101 - 1037 - 5 months ago

My husband would rather get rid of his ipad(which he uses 4+ hours a day) than share his password. What would you think?

Kaye - 56yo - level 31

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Reactions (101)

5 months ago

Personal privacy and trust are important. If your demanding access step back and ask yourself why.

Dan - 37yo - level 48 -
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5 months ago

Because of things that happened last year. Until then I he had my complete trust.

Kaye - 56yo - level 31 -
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5 months ago

My boyfriend has Always been very private with his phone/electronics. And trust is very important in a relationship. It’s possible SO could be doing it for the principle of the thing. Just because two people are in a relationship doesn’t mean they need to share absolutely everything. Maybe he feels like he has shared enough. And he is choosing to set a boundary. Of course, it does look shady that it’s over a password on his iPad but it’s his choice none the less. Don’t think so negatively about it though or let it instantly doubt him as a human being or even worse doubt him as your husband. Ask him honestly and if you are afraid he is hiding something. Tell him honestly, and see what he says. It could simply all just be a misunderstanding or he could just be trying to get under your skin and make you jealous or want to pry. For some reason men tend to like this behavior from women sometimes as it makes them feel desired.

Kourtney - 26yo - level 19 -
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5 months ago

They just tell you what is easiest for them

Kaye - 56yo - level 31 -
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5 months ago

For me it boils down to whether or not he would let you use it supervised. Yes there is a red for trust, but trust isnt always blind. If there is a surprise or something it makes sense, if it is work it makes sense, but a blanket no without a reason is a breeding ground for the mistrust, and resentment. As someone who is a recovering porn addict submission and accountability are opportunities to grow trust with my SO, not something to be feared.

Jpaul - 32yo - level 18 -
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5 months ago

Be VERY worried. He’s hiding something if passwords and access can not be shared then he’s doing something untrustworthy.

Joanne - 55yo - level 29 -
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5 months ago

He has something to hide

Sherry g - 49yo - level 27 -
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5 months ago

A relationship should be based in trust. The question here would be: why do you want access? But also, why doesn’t he want to share? I hate putting myself as an example, but I have access to all his passwords (phone, pc, tablet...) and he has them too. What’s weirdly nice is that we never take our stuff unless there’s something we need , like when we no longer have battery or we want to check something real fast ... anyway, all this to say that I believe that if this level of confidence wasn’t established in my marriage, it would be really odd for me.

Diana - 38yo - level 10 -
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5 months ago

There would need to be more background to give a solid answer either way, but unless there's reasons that you suspect that he might be cheating I would say that they probably just want some semblance of privacy but then again my so when asked just to show me his call and text log after he got into mine while I was sleeping decided to factory restore his phone instead of showing me so yea HUGE RED FLAG!

Desire - 41yo - level 8 -
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5 months ago

Then he is hiding something. cheating or FBI agent

Robert - 38yo - level 20 -
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5 months ago

Cheater

Mb wood - 43yo - level 11 -
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5 months ago

That he obviously doesn't care enough to share his life with you. Or hes cheating on you...

Jazmine - 17yo - level 3 -
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5 months ago

Rather than thinking about having him get rid of his iPad, just get rid of the husband. If the two of you have discussed it honestly and he still is unwilling to share his password with you, then he’s being sketch for a reason that can be nothing but negative. He’s way too shady.

Lucy - 22yo - level 8 -
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5 months ago

Wow... But tbh I feel like my boyfriend would do the exact same thing. So o have no advice on this one....I think it's fucked up and shady and hate when SO's are shady when it comes to their phone. And I'm currently going through that and dont know what to do either. :-/

Christina - 33yo - in a relationship for 1 year - Dating - level 27 -
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4 months ago

While privacy is important, it does seem weird that he would be so averse to sharing passwords. My husband and I have always shared passwords/PINs with each other in case we need them, but we trust each other (and have nothing to hide) so there's no snooping. If he doesn't have a good reason (like there's confidential information there) then I'd say it's a problem.

Erica - 29yo - level 36 -
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5 months ago

Privacy and trust extremely important, there is more then just my sides conversations, it's wrong to read something that wasn't sent to u. N if u don't trust relationship already over, move on.

Ruthann - 47yo - level 2 -
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5 months ago

From personal experience, he is hiding something from you. Trust is important in a relationship/marriage, and if he can not give you a simple password then he is hiding something. Usually, when men are evolved, it has something to do with chatting with other women. Maybe he has made profiles on those "dating" sites... I would have a real talk with him bc this in no way to spend your marriage. If he has problems with you then he (and both of you) should speak and try to solve whatever problems you are having.

Karmen - 33yo - level 7 -
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5 months ago

Sounds like he might really want his privacy?

Aly - 23yo - level 30 -
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5 months ago

Beyond the issue with this device have both of you been open and honest with each other in all other areas of your relationship?! If everything else is an open book for both of you then there should be a level of concern about the device. If you are feeling a certain way about access than that would lead me to believe that there are other signs that have caused you to be concerned. Create/go to a non-judgemental safe space where you two can express your and his concerns about the relationship. Be prepared to LISTEN to his concerns and then agree to come together again to create solutions. Make sure to focus on behaviors/actions and not personal attacks! It's hard to hear things about ourselves that others don't like and then try to "play nice". Relationships get comfortable after time but as we all know it takes CONSTANT work! Good luck!💕💕

Carrie - 37yo - level 25 -
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5 months ago

Need to discuss his underlying reasons for this. Hopefully he has the empathy to understand how this could be viewed

Carolina - 34yo - level 4 -
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5 months ago

Privacy is important. if you dont trust him its an issue. If its for the sake of "just in case" then its fine i think just knowing there are boundaries to knowing the pw

Neha - 33yo - level 50 -
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5 months ago

If he is giving you reasons of doubt then he will have no problem allowing you to take a look. If he says no well Looks like the iPad is leaving and if he is lucky he will get to stay.

Jennifer - 34yo - level 1 -
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5 months ago

Some of the reactions here are just horrible. It’s just as likely that the guy would like some degree of privacy as it is that he’s fooling around. You people need to stop watching so much Lifetime.

Carl - 35yo - level 49 -
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5 months ago

I mean you shouldn't demand access to it but it seems like an extreme reaction.

Andrew - 28yo - level 46 -
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5 months ago

Oh he'll naw, I asked for my husband's phone I had a gut feeling

Quintana - 43yo - in a relationship for 12 years - Married - 2 - Ceres ca, United States - level 11 -
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5 months ago

He is cheating that's what i would think

Quintana - 43yo - in a relationship for 12 years - Married - 2 - Ceres ca, United States - level 11 -
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5 months ago

Big yikes!

Caitlin - 24yo - level 7 -
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5 months ago

You’re HUSBAND?!? I think that you should get the passcode or make him get rid of it. You are his WIFE for goodness sakes! You should have access to everything. Marriage means you become one so what is his is yours.

Kelsey - 24yo - level 15 -
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5 months ago

There should be no secrets between couples.

Mabel - 35yo - level 18 -
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5 months ago

Seems fishy, what is he hiding ?

Big daddy - 35yo - level 40 -
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5 months ago

Umm idc my gf and i used to share our passwords before but even though nothing was wrong with her dms i used to get a lot jealous and that's why we decided we won't from than we don't we share only what we want to which is not often it's better to avoid it all

Sheeraz - 20yo - level 7 -
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5 months ago

Me n hubby know each others passwords for all devices c

Kerry - level 2 -
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5 months ago

One way to eliminate this problem is to eliminate the phones if you can't act like adults. No one should be asking for passwords and no one should be so secretive in a relationship and especially in a marriage but who am I and what do I know?

Jason - 42yo - level 12 -
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5 months ago

I am not a fan of sharing my password with my significant other and I have absolutely nothing to hide and love him.

If asked I would say but it would be very very hard for me.

I am fiercely independent, been through a horrible divorce etc and a 'I've got control of my life and do not need anyone else' kind of thing going on. I'm working on that it I'd be looking into why he is reluctant first.

Him giving me his password isn't the same thing, I don't want it so that tactic most likely won't work either if your husbands like me.

Jasmine - 38yo - level 48 -
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5 months ago

Its hard to say without more background information. My own feelings based on my own insecurities say that is an issue, there should be no secrets between long term relationship couples. If I ask to see something I would like to see it.

Jesi - 35yo - level 21 -
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5 months ago

In my personal experience, he's doing something he doesn't want you to know about.
Cheating, porn, deception.
Keep in mind even if you have 1 pass code, they'll usually find an alternative method for deception. Another secret phone, ipad, FB account, tumbler....etc.
If you're concerned, listen to your gut instinct.
I feel its time you and your husband had a serious conversation about transparency, respect, and boundaries. Trust is the foundation of your marriage. There shouldn't be secrets.

Michelle - 54yo - level 17 -
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5 months ago

Try to appreciate His privacy and give him your trust

Dimas - 28yo - level 20 -
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5 months ago

Password protection on a home device is a flag.
Open access does not yield automatic snooping. In fact, the 'no-lock' is a silent behavior that suggests reassurance in that the individual has nothing to hide.

Also, maybe you could use it too then? Remember that thing we learned early in life? Oh yes, how to share.

Danie - 36yo - level 17 -
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5 months ago

Sounds like a he’s hiding something

Von Gon - 37yo - level 24 -
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5 months ago

Me and my boyfriend have had similar issues that came to a head a couple of years ago but still cause problems. I came to realise that he was looking at porn a lot, and on some occasions even when I was in the house and had gone for a shower or something. He has tried to explain its no reflection on me it's just something he finds himself doing after a few drinks... There was also a time when I found he was using 'chat to random strangers' type apps as a way of trying to have dirty conversations as an alternative to porn. I ended up finding this out from going through his phone and confronted him so he could no longer deny his secret perversions. The app situation is not a concern anymore, and I have settled to accept the porn thing. I now occasionally suggest we watch porn together so he can see I am open to it and he doesn't feel the need to hide it from me. I would suggest asking him if it's something like that rather than him being secretive to the point where you are concerned he is cheating. I hope this helps and gives you a different perspective on it?

Megan - 30yo - level 26 -
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5 months ago

He's obviously got something to hide, and you should have a conversation about that, potentially he just wants to keep one part of his life entirely his own. At the same time you should talk about why you would want his password in the first place. Are you seeking information or do you want to play games?

Emma - 25yo - level 28 -
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5 months ago

He has a right to privacy. Maybe he's planning something special for you and doesnt want to ruin the surprise! Even if not, he is a person outside of your relationship too.

Jackie - 22yo - level 43 -
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5 months ago

Hes entitles to privacy/ his own life outside your relationship. Need to trust him but unless something has happened that really raises your suspicion or you know the relationship between you is a little rocky it is worth confronting or digging deeper about it. I would be the same , my partners over protective with me talking to the opposite gender online because he got cheated on that way. But based on your age maybe he is talking to other women out of curiosity/reminiscent , just need to confirm if hed still choose to stay. Talking to others may make him realise or think again why he chose to be with you in the first place. Theres alot of if and missing info to give a better answer

Claire - 27yo - level 36 -
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5 months ago

Instead of focusing on him not sharing the password focus on the why he may feel uncomfortable sharing the password. Tell him how it makes you feel insecure in the relationship and discuss why it makes him feel safe. You can use this to build trust and understanding in the relationship.

David - 42yo - level 31 -
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5 months ago

I'd suspect he was doing stuff behind my back.

Maricela - 29yo - level 5 -
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5 months ago

He is hiding something

JA💲PERS - 33yo - in a relationship for 14 years - Married - 3 - Rochester Mills, United States - level 19 -
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5 months ago

The only reason he wouldn't give you the password is because he is afraid of what you might see. While personal privacy and trust are important he must understand that it goes both ways and he should trust you enough that he gives you the password in confidence you won't Snoop constantly. But have you asked him why he doesn't want you to have the password?

Evie - 39yo - level 19 -
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5 months ago

I wish the person who posted this would respond and let us know what's going on. Lol

Christina - 33yo - in a relationship for 1 year - Dating - level 27 -
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5 months ago

I'm still with him i am doing my best friend to forgive you i didn't know you wanted anything.

Quintana - 43yo - in a relationship for 12 years - Married - 2 - Ceres ca, United States - level 11 -
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5 months ago

I'd be asking why does he want to get rid of it rather than give you the password

Tara - 47yo - level 8 -
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5 months ago

I think he is doing things she would be very disapproving of, if not hurt by. It's way more common than anyone thinks that our significant other's are visiting sites on the web that would cause pain to the partner in their life. I have no solution for the issue, other than talking rationally w your partners about these things. Open up a dialogue and make sure you understand each other's point of view, peacefully. Safely. Lovingly. It's hard to be on the outside of your partner's online activities, but talking about it does help, as long as there is love and openness about it all. Complete openness.

Jeni - 52yo - level 33 -
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5 months ago

Hoping it’s a gaming addiction or something and not cheating, but odds are he’s talking to someone. I understand privacy, but if he’s turning it off when you’re around then he’s hiding something.

Matt - 26yo - level 21 -
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5 months ago

He’s definitely hiding something he doesn’t want you to know at any cost.

Sandy - 33yo - level 27 -
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5 months ago

Cheating!

Jessica - 33yo - level 26 -
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5 months ago

Lack of full disclosure is shady. Hiding things is not productive in a relationship unless there is a valid overriding reason for privacy and confidentiality

Christine - level 1 -
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5 months ago

totally disagree he maybe is hiding something

anonymous - 18yo - level 7 -
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5 months ago

That he wants some privacy. I dont have any on my phone or ipad but I still wouldnt love him going through it. It's also a trust thing. And for what it's worth my therapist has told is looking is really not as good thing.

Neecee - 43yo - level 14 -
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5 months ago

You need a new therapist that focuses on transparency and openness.

Michelle - 54yo - level 17 -
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5 months ago

We actually do. It's our priority. Like I said I have nothing to hide. If that's his boundaries to keep an iPad for himself then she has to respect his wishes also. If it's too much to ask then move on. I don't understand why people try to change other people.

Neecee - 43yo - level 14 -
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5 months ago

he’s definitely hiding something, run.

Liam - 15yo - level 7 -
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5 months ago

He has something to hide most definitely if he cant share his password with you then its be cause he dont want you to find something think about it

Tina - 33yo - level 11 -
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5 months ago

He rather feel like he don't have privacy, he's hiding something, or he's cheating

Tyler - 17yo - level 3 -
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5 months ago

Privacy and trust are important but keeping secrets/hiding things that could hurt the relationship is much worse. I like to see both sides so the con side

Most men if not every man watches adult videos so if it is about his search history that is one thing but if he has a bunch of contacts or texts or websites that he is doing that is another. Relationships are built on trust and if throwing away something important to him just so you can’t see the contents of what is Inside is a little suspicious.

Pro side maybe he bought your Christmas gift or a vacation or something secret and that he can’t show you it. Or maybe he has memes that would offend you/bro talk with the boys who he may act a little different than when he talks to you. Or games/apps that he is embarrassed if you found out

Seeing both sides I think personally I see the worst case scenario. Hiding stuff is wrong but if you are the type of wife who is constantly in his business always looking at who is texting and such and he does not to the same to you it could just be him being stubborn trying to keep something to himself.

Communication is key so I would just talk and ask why he won’t. Show you or is it a surprise or something he wants to hide or maybe he didn’t have a lot of privacy growing up and likes his space. You married the guy and wouldn’t if you didn’t think he was the one. He also chose you. Good luck

Austin - 26yo - level 47 -
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5 months ago

Hack into it sis as fuck

Josh - 31yo - level 1 -
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5 months ago

Is he using it for work purposes? Could have personal info on it? This can go either way... could be hiding something or keeping personal stuff private. Cuz even if you 2 are married there are some jobs that require you to have personal info that you can't even share with your partner.. either way sorry you're dealing with that. If your gut is saying something is wrong than trust your gut. If not than you should trust him. Good luck on whatever you do.

Jamie - 40yo - level 6 -
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5 months ago

I'd wonder why. Although I value my privacy, it wouldn't stop me from handing my phone or tablet to my partner, or giving them the passcode if they needed it for something.

Mary - level 4 -
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5 months ago

Hes got something to hide

Noah - 22yo - level 25 -
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5 months ago

Inappropriate conversations

Darren - 36yo - level 32 -
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5 months ago

I would think he's hiding something.

Polly - 27yo - level 32 -
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5 months ago

While it’s important to remember that this time of year he could just be trying to keep Christmas presents a secret but let’s all be honest that is the ultimate red flag. Either he’s cheating or lying about something just as violating.

Keenan - 27yo - level 36 -
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5 months ago

Something to hide

Jody - 54yo - level 17 -
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5 months ago

He has something to hide.

Amy - 55yo - level 41 -
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5 months ago

You'd need to turn the question around and ask the same thing about yourself. Is ALL the information on your device ok, would ALL your text messages to others, girlfriends, etc. be acceptable viewing be him? Are there things you wouldn't want him to see? Need to ask yourself why: do I want to violate his privacy? Would it be ok for him to do to you? Would you feel your trust is being questioned?
Violating someone's privacy can be really detrimental to the trust in a relationship. He may then also think that you might be hiding something?

Rickey - 44yo - level 6 -
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5 months ago

My first thought would be he’s Hiding something

Michelle - 39yo - level 27 -
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5 months ago

Facts you have to trust me trust that I'm not doing anything you show me you trust me and I'll give it to you no problem

Kane - 31yo - level 1 -
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5 months ago

He has a right for privacy. And it is a bad desigin to invade it. But I would definitely talk with him about my worries.

Anastasia - 21yo - level 37 -
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5 months ago

I find it a bit strange since he is your husband, but then again why do you need his passwords??

Måka - 23yo - level 31 -
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5 months ago

I also would say that personal privacy is very important, but I think you both should be honest about why you want to see his Ipad and why he gets so defensive

Gabija - 18yo - level 8 -
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5 months ago

Easy. He’s hiding something.

Michael - 44yo - level 39 -
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5 months ago

That is so dodgy. 100% hiding something.

Jen - 31yo - level 4 -
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5 months ago

I agree with Dan. You either trust him enough to give him his space or you don’t, and if you don’t that’s the real problem here and warrants more thought on your part. If he has done nothing with you in the past to warrant distrust, then that’s not fair to him and you’re in the wrong for demanding the password.

Lindsey - 32yo - level 25 -
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5 months ago

Honest answer: I would think he has something hide :/ not necessarily something he shouldn’t be doing, but something he’s ashamed of doing... something he wouldn’t want you to see, maybe due to embarrassment.

Re’Jahnique - 23yo - level 16 -
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5 months ago

Although yes, he may be hiding something, it is also very likely that it is about him wanting something fully to himself/ privacy for privacy’s sake. If you intend to “go through” his iPad, rather then just wanting to have access to it for whatever other reason, he may be hesitant simply because that feels invasive or like you don’t trust him even if he has nothing to hide. Like someone else said, this may be some other, deeper, issue coming up as a disagreement about something relatively trivial. If there are deeper issues about trust and boundaries then pushing him for then there is a chance that you pushing him for the password has him pushing back just because you are pushing him, not because he actually cares that much about you having access to it.

Milo - 19yo - level 15 -
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5 months ago

He has something to hide

Abhi - 21yo - level 14 -
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5 months ago

If he isn't sharing the password or willing to share what he is doing on it, that is a red flag for me! Careful!!

Amanda - 31yo - level 18 -
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5 months ago

There is a deeper problem here that doesn’t have anything to do with who has whose password. Beneath all this hides a lack of trust between you two . He doesn’t trust you with his password and you don’t trust him with his Ipad. If he is indeed your husband, exercising and building trust might be something to consider and something that might eventually resolve the little squabbles that are basically pointless. There needs to be a solid foundation to every relationship, on top of which both of you can build. Then, when a bad thing happens or one you does something stupid, you both have something to stand on something to lean on.

Jonathán - 23yo - level 29 -
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5 months ago

That he has something to hide and
Maybe you should get ride of him

Mike - 37yo - level 11 -
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5 months ago

That dude is fuckkin around on you bro.

Marci - 28yo - level 12 -
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5 months ago

Nope nope nope, he's DEFINITELY hiding something

Charlene - 39yo - level 45 -
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5 months ago

He's hiding something.

Naomi - 37yo - level 1 -
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5 months ago

Hiding something

melissa - 37yo - level 6 -
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5 months ago

Then there is something to hide

Paige - 26yo - level 10 -
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5 months ago

Ok. :) I don't think is the end of the world. Apart from "cheat" there are several other options.
In fact my boyfriend was a little bit like that (not at that point)but when I realized what it was, I smiled.

Your husband may have many curious research, join to some game, fan club, hide porn or other simple things like that. Sometimes is not another person but another hidden passion or likes, he may be just a little embarrassed of the things he like.

Of course cheating is a horrible option, but it is also viable. But I learn that sometimes the hidden things can have a simple explanation.

Gianni - 21yo - level 15 -
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5 months ago

Hmm. I honestly don’t believe that we need to share our password for our devices. It’s our own personal device. That doesn’t mean that I’m cheating. Now, if he never leaves it. Takes it with him every where. Keeps on texting.... okay. That’s a whole different thing. I wouldn’t mind giving my password to my girlfriend if I left it and needed something from it.

Nancy - level 15 -
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5 months ago

Hiding something

Rachel - 36yo - level 2 -
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5 months ago

Cheater

Jason - 49yo - level 11 -
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5 months ago

He is so selfish and don't want ppl to know what things that he is hiding for

Silvia - 31yo - level 28 -
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5 months ago

Something shady going on

Vivek - 33yo - level 31 -
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5 months ago

Leave him, this is definitely not ok

Derrion - 29yo - level 12 -
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5 months ago

he is hiding something

Alyssa Sanchez - 14yo - level 7 -
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5 months ago

Get rid of him then ! Cause what is the problem with sharing his password with you if he had nothing to hide ? That is a bit crazy in my book esp since you are married that's a HUGEEEEEE problem for me so I mean I think he is hiding something !

Kristin - 31yo - level 3 -
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5 months ago

There is absolutely no reason you shouldn't have any password you want of his. And he should have any he wants of yours. He is hiding something. Not saying he's cheating but he is definitely hiding something

desiree - 36yo - level 18 -
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5 months ago

My husband and I have access to each other’s devices including passcodes. I don’t see any reason why any spouse isn’t willing to

cmula - 33yo - level 13 -
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5 months ago

Personally in my relationship we don't have passcodes unless they are known by each other so our kids don't access things they aren't meant to. So my question is are you against porn? Maybe he is hiding that he watches it. But certainly seems like he is hiding something. How long have you been married?

Ashleigh - 28yo - level 6 -
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5 months ago

I have the same thought

Gianni - 21yo - level 15 -
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5 months ago

A phone is jus an object but i feel when you start to hide things then trust becomes a issue at the same time some people are very diffrent bout thier privacy not like they got something to hide

Keisha - level 1 -
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5 months ago

It goes both ways, to demand access to something is a violation of trust itself. You need to ask yourself why you think something needs to be discovered.

Even married you are allowed to have a private self, without you lose all sense of who you are and why you are important.

Dan - 37yo - level 48 -
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5 months ago

I think he is either cheating or has cheated or is having inappropriate conversations with other women. I believe that when it comes to a true relationship/marriage there are no secrets. My husband can have 💯 access to any of my personal devices as well as social media and the same should go for me.

Brooke - 37yo - level 10 -
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5 months ago

Most of not all marriage counselors and psychologists say the opposite. Everyone has secrets or things they feel inappropriate sharing with a significant other.

Do you not have friends/colleagues/family that you talk or complain about? Do you complain about people directly?

Same principle.

Dan - 37yo - level 48 -
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