40 - 1186 - 3 weeks ago

How to decide on whether you should leave your job and life for love?
I've known my current partner, T, for 8 years. When we met we both were in relationships (he married), and so we both cheated on our partners and confessed. He divorced, and moved to the Colombia, I remained with my partner in Europe, but I always kept touch with T. We met in Europe in 2014, he asked me to move with him, but I refused. We met again this summer and I decided to leave my partner and give it a try. I have a steady job in Europe, I'm finding problems to find a job in Colombia within my field. T is helping me in this but I'm having doubts as to whether leaving my life here and moving to the uncertain is actually a good idea.

Ester - 35yo - level 1

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2 weeks ago

You both have cheated before, what would stop ether one of you cheating again?

Christopher - 48yo - level 24 -
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2 weeks ago

Ryt

Malou April - 27yo - level 23 -
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2 weeks ago

I would do an exercise called "Go negative"
So you describe your challenge and make a decision (e.g. to move to Columbia) and the question you ask is "What's the worst that could happen?" Maybe the answer is you'll struggle finding a job on your field, then what's the worst that could happen. Repeat finding as much negative scenarios as possible up to a point where "You'll die homeless on the streets of Columbia".
You probably won't die, but you will imagine a lot of scenarios and probably the worst that will happen is that you will return to Europe to your former life.
Now the question is would you like to add the experience of moving to Columbia and trying to build your life there to your overall life experience or not?
I think you already know that answer ☺️
Trust your ability to figure things out.

Triin - 34yo - level 9 -
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2 weeks ago

Thanks Triin. Nice approach to stop fear and doubts.

Ester - 35yo - level 1 -
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2 weeks ago

For me personally, I would say no. If you leave everything behind and go to an unknown place with no stable future just for that person, you end up having to rely on them for stability. However, when you start having problems, it's very likely you'll end up blaming each other for them. I.e. "I left my whole life for you and you treat me like this."
"

Kate - 24yo - level 27 -
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2 weeks ago

Yes, that's my fear too...

Ester - 35yo - level 1 -
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2 weeks ago

Cheating is total slap on ppl you were with, there is a better way to handle it!

As for the question, you should weight pros and cons, how solid this is and if you still can manage on your own. Life is a journey, why to say no to new experiences and live with a fear of unknown?

Piotr - 30yo - level 5 -
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2 weeks ago

Never a good idea. You need to be independent and not rely on him. Never move for love. That’s the dumbest possible reason to do it. You move for yourself and how you can better yourself. Alas you have already done it so I suggest to be optimistic and find any stable job for right now. Baby steps.

Larissa - 30yo - level 15 -
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2 weeks ago

It is very hard to leave everything and move to a totally different country. Culture shock is stressful and until you get a steady job, there is added pressure. How about the language?
I think if you both love each other, it's worth tryi g to make it work. Make sure there is enough balance and not only one person is making sacrifices. 😉 Do you feel live, valued and respected?

Nadja - 44yo - level 11 -
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2 weeks ago

Thanks Nadja. I speak the language yes, and I've lived abroad alone most of my life, but yes, life together is the unknown.

Ester - 35yo - level 1 -
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2 weeks ago

I personally wouldn't leave everything I have to just get to know a guy more. But since it's already decided, I think it's an opportunity to see if T is really the one for you at the time you are in need. :)

Da - level 25 -
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2 weeks ago

You have cheated in your relationship already. Whose to say he wont cheat on you with some other girl that he knows or meet. However,everyone deserves to be happy if he makes you happy i say follow your heart&your instinct

Nikki - 31yo - level 5 -
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1 week ago

probably would have found a job and reserched before leaving

jimmie - 44yo - level 7 -
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1 week ago

You must do what's best for you. If you're an independent women most likely you may have troubles with happiness because your work is important to you.
If you are truelly ready for love and love an adventure and spotinuety and willing to change what makes you motivate your life to be what it is now then go.
Remember however when you make that decision you are to stay with it. Make it work and love your new life because of your love for this person.
Write down all your pros and cons and discuss all of them them with your partner. You will find your answer. Hopefully right away but if not it's ok to take your time.
If you have to ask other people what you should do I think you already have your answer.
How's your trust level should be your first question.
Good Luck

MG

Melody - 59yo - level 20 -
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1 week ago

Thanks Melody!

Ester - 35yo - level 1 -
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2 weeks ago

I say do what it is that you want to do. Sounds a bit archaic I know, but we tend to live our lives with fear leading the charge. If we weren't fearful of the outcomes of our choices we would be bolder when making choices.
Don't move for him, move for you. Move because you want to, not because you think you have to (in order to make things work)
If your heart tells you to remain where you are, then he should be able to either wait til you are ready or move to you.
❤️

May - 30yo - level 42 -
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2 weeks ago

Do it or you'll sit around wondering and wishing you did for the rest of your life....

Stud - 43yo - level 29 -
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2 weeks ago

I would never leave a job for someone I love unless I know for CERTAIN he would do the same for me.
However, it should never be one or the other. I believe compromise is always achievable.

Jessica - level 1 -
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2 weeks ago

I have kinda been where you are at. By that I mean when me and my husband met 13 years ago, he was in a relationship and I had never cheated or been the other woman but for some reason his charm won me over. I chose to be the other women. He eventually left her and we have been married for the last 5 years. I was in love and followed my heart instead of my values and beliefs. So with that being said, I should have seen all the signs then of what kind of man he is and what kind of relationship we would have. First of all if he cheated to be with me, should have known he is capable of cheating on me. If he can lie straight to her face and not even flinch and allow her to believe they are fine and then up and start a 2nd life with me he is capable of doing the same to me. When he would tell me all the reasons he loves me and wants me and is choosing me over her, he will tell the next girl that catches his fancy all those same things he told me about his ex to the new one about me. All these years later yes we are married, still live under the same roof. And you know what more times than not I am his wife yet still the other woman. He won't leave e because we are married and I have his only children, we have a few good moments every now and then, but that spark that walked me out of who I was and into who I have became in this life is gone. Carefully evaluate yourself. What you believe in and how much you are really willing to not just tolerate but sacrifice of yourself for your love for this man. For me in hind sight I know the cost has been too high, there is no longer even a glimpse of the woman I once was, only the woman I have became sacrificing piece by piece myself for the love, that yes I still have, for a man that may love me the best he knows how but will never truly be mine.

Sabrina - 40yo - level 5 -
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2 weeks ago

I move from Ohio to Hawaii to be with the man I was dating at the time in dec 2019. I had a comfortable mid-level career that I gave up. He completely supported me through the process of finding friends (time zones can make you feel incredibly lonely), finding a new career.

I think you could do it as long as you have the conversation about what does support look like. How will you build your own social group? Will you feel abandoned if he wants to go out without you? How will you both cover expenses if it takes you awhile to find a job? Are you willing to be underemployed while you continue to look?

It worked out great for me (we got married 4 months later) but I still wish I had asked those questions.

Lorraine - 28yo - level 38 -
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2 weeks ago

Dec 2018*

Lorraine - 28yo - level 38 -
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2 weeks ago

I think you should think about what your life will be like in Colombia. Will you like it, or will you be miserable? Maybe take some time off from work to visit there and stay with him to get a feel of what it would be like. Of course visiting WON’T be like living there (and the relation between you two will probably be super great since you’re there visiting), but if you like the experience then do it. YOLO. However, if you don’t like it, then a lifetime partner would understand that and make sacrifices to be with you! All the pressure shouldn’t be on you if you feel uncomfortable about it. Make him move if that’s what you want, girl! Only the strong partners survive.

Kelsey - 23yo - level 13 -
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2 weeks ago

I would say NO, your relationship doesn't had a good start to begin with, if you have a good job, and you love what you do, don't leave for a relationship that doesn't have a true future.

Nathalie - 25yo - level 12 -
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2 weeks ago

Hell see what happens u both clearly not happy so try it out and have fun

JASPERS - 33yo - in a relationship for 14 years - Married - 3 - Rochester Mills, United States - level 18 -
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2 weeks ago

I’m facing a similar problem in a way, where I’m the one asking my S/O to move to another country, leave his life behind in our home country and stay with me abroad. I think it’s worth noting that as long as you have trust with each other, faith that it will work and you both sincerely love each other, then, things will definitely fall into place. But that’s the optimistic side, for a more reasonable perspective, maybe do a comparison of all the pros and cons for each choice?

Afi - 23yo - level 4 -
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2 weeks ago

You learned and worked all those years for your career. Would you be thankfull of yourself 10 years from now if you just let them sink away? If the answer is yes then buy your plane ticket now and write your love story. If no then think more about yourself and ask yourself if your partner would be able to make this major change in his life for your love.

Iulia - 19yo - level 9 -
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2 weeks ago

You've shown courage. Best sign of true love is courage. Adjust your expectations and glory in finding a rare love. Many never find it because they are governed by a host of fears you've ignored.

Alan - 63yo - level 9 -
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2 weeks ago

Thanks Alan

Ester - 35yo - level 1 -
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2 weeks ago

I think given it’s a relationship that started from “cheating” (not judging just calling it) there will always be issues. Given you left for Love then that’s part of the deal. We all make sacrifice for love.

We always have doubts and thoughts about whether grass is greener. My passionate view would be to make the most of of your decision to join him. Given your not married you have options - does the good (being with him, sex, money or whatever) out weight the bads (no job,”lonely etc..). The net of this simple formula will determine if it’s the right move

Mark - 47yo - level 6 -
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2 weeks ago

Sounds like you are uncertain about T. If you truly wanted it to work you would move there and make it work. Convenient excuses only slow down progress in relationships. I would say go to Columbia and make it work. You will find work. Another option would be for T to move to Europe. Relationships are about compromise

Tim Nelson - 36yo - level 15 -
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1 week ago

Don't go for the uncertainty of what's to come.

Nikki - 36yo - level 3 -
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1 week ago

Thank you everyone for all your comments. It's actually more difficult to take a decision, because you all have a point. However, I put into practice some of your advice, and asked him whether he'd be ready to come here if things for me there don't work out (e.g. job). Plain and clear answer: no. I think I have my answer too.

Ester - 35yo - level 1 -
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1 week ago

Not until both are ready for the risk and stronger commitment. Career should take 1st, love wouldnt fill belly if he suddenly cheat on you to be with someone else and you are jobless in foreign country

Regina - 26yo - level 25 -
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1 week ago

Loyalty goes both ways... once a cheater, always a cheater.

Anethan - 22yo - level 1 -
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1 week ago

Why would you move to another country and give up everything you have for a relationship that started and was based on deception. So once your there and things don't work out, which chances are more likely they will not, where do you go from there? You no longer have the person whom you where once committed to, your job is gone and you can pretty much guarentee that you will not have if anything much respect left from any family or friends if there is even any left to turn too. So you have to decide is giving up literally almost everything worth this, but just be prepared that when and if it doesnt work out you clearly knew risks and you made your choice

Lucy - 49yo - level 1 -
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1 week ago

It depends on what makes u feel more worthwhile , positive and happy in life on long term basis.

Arathy - 23yo - level 11 -
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1 week ago

Maybe it wasn't a good time to relocate should've searched job opportunities beforehand would have been a good idea.

Lorena - 47yo - level 1 -
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2 weeks ago

Oh my god are u for real!? Where to even begin? U have both cheated so where is the trust? U are still with your partner but are having doubts about leaving him and your life for somebody else? You clearly arent ready to leave your current life and sorry to say but you are being really selfish here because sounds like your giving both guys mixed messages here and that poor guy your with is still with you and youve been away meeting another guy and secretly planning to leave him for another man? You shouldnt be in a relationship right now, take some time for yourself and think and figure out where you want to be and make that very clear to both men involved that you need time to yourself to process what you want from life and where you want to be. Sweetheart seriously give yourself a shake im surprised people have actually been so nice to this question. Best of luck x

Lynnette - 27yo - level 18 -
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1 week ago

I think you didn't understand well. I told my partner and stopped the relationship. I'm not playing both sides.

Ester - 35yo - level 1 -
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2 weeks ago

I really wouldn't leave if I was in that situation

Tyler - 17yo - level 3 -
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2 weeks ago

What kind of fucked up shit is this showing up in my app?

Travis - level 8 -
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2 weeks ago

If it’s true love then do it

Joshua - 38yo - level 6 -
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2 weeks ago

Fuck

Ruth - 16yo - level 6 -
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2 weeks ago

Open relationship

Tabitha - 35yo - level 7 -
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2 weeks ago

If they are the one then yes it’s up to u if not dont

Patricia - 36yo - level 29 -
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2 weeks ago

Don’t rush it. In Gods timing everything will fall into place.

Syreeta - 32yo - level 1 -
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2 weeks ago

Thanks everyone for your answers.

Ester - 35yo - level 1 -
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2 weeks ago

With all due respect, have you asked yourself the same question in the same way before you thought on cheating in the first place? And ever wonder why your partner is still with you after you confessed cheating on him? Just saying.. Look around you.🤷🏾‍♂️

Ash - 22yo - level 27 -
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2 weeks ago

Scientific research showed that a relationships that start with cheating not only have 99% chance of failure, but also usually to finish with cheating. Good luck!

Fanny - 39yo - level 14 -
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2 weeks ago

Red flag no don't do it

Pamela - 43yo - level 11 -
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2 weeks ago

It isn't wise for either of you to keep in contact with each other because the relationship was founded on the sin of adultry. Honestly Jesus would love to have a stronger relationship with you instead. It isn't too late to turn to Him. The Bible will tell you that.

Amber - 21yo - level 28 -
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2 weeks ago

I Think that if you truly have feelings and are in a situation where you can move, economically, you should but as you're both cheaters, the uncertainty of keeping one's word makes it difficult to decide

Alexander - 18yo - level 6 -
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