80 - 1180 - 4 months ago

My girlfriend doesnt ever initiate sex, conversation, ideas, or pretty much anything couples would normally do anymore and hardly ever at all. To me that shows no interest in the relationship at all. What do i do?

Jeffrey - 39yo - level 1

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4 months ago

I've been married for 33 years and it's my husband who doesn't initiate sex or plan any trips or activities and he doesn't talk to me much either. I've talked to him about it many times over the years and he always says he will try but it never happens. He tells me he loves me and he has never cheated. It does feel like he doesn't care about our relationship. He's fine with us just being in the house together. I do love him so I just concede and do all the initiating and planning. I can get very resentful because of it. If you are young and don't have kids yet, I would suggest getting out of the relationship because it probably won't change and if you need her to be an active participant in the relationship and she just won't be, you will be resentful too.

Sherry - level 41 -
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4 months ago

Communicate your feelings to her without accusing and hear her side of the story. She might be going through something and mentally exhausted to do any of these. Express to her how it is affecting you and how you would appreciate her gestures.

Natasha - level 1 -
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4 months ago

Talk about it and let her know you need that from her. She could simply assume it doesn’t matter to you who initiates and that you initiate enough. Letting her know you really crave her initiating could be all it takes

Eddie - 41yo - level 47 -
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4 months ago

make her feel comfortable, and no matter what you love her

Quintana - 43yo - in a relationship for 12 years - Married - 2 - Ceres ca, United States - level 11 -
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4 months ago

Take charge and be the alpha you might not be able to persuade her over the phone but face to face you sweep her off her feet and be romantic. Make the moves and she will follow. If she does not respond to your gestures then there might be something you to really have to sit down and discuss communication is key.

Lorenzo - 30yo - level 21 -
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4 months ago

Get her in the mood by doing something completely out of your ordinary flow of things. Or tease her by playing hard to get

Jeremy - 41yo - level 8 -
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4 months ago

Tell her how you feel, how you think it affects your relationship, and your preferences. Ask her about her opinion about the concern and what her preferences are. Maybe y’all can meet somewhere in the middle or maybe there is something else that need to be discussed to move forward with open communication about sex.

Orenda - 40yo - level 10 -
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4 months ago

Talk to her. Explain your thoughts. Definitely dont hold it in or you risk resentment

Justin - 38yo - level 6 -
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3 months ago

really Jeff why are you on here twice

Quintana - 43yo - in a relationship for 12 years - Married - 2 - Ceres ca, United States - level 11 -
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3 months ago

I flirt with her like it's the 1st day we met everyday

Mike - 34yo - level 1 -
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3 months ago

Make sure you check first that she didn't have a traumatic experience when she was younger concerning sex even if that's not the case some women and some men feel embarrassed by talking about it or initiating it you should speak to her and bring that up and try to make it and will comfortable situation for her for sure if you do that things will turn around

Chad - 44yo - level 3 -
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3 months ago

She may not even know that you feel that wsy. Communicate your needs and how it makes you feel.

Kelley - 34yo - level 12 -
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3 months ago

Either keep dealing with it, talk to her about your feelings or come to a decision if that's the relationship you want to be in.

Jocelyn - 38yo - level 16 -
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3 months ago

Make her dinner with candles and cuddle her lots and tell her how much you love her. Ask if there is anything you can do for her. Love her in actions and words...do something every day for her and after a week or two ask her what is really going on

Hannah - 26yo - level 16 -
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3 months ago

Communication is key in any and all relationship. Is she going through something? Have y’all thought about couples counseling? My husband and I had a visit with a therapist before we moved in to just checked in and we won’t opened up more than with each other because it was a safe place. Therapy isn’t bad but a good option!

Michelle - 32yo - level 5 -
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4 months ago

Be her friend, find out what she likes and what she's interested in. Learn about what's important to her! When you do, she'll start to open up.

Brent - 52yo - level 6 -
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4 months ago

And be patient, it may take awhile!

Brent - 52yo - level 6 -
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4 months ago

Find out her love language. Helping out in the house or fixing things may help her

Ivan - 29yo - level 20 -
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4 months ago

Try expressing your feelings! My husband and I are usually pretty good at taking turns initiating. When I was towards the end of my pregnancy, however, I wasn’t much of a player in that department. 🤣 Definitely talk, watch sexy movies together, go “pleasure shopping”!

Maddy - level 10 -
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4 months ago

Ask if there's anything you can do to help her change how she feels. If she still does that want to talk about it then Lovingly explain how it this makes you feel. If she does not care about either then it is time to make a decision. Best wishes

Chrissie - 53yo - level 1 -
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4 months ago

For ideas To do something:
You Could maken both a non binding suggestion, but then you have To force her To think.

The idea is that she should not feel Any pressure when both of you suggest an idea.
Show that any idea is good even the more classic ideas, it could Give her more confidence.

And make her more open To launch NEW ideas herserself.

Keyword is confidence.

Christiaan - level 43 -
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4 months ago

Sounds like she is just lazy and is happy with not having that kind of responsibility. Maybe she just thinks its your role and that its how the relationship dynamic is supposed to be if its been like that from the start.

jesus the excuses in this comment section for the 0 effort some womem put into their relationship...

Markus - 28yo - level 18 -
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4 months ago

Sit her down and express how you feel. When you talk with her and she dosen't act on the things that you are saying or shows no interest on making your relationship better. Run for the hills. Save yourself Man.

Tim Nelson - 36yo - level 15 -
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4 months ago

I've been married for almost 15 years now. We're at that once a week & predictable sex stage. I suggest mentioning your concern to her because we don't read minds & try to spice things up. Get a little rougher & dominating. Sometimes when the girl isn't in the mood it's because she's bored of the S.O.S routine. Show her who's BOSS & give her some spontaneous sexual groping & innuendos. Build her up first though don't just spring it out of the blue. Let her experience a different side of you. Once she starts to see a change, she may start getting excited again.

Julie - 42yo - level 2 -
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4 months ago

Communicate about it if it doesn’t change break up

Shadonna - 28yo - level 11 -
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4 months ago

Communicate with her . sex isn't all u need in a realtionship that's just something that comes along with it. If she shows that she doesn't care about your feelings then u don't need to be with someone that doesn't care. I'm not saying she doesn't care I'm just saying if she shows it. Communicate ur feelings be open and honest.

Jessica - 25yo - level 1 -
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4 months ago

Buy her a mini buzzer and tease her

Larissa - 30yo - level 21 -
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4 months ago

Time to move on by the sounds of it or figure out if there is something in her back story that is stopping you from going forward as a couple. Is there even another person in her heart that she hasn't told you about?

Duane - level 22 -
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4 months ago

Ask her what is going on with her not seeming too interested in yalls relationship.

Leah - 40yo - level 12 -
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4 months ago

Talk to her about it.

Michael - 44yo - level 39 -
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4 months ago

Don't bring it up. Spend an inordinate amount of time showing her love (the way she wants) every day and watch what happens! Every day begin by asking her how you can show love to her that day if you can't think of anything

Zach - 30yo - level 44 -
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4 months ago

Leave her and find someone who cant get enough of you. Life is too short to waste it with someone that is not fulfilling your needs.

James - 31yo - level 34 -
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4 months ago

You said anymore, is it something that said or did to her that makes her not want to do it anymore? Communication is key, I would tell you to bring that up and do not blame her. Make sure that split the blame btw you

Madgscherly - 26yo - level 39 -
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4 months ago

You talk about to her about how you are feeling. I was going through a rough point and my depression made my sex drive very low. My SO made it clear how it was making him feel that I never initiated and it made me reevaluate and put more effort into making sure he felt wanted and appreciated.

Mary - 28yo - level 41 -
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4 months ago

You need to talk to her about it, using “I” statements express how you feel when you do not receive the attention you need sexually or otherwise. Also, consider her perspective - for me I do not like to initiate sex - it makes me feel to dominant and I prefer a submissive role in the bedroom. Maybe she is feeling a similar way. There are a number of things that could be happening within her and she may not even realize it is having an impact on you. If you care for her and want to continue the relationship then be open and communicate in a positive solution - focused manner. Best of luck to you.

Lala - 32yo - level 26 -
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4 months ago

I’m going through the same thing, I need advice

Angelo - 22yo - level 13 -
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4 months ago

Well first ask her if it's hard for her to talk about and get her feelings on the subject before you jump to any conclusions of your own. Some women have a hard time bringing these subject up and talking about them, with anyone. Doesn't matter if your her husband or boyfriend. You just need to tell her you feel she doesn't bring them up or talk about them which makes you feel that she's uninterested in you. Which will let her understand why your asking her, then you two can talk and go from their.
It's a VD DAY. IT A VD DAY. it's a VD day, it's a VD day_!

William - 27yo - level 23 -
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4 months ago

I'd have A sit down with her in just have a communication talk keep it respectfully in don't raise your voice but talk to each other like a dog's and ask her a questions of why she feels like that and why you are feeling like that in you guys come up with an answer to solve in CS can work together to get back into you to ur mojo in the sheets

alex - 32yo - level 5 -
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4 months ago

Tell her that it bothers you. Have a conversation. Maybe she's uncomfortable putting herself out there.

Katrina - 41yo - level 28 -
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4 months ago

I spent last 3 years with someone just like that and it left me depressed, insecure, and constantly questioning myself as a girlfriend, mother and person. I told him all this daily and he never seemed to care or would lie and give me false promises... when i finally got the courage to leave him he tried for months to win me back but it was too late, i spent months alone crying all day in the dark, sometimes for as long as 13 hours straight balling. I wasnt willing to go back and face the chance i could go through this again... after a month or so of this i finally began to come out of hiding and reconnect with old friends one of which is the one who dug me out amd built me back up and i finally k ow the meaning of true love and plan on never letting him go.

LEAVE NOW BEFORE YOU WASTE ANOTHER SECOND IN THIS PURGATORY.

Casey - 33yo - level 14 -
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4 months ago

Try and talk to her about these issues in a nice and calmly manner. The last thing she needs is to feel like she’s being corned or thrown under the bus for something she feels like isn’t even wrong. If you’ve already done so and still nothing has come out of the conversation, then you gotta ask yourself if this is even worth it? Remember that your happiness is more important than anything. No matter how selfish that may sound, you gotta realize that you can’t make someone else feel happy if you’re not already happy with yourself. I hope this helps and I wish you the best of luck.

Stephen - 26yo - level 10 -
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4 months ago

The best thing is to be open and honest about how you feel with her. My husband luckily speaks his mind and we have a good open flow of communication when it comes to these sensitive important matters in our relationship. I respect him for that.

Cindy - 50yo - level 1 -
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4 months ago

Might she be secretly mad at you for something and expressing it passive-aggressively? Try to create a nonjudgemental space where she might open up about whats going in in her.

Marek - 34yo - level 1 -
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4 months ago

Talk to her in a non confrontational way. Be specific on what you'd like her to do..."I like when you plan something for us. It makes me feel like you care". Ask her of there's anything going on. She might be going through something. Be clear about your feelings of disconnect.

Jess - 33yo - level 19 -
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4 months ago

Talk to her and tell her how you feel and ask her why she is not into kinky talk and take it from there. There could be a few reasons that she is not into it but it's always good to talk about everything and always be honest to each other

Mauritz - 31yo - level 10 -
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4 months ago

Some people dont have the tools to communicate in the same way or have differing sex drives. How about sitting down and coming up with some ways that you and her can communicate in a way that works for both of you? It doesnt have to be in a normal way. For example, you could always leave notes for each other around the house or drawing a emoji on a whiteboard to communicate how you feel. Also, maybe watch some youtube videos together about sex, I like sexplanations because she has a video about people with different sex drives and different methods of communication. If you feel like she isnt receptive to something, always ask her reasons and try to make her feel validated for those reasons. Also, it's important that your reasons are validated as well. Saying "Its okay to feel that way" before making a comment will make hard conversations much easier. Hope it works out!

El - 25yo - level 20 -
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4 months ago

Leave her. She’s probably cheating

Jeremy - 43yo - level 11 -
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4 months ago

Tell her about the way you feel. Maybe she don't initiate because she thinks that you will get uncomfortable. Soo just share with her.

kiddo - 20yo - level 16 -
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4 months ago

Talk to her!! She probably is just shy or afraid of being judged.

Alana - 35yo - level 35 -
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4 months ago

Depending on how long you’ve been together, it’s possible she is just comfortable and doesn’t feel the need to try. It also could be something else going on with her (not feeling confident, not happy at work and doesn’t want to burden you). I would talk to her openly about your concern. I would also have a plan of action of how you want to see this progress so there’s a standard for what you need in a relationship as well.

Jamie - 24yo - level 10 -
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4 months ago

See if there is anything else going on in her life. Maybe work is tiring her out, or she's worried and distracted about something. Make time together away from your daily life to reconnect.

Michael - level 21 -
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4 months ago

Chances are if she isn't interested in the relationship, you may have already lost her. Talk to her though. Express your concerns.

Danielle - 32yo - level 30 -
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4 months ago

Some men are not allowed happiness-but pursue the love of their life just to be able to be unhappy, and sadly feel blessed to have that.

Keith - 45yo - level 1 -
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4 months ago

I'll turn other side and sleep for the rest of the night, but it won't last long

Dileep - 30yo - level 12 -
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4 months ago

Kick rocks, in flip-flops, and no socks

Timothy - 45yo - level 15 -
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4 months ago

Talk to her about it and let her know how you feel about it

Carmene - niveau 21 -
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4 months ago

This coming from a woman we tend to do that all the time with me it’s not the talking it’s the acting and I don’t act unless he dose

Meloine - 36yo - level 4 -
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4 months ago

So yes, you see what you are missing. This is a change that has a loss of what brought you joy and pleasure in your relationship. She should know what you are missing and perhaps mourning. This change may be something she is missing too. What can you two do together to reclaim some of these beloved shared interactions.

Dragon - 46yo - level 11 -
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4 months ago

Ask her what the deal is. If she is in a rut, help her out. If she lost interest in the relationship then go out and get laid.

Joseph - level 15 -
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4 months ago

Like most other people here, I'm gonna say that you should talk to her calmly and openly about it. You don't want her to feel bad or feel like she's done something wrong, you should emphasise that point.

Evan - 19yo - level 11 -
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4 months ago

I wouldn't overanalyze it if she responds well when you do. It can come down to turn ons. Some prefer to be touched, not do the touching. Obviously talk about this, but if you're not comfortable, think about the entire package, not just initiation.

Adam - 36yo - level 12 -
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4 months ago

Talk to her about this...tell her how much it would mean to you if she would initiate. She may just be very shy in this area. Or, you may not be filling her love tank, and she's not interested? Read the Five Love Languages by Chapman.

Shalena - 50yo - level 28 -
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4 months ago

Raise your concern to her.

Carissa - 21yo - level 31 -
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4 months ago

There is normally a reason some one does not feel comfortable talking about intimate things. Understand why might enable you to have the discussion. But this has to be about supporting her not about your needs.

Alan - 43yo - level 8 -
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4 months ago

Talk to her. Maybe she’s having a tough time and doesn’t want to burden you- that’s what depression feels like. The SO should be as supportive as they can be during hard times without judgement.

Melodie - 35yo - level 9 -
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4 months ago

I asked my wife for help in responding to this, so hear goes:
-It does not necessarily mean she's not interested!
-Does she respond well when you initiate things?
-Ask her why she hasn't recently, explain why it's important to you, and maybe even ask her to initiate sometimes (ie, conversations, ideas, etc)

Hope that helps!

Philip - 28yo - level 19 -
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4 months ago

Communicate your feelings.

Syreeta - 32yo - level 1 -
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4 months ago

Ask her if something is bothering her, talk to her, has anything changed recently?

Dan - 28yo - level 17 -
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4 months ago

Communication is always key. If she gets defensive it’s important to stay calm and give her space. If nothing changes after the conversation then..it really does sound like she’s lost interest.

Paola - 21yo - level 13 -
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4 months ago

Sit her down and talk to her about it. Ask her why she doesn't and reassure her that it's ok to make the first move.

Justin - 23yo - level 4 -
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4 months ago

Talk to her. Maybe something is going on that has nothing to do with sex itself but has her stressed.

Nicole - 39yo - level 20 -
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4 months ago

Trying talking to her about it for starters. Otherwise if after the talk nothing changes then maybe she's checked out of the relationship

Solomon - 25yo - level 6 -
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4 months ago

Let her know you've noticed these things and how they make you feel. I feel like she's either going through a hard period or is maybe getting bored and you two need to discuss ways to keep things fresh n interesting.

Megan - 29yo - level 12 -
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4 months ago

Talk to her about it, she might be going through a rough time.

Matt - 26yo - level 21 -
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4 months ago

Relationship is not all about sex...how long you been with her might be affect...or she might be believe in sex after marriage, you should ask her..

Debbie - 28yo - level 6 -
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4 months ago

Communicate

Matt Mesch - level 1 -
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4 months ago

I think you should communicate your feelings. If she doesn’t change you guys might not be compatible.

Mica - 28yo - level 13 -
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4 months ago

Voice why you need that. Something like, babe, when you initiate ideas or etc. It makes me feel loved. Could you try to do that more often? Just bring it up in a way that says I love you and I like when you do this thing. That way it feels less accusatory.

John - 30yo - level 27 -
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4 months ago

Tell her that you feel like she isn't as invested in the relationship or sex or whatever them main issue is but also explain that you know there might be other reasons why she doesn't but you would like to understand so that you don't incorrectly read into the situation

Toni - 20yo - level 33 -
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4 months ago

I would talk to her one on one and tell her how you feel. If nothing changes I would think about breaking up.

Dagný - 30yo - level 20 -
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4 months ago

She isn't interested then.

David - 35yo - level 30 -
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