - 33yo - level 5 -
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1 year ago

Prayer changes things

Derrick - 37yo - level 41 -
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1 year ago

Whom ever biological parents it is, needs to talk to their parents before it tears apart your relationship. Just know its not going to be one conversation or be fixed over night.

Tyrone - 39yo - level 45 -
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1 year ago

I would highly recommend learning to set healthy boundaries. It can be difficult and he/she may not like the boundaries but that doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong.

Trish - 34yo - level 47 -
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1 year ago

Sit them down and explain the boundaries.

Matt - 49yo - level 48 -
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1 year ago

I dont im grown if i want or need advice ill ask other then that this is our relationship and we got this

anonymous - 33yo - level 10 -
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1 year ago

Keep an open mind to what they are saying then explain that you have to do it your way

Brian - 54yo - level 26 -
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1 year ago

Ask them to back off and mind there own business

Jack - 36yo - level 26 -
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1 year ago

I will always listen and respect their opinion but me and my future husband make the decision in the end.

Elina - 20yo - level 35 -
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1 year ago

Get rid of them is the easiest way

David - 41yo - level 1 -
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1 year ago

I don’t have that problem, but if I did I think I wouldn’t tell them anything that is going on in MY relationship

Heather - 36yo - level 32 -
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1 year ago

My mother lives with us. She moved in with me 10 years ago. It's difficult, but she is realizing she doesn't have much say in my relationship or much else.

Gina - 40yo - level 29 -
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1 year ago

Whomever’s parents they are needs to tell them to back down, or cut them out.

Kristi - 41yo - level 14 -
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1 year ago

If you think they may dissaprove of something, they probably will and voice every concern under the moon, just keep them out of the loop sometimes

Patrick - 24yo - level 32 -
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1 year ago

My parents stay the hell out of my relationships. As along as I’m happy they shouldn’t care.

Ryan - 45yo - level 35 -
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1 year ago

Tell them to back off, you’re an adult!

Dan - 24yo - level 19 -
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1 year ago

I try not to tell them stuff.

Luiza - 25yo - level 43 -
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1 year ago

I wouldn't want to be with someone who let's their parents control them.

Sara - 28yo - level 28 -
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1 year ago

I would say that ithe first thing that always need to happen is that if you are unhappy with either your spouses parents or your own parents level of involvement in your relationship, then you need to let your spouse know. I know that my wife doesn’t like at least one of my parents and how involved they are, but she hasn’t talked to me about it at all.

One you and your partner talk about how you are each feeling then you can come up with a plan as to how to approach your parents. No matter how you feel the one thing that you need to remember is that this situation is no different than any other relationship, if you don’t feel as though the benefits are outweighing the hassles and issues, then you need to decide if it may be better to cut off that relationship. Also, if your controlling parent isn’t willing to sit down and have a meaningful and adult conversation with you about how you are feeling then you should probably work on cutting them out of any involvement in your relationship anyway.

Ben - 38yo - level 9 -
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1 year ago

At a certain point you have to lay down the law. This is your relationship not theirs. And although they love you and want what is best, meddling in your relationship is only going to make things worse. Stand up to them and stand by your spouse.

Luke - 33yo - level 22 -
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1 year ago

I'm not the one who let's parents be the controlling type in my relationship! I'm very outspoken when it comes to my fiance and family issues. I'm going to be the best judgement as I can be with my fiance

Charri - 45yo - level 19 -
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1 year ago

I will acknowledge their concerns and I will be polite but I'm going to walk away and do what I believe is the best way to handle the issues at hand

Charri - 45yo - level 19 -
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1 year ago

My mom is not controlling at all, but since we live together (she has health issues and so do I) we support each other and when I go out I always Vall her. My partner knows it and respect it. I'm a grown up adult with no kids, so she doesn't get involved in my relationship. Of course I introduced her to my partner slowly.

Bulma - 37yo - level 8 -
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1 year ago

*I always call her.

Bulma - 37yo - level 8 -
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1 year ago

Create boundaries

Yesenia - 36yo - level 44 -
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1 year ago

Stop giving them control over your thoughts and actions, and recognize it won't be the end of the world if they get mad at you; no matter what you think the worst case scenario is.

Mrs. Horváth IV - 34yo - level 36 -
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1 year ago

You move away, cut them off as much as possible, if you're financially independent you have an upper hand already. Communicate clearly that you refuse to see them until they change their attitude. No one's birthday nor Christmas/Easter are an excuse. And focus on living your own life. Maybe go to a therapist if you feel it might impact your children's lives (because they raised you after all) if you have any or want to have them. And if you are strong enough confront them about the issue but remember that what matters right now is you and you aren't obliged to make compromises on their behalf.

Dokueri - 23yo - level 24 -
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1 year ago

My mother tries to relive her youth though me and this has had a controlling and seeking approval effect on me. I look for approval from her of all my partners. I currently have a partner who is teaching me that it's OK to live my life with him (and on my own) on my terms. I listen to her, reply with I do hear you (not necessarily agree with her in my head though) and make non committal responses and then do what makes me happy and what I want. It is a difficult journey but doable!

Jasmine - 38yo - level 48 -
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1 year ago

You don't.. Lol

Boog - 31yo - level 20 -
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1 year ago

Having really strict African parents, they're controlling behavior has resulted in the almost destruction of my current relationship, and the termination of many before. They're not the kind yo easily let go of their possessiveness, no matter how much you talk to them so at the moment I'm just working towards leaving home so I can have my independence.

Lynnette - 22yo - level 4 -
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1 year ago

Being very clear with your parents works really well. Their control can stem from a lack of understanding. The better you help them understand your relationship the more likely they are to see how you two have it under control and won’t need to be such a looming force!

Allan - 21yo - level 14 -
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1 year ago

Let them know that we value their oppinion, but we will do what we feel is best

Joshua - 28yo - level 15 -
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