37 - 578 - 3 weeks ago

My girlfriend is very unexpressive and not very emotional at all. She still holds barriers like a force field and 6 years later I sti'll havent impenatrated. Whats some advice on how I can get her to be more open and express her feelings more

Jeffrey - 39yo - level 1

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3 weeks ago

My husband and I started using the app in order to help open the lines of communication. It has been working thus far and helping us to communicate a little better. It’s not great but we are trying to re-learn each other now that our children have grown up.

Ashley - 42yo - level 8 -
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3 weeks ago

My hubby is pretty stoic. Sometimes I ask him to tell me 3 things about his day and how they made him feel. I feel like he is cooperative because it’s only 3 and I really like the feelings he expresses and what he chooses to share.

Sarah - 35yo - level 8 -
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2 weeks ago

Hi Sarah

Kamal - 36 ans - niveau 1 -
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3 weeks ago

Don't bother.. After six years of holding shit back,either she is hiding something or she is an Ice Queen. Bounce while you still have the chance.

Joseph - level 11 -
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3 weeks ago

explain to her that that is something you need in order to better understand her and be able to continuously make her happy.

Lena - level 10 -
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3 weeks ago

Everyone expresses their emotion differently, Jeffrey. Some people simply let you know what they feel, others watch a certain movie, some may even cook a certain meal. Doing a certain activity is a way to work out those feelings. It may be that she hasn’t found her outlet yet, or you need to discover what her outlet may be.

Bri - 21yo - level 10 -
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3 weeks ago

Create a safe space for her to open up. Or explore other ways in which it would be easier for her to convey her thoughts like using this app

Phumelele - 28yo - level 1 -
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3 weeks ago

Jeff,
There are a few things that can be causing your girlfriend to be closed off. 1. She may have been hurt by her last relationship and may not be fully over it. 2. She's not all in with you meaning she's with you but may not be fully in love. My advice would be to work on being an Alpha. Check out this Channel https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQkpi6bJvAkG3BOZ3O5aZ6A also read this book called "open her" it's on audible. It will show you how to be the kind on man women open to.

Paul Anderson - 32yo - level 48 -
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2 weeks ago

WTF??? HAHAHA....that has got to be funniest thing I've ever read!! Work on being the Alpha, and "Open Her"? Holy Crap I'm gonna piss myself here!! 😂😂
Thanks for being "That Guy" bro! Douchebaggery at its highest level!! Bravo!!

Sean - 53yo - level 20 -
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3 weeks ago

It going to take some time. She might show expression someday, if you want this usually work for me when I talk to my lil hailey is compliment her, tease her(non sexual) surprise her or take her somewhere that she won't forget

Tyler - 17yo - level 3 -
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3 weeks ago

I went to therapy for this, and it’s helped TREMENDOUSLY. My boyfriend has noticed a huge difference in me and our relationship is healthier than ever, and thriving. I am not perfect but I’ve definitely changed for the better, we are both happier

Kelly - 27yo - level 11 -
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3 weeks ago

Jeffrey, Not only am I married to someone who has a hard time expressing his feelings, but I’m also a life coach and see this in my practice. As a coach, I would explain it to you this way. Safety is very important to have in any relationship., keep that in tact. Which means, staying calm and grounded. Feelings travel faster than thoughts. And when that happens we either control or collapse. Do your best to remain neutral, especially when she’s not opening-up. Stepping back and letting here know you are there to listen, when she is ready to share, will help build that safety too . Not only letting her know, but showIng her the love you have for her is unconditional.

Ask question like. Will you help me understand how you are feeling? How does that make you feel? What is true for you? But always speak your truth too, Jeffery. After she shares, thank her for doing so and stay calm No matter what she shares with you.

Your girlfriend, like most of us, were never taught emotional weightlifting, which gives us the courage to speak our truth. Our emotions are a message to us. I would also suggest the two of you start meditating, which helps quiet the mind and reduce fear from our thoughts and bodies. Maybe this can be something the two of you can do together. I hope the few little nuggets I shared help. Find the joy in the journey, regardless of the conditions. Once I started doing that, in my marriage, my marriage started shifting in a better direction. Thank you for sharing your question with this community! Sending loving vibes to you all!!❤️

Janine - 49yo - level 37 -
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3 weeks ago

Many people have difficulties saying how they feel, verbally. Offer her a notebook to write down her feelings and you can respond the same way. It's still communicating with you, but not as stressful to her. Good luck 👍

Cindy - 54yo - level 7 -
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2 weeks ago

Depends on her past maybe. If she has had a relationship before and has been hurt, maybe she isn't completely over that trauma yet. But 6 years is a long time. Be her friend first and not force anything on her, build trust, play games together, enjoy life together, once she comes to understand she can count on you, on any and every situation, she will be cheerful and happy and whenever something happens, you'll be the first person she'd want to share them with.

Shubham - 22yo - level 18 -
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2 weeks ago

The best advice? Keep in mind that whatever impenetrable wall she has built has nothing to do with you personally. I've been in your shoes, and thankfully, someone gave ME the same advice I'll pass on to you. If a wall is made one brick at a time, it doesn't make sense that it can be taken down by any other means. I know you want to be the wrecking ball and tear it all down, as we all do, but don't put that pressure on yourself, or her. Let her disassemble it on her time. How do you do that? Just be the guy that she's obviously in love with...6 years attests to that. Be there when she needs you, never let her go one day without showing her that you love her. Be consistent with keeping your promises, and the reassurance she gets will help HER, day by day, take down the wall herself...as it should be. Don't pressure her by bringing up The Wall, either. Let it go and forget about it. You'll be surprised, as I was, to find that one day soon you'll look over your shoulder and see her standing in front of a big pile of rubble, construction hat and all, with a big smile on her face.

Sean - 53yo - level 20 -
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2 weeks ago

I'm pretty emotionless too which is a problem for my husband. His favourite refrain used to be 'I'm not a mind reader'.
We started using the app happy couple to get better understanding of our communication preferences and we work out different communication methods.
You'll have to meet her part way as just because you want her to physically express doesn't mean she's able to.
I prefer written communication myself so that's what works for me and hubby. If all else fails I'll just write down how I feel and text it to him. Whatever works right?
Relationships go both ways.

Kyla - 36yo - level 11 -
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3 weeks ago

All i can say is if you have been with her for 6 years you should have already been through the barrier, however maybe you need to open up and ask her to open up and not be afraid of what she says, be there for her the best way you can

curtis - 37yo - level 15 -
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3 weeks ago

It's simpal just try to understand her simply mean just try to understand what she don't like and what she like I think we can do easily if we follow and keen to know about her.
If there is no love or emotion or shyness so there is nothing so simply means don't waste your time dude it's my way

Suman - 25yo - level 6 -
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2 weeks ago

WHAAAAT?!? 🙄🤔🤨

Sean - 53yo - level 20 -
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3 weeks ago

This is something that took me years to figure out. I struggled with opening up as well. The reason? I didn't really feel safe. I had a history of bad relationships and I just kinda shut down. Here's what helped: Therapy was a good start. But it took me years to find the perfect fit. With her, I learned to open up and be vulnerable with someone new. Most times she just listened and little by little she started helping me understand my feelings and why I felt them (even though they seemed irrational). I learned the whys and I learned ways to express my feelings in a healthy way.

Then I met someone that also struggled with sharing his feelings. He's not into therapy, so I had to find ways to help him open up. First thing I did was open up to him. I told him how things made me feel. And when he would say things like "you shouldn't feel that way" - I would tell him that he wasn't being fair. I can't control how I feel about something, I can only control my reaction. Little by little he learned to just listen and help me through those feelings. He started to learn from me that it was ok to share - and that it's not ok to invalidate someone's feelings. I started to ask him things like "how does that make you feel" and "what was your favorite part about..." (usually I'd ask him about his favorite part of the day, or favorite part of a movie we saw, or favorite part of a meal we ate). I had to learn not to criticize his feelings or thoughts. Just listen. We're still not perfect, but we try.

Jessica - 36yo - level 20 -
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3 weeks ago

Terapy and make her feel safe

Ines - 34yo - level 7 -
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3 weeks ago

There are 5 Love languages. (Book title). She speaks a different language. If you can learn about each others languages that will help.

Words of affirmation
Quality Time
Sevice
Gifts
Physical

Randy - 59yo - level 10 -
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3 weeks ago

I use to use music to Express how I felt now I just express it...

Tera - 38yo - level 9 -
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3 weeks ago

My husband was the same way! We have been together 11 years and it wasnt until about a year ago he was able to open up fully.. it takes time. Have patience. Maybe try being more open and thay will make her feel more comfortable. The more open you are the more willing it might make her... patience is definitely key! Good luck!!!

Ashley - 32yo - level 2 -
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3 weeks ago

Be polite, but just talk to her honestly about how you're feeling. After 6 years, a person should have opened up by then. At least most people Will have by then anyway. If youse honestly and politely speak to her about it, make sure what you're telling her is heartfelt. But don't get discouraged, because she may tell you she's just that way. She may not have been raised in a family where there was a lot of open emotion going on. Some people suffer from childhood emotional neglect from how they were parented. Sometimes due to their parent(s) lack of emotion from their own parents. It's like it gets passed down from the generation before, and then sometimes it could be from having poor parenting skills altogether which almost always ends in a child growing up with issues, whether they realize them to be there or not. Of course there had to be those parents who inadvertently emotionally neglect their children due to raising more than one child, busy schedules and work. It could very much possibly happen to any of us depending on how we were treated and the things we saw growing up. They'd also a possibility she's been in one or more relationships with someone who has alienated her for showing emotion, because they themselves have CEN, a previous or woman has broken her trust somehow, so therefore she doesn't like to share be open. There'll be the reason offers just not that into you, so she doesn't take any interest showing you our telling you her feelings. Like she doesn't wanna bother with it too much, because she's not that serious about you. No offense, just trying to help. There is therapy for Childhood Emotional Neglect which couldn't hurt if you could get her to go. Hope this helps at least a little. Good luck!

Austin - 32yo - level 1 -
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3 weeks ago

I would have to keep trying to talk to her about it and show her that she can show you her feelings. Let her know how it makes you feel

Britt - 30yo - level 1 -
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3 weeks ago

Maybe she feels uncomfortable talking about her feelings. Could be just who she is. You can't force her to change but you can be the ears to listen when the time comes.

Mike - 27yo - level 13 -
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3 weeks ago

I thing you should break up with her, because is not fear with you put all your effort in the relaitonship and recieve that coldness. Try telling her why you thing the relaitonship is not going well and if she shows no interest on it probably is an answer that she really never cares. Are six years man, you can stay with a person who is not expresive with you. Good luck.

Ruby - 23yo - level 21 -
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3 weeks ago

I think this is terrible advice. If she didn't love him, she wouldn't stay in the relationship for 6 years. She has not found the motivation to do so

Madgscherly - 26yo - level 38 -
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3 weeks ago

My husband is the same way. He had adhd and I recently found out that he his parents never talked about their feelings and he always felt discouraged when he tried so as an adult he doesnt really know how and often has anxiety attacks and shuts down when he tries. I find that guessing his feelings and having him simply reply yes or no is a start. For example: I'll ask things like "are you a mad kind of upset or a sad kind of upset?" "Are you feeling..." "is it because..." it makes it easier for him to Express himself because he doesnt have to use the words.

Bri - 22yo - level 11 -
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3 weeks ago

I would express how it makes you feel and explain that the length of time you both have shared with each other that you respected giving her time to be comfortable with you but that you feel maybe more expression rather it be verbally or through body language would be appreciated.

victoria - 31yo - level 4 -
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3 weeks ago

I have been there and done that (3 year relationship). I would say that it is very simple but not easy, either accept her as she is - frozen & distant - which btw doesn’t mean that she doesn’t love you OR find somebody else. Me personally I couldn’t deal with the cold any longer, I was missing warmth, now I am happy so far 🤞. Good luck

Daniel - 29yo - level 14 -
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3 weeks ago

Ask a lot of questions, be interested. Not just ”how was your day” or ”how are you feeling” even tho those are good to begin with. Ask about her friends, things she loves, her childhood, family and so on. And then listen. Work your way in to a deeper level little by little. build her trust.

Sarah - 21yo - level 29 -
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3 weeks ago

You may never be able to break through her shields especially after that amount of time of trying but I would try to be very open with her and after trying that say that I want you to lower your shields that you can trust me and let me in.

Kyle - 28yo - level 10 -
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3 weeks ago

GTFO Let Her Go she’s expressing herself to someone else

Melissa - 37yo - level 12 -
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3 weeks ago

Get drunk

JA💲PERS - 33yo - in a relationship for 14 years - Married - 3 - Rochester Mills, United States - level 19 -
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3 weeks ago

To start, it's difficult to be open and vulnerable with a partner whom you can still sense a blockage from so your patience for 6 years is clear you care for her. Maybe by being verbally explicit with how you hold no judgment and that you're quite open, just as long as she feels she can trust you to share her inner most feelings. As it is difficult for you as well to gauge where shes at and you just want to know you're part of her inner circle so to speak. It might not necessarily be that shes withholding but as other people noted, she doesnt know how to demonstrate in a way you can also understand. Best of luck moving forward to you and your loved one.

Yuri - 25yo - level 9 -
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3 weeks ago

I find it best to ask very straight forward, “how are you feeling?” And “how can I help?”

Another thing I do is remind my partner their feelings are valid and they I am there for them

Jess - 25yo - level 10 -
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3 weeks ago

Ask open ended questions. You can Google therapeutic communication techniques that are very helpful. Instead of asking "are you okay?" If you know she's upset, try asking questions that will lead to her opening up. Maybe something like "was there anything that happened today that caused you to be upset?" Etc. Learning what questions to ask will help her to not shut off an emotional response!

Ellie - 19yo - level 10 -
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3 weeks ago

Pau her attention, listen to her and know what she's feeling. Be good to her and respect every word she utters cause there lies the answers .

Pornika - 28yo - level 4 -
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3 weeks ago

It's like Bri said, there's almost certainly some sort of behaviour difference depending on her feelings. It is however a key part of communication that you and your partner are honest and open about emotions. I'd suggest just checking in and paying attention to her behaviour, if you notice something out of the ordinary ask about it. Maybe she just needs to warm up to sharing.

Ryan - 26yo - level 25 -
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