2 - 189 - 10 months ago

I love my wife and I adore my 3 amazing kids
I work hard to provide, do more than my share of domestics and still looking ok thanks to my heavy exercise regime

But the lack of sex is really starting to hurt. We have talked, I have tried everything and yet there is minimal effort on her end

I don’t want to cheat - but I feel I am missing out on a magic part of marriage and something that’s as important as oxygen

Mark - 47yo - level 9

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10 months ago

What I read from this is that you’re feeling like you look ok/ attractive because you exercise and do housework. She might not have the energy for sex because she is mentally exhausted? Look at it from her point of view; if she is working and being with the kids, helping with homework and driving them around for activities all week, she might feel like she need to top up her energy level again. And that might not be by you doing the laundry or cooking dinner. It might not be for her to get out of the house and be social with her friends. She might need some alone time, some time where she doesn’t need to do anything else than vege out on the couch with her phone and the tv on and not be around others. A weekend off without the kids and you might help her recharge.
After that complements and reassurances and daily touches (non sexual) might bring you two closer together and re kindle the spark. When the touch isn’t foreign and the hugs are frequent, sex isn’t far away.
Start with just small things, things that are something that you would think only teenagers do, kissing and making out without it having to lead somewhere. Doing just enough to make the interest bigger. Don’t rush things.
She might be feeling insecure in your desire for her, and not just sex. Desire and love are not the same thing. You choose to love someone unconditionally but desire has to be worked on.
If sex hurts it might make her resist it, and it might unconsciously take away the desire for intercourse. She might not have told you about it because she herself isn’t thinking about sex hurting. It just does. And therefore it’s not something she wants? The slow way to build desire and the connection between you two is my best recommendation. Show her you want her, not just for sex, but because she is who she is. Making her be comfortable and confident in her own skin and in return she might make you feel comfortable and confident in yourself which can help your sexlife a lot

Johanne - 28yo - level 38 -
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10 months ago

I am the one who always initiates sex and healmkst always isn't "in the mood" or he's tired from working all day. So, I feel rejected. He says he isn't rejecting me but rather it's the sex or the physical exertion. He does have a physically demanding job and I only work part time. And so I find myself waiting around for him to get home from work just so we can be together. But this only pushes him further away bcuz now I am getting "clingy."
I digress...
You know, your wife is probably exhausted after the day, bcuz 3 kids can be quite consuming. Maybe help her unwind with a bath or a massage after the kids are in bed. And maybe that can lead to some intimacy and possibly sex.

Kristin - 43yo - level 3 -
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9 months ago

Thank you - marriage is a journey. Deep down I think I give her more than she gives me. Maybe our sex appetites have changed and I have to deal with it. But ty for response

Mark - 47yo - level 9 -
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